Tired
I wish I weren't so tired at the end of every day. Earlier in the day I have the best of intentions. When the kids go to sleep, I think about a billion times a day. When the kids are asleep I'll - write my journal entry, work on my novel, clean the bathrooms, steam clean the floors, write our holiday letter, make some holiday cards, work on decorating the tree, finish putting away all the clutter from the weekend, do some scrap book pages, write some of my belated 'letters to Miriam', work on Tai's kindergarten applications, look for a part time job, research careers, write a long email to Mel, do some exercise, read for pleasure....
When it comes down to it, though, what do I end up doing? Watching mindless television, refreshing Facebook for the hundredth time, playing 'Bejeweled' or some other mindless video game, and falling asleep before I do any of the other stuff that I'd rather be doing.
I keep reminding myself that this time is temporary. Miriam is already almost one. Next time I turn around she's going to be heading off to preschool just like Tai. He'll be in elementary school and they won't need me so much. One day I'll be able to sleep through the night. But it's hard - when Miriam doesn't nap, when Tai doesn't fall asleep until after 9. When it feels like my brain shuts off by 9:30.
Part of it is anxiety. I've been dealing with that more again lately - I don't really know why. I think that takes emotional energy... so by the end of the night I'm just ready to shut off.
When it comes down to it, though, what do I end up doing? Watching mindless television, refreshing Facebook for the hundredth time, playing 'Bejeweled' or some other mindless video game, and falling asleep before I do any of the other stuff that I'd rather be doing.
I keep reminding myself that this time is temporary. Miriam is already almost one. Next time I turn around she's going to be heading off to preschool just like Tai. He'll be in elementary school and they won't need me so much. One day I'll be able to sleep through the night. But it's hard - when Miriam doesn't nap, when Tai doesn't fall asleep until after 9. When it feels like my brain shuts off by 9:30.
Part of it is anxiety. I've been dealing with that more again lately - I don't really know why. I think that takes emotional energy... so by the end of the night I'm just ready to shut off.