(no subject)
So, it's official.
I'm a fucking student. Got my goddamn registration and my ID number and I'm one of the fucking student body. Stepping out of the registrar's office and into the quad... just a few high school proficiency level's at the junior college, pathetic student aid and a loan that'll take me ages to pay off, but hey, gotta start somewhere, right? I can do all my coursework over the net, in my apartment in my goddamn pjs if I wanna, but it still feels like a big deal.
'Cause I don't know where the sudden change came from. This need to do... something with whatever life I've got left. I feel like I'm straddling the edge of what I used to be and... something else. This is me on the straight and fucking narrow, but I don't feel any different. I don't have any more of a clue than I did before. I still close my eyes sometimes and I think of him. Big hands and rough skin and that smile... I still look for him in the crowd at the Marketplace. I think about Logan and all the shit he dangles in front of my face every time I see him, offering this life up to me only to take it away when he decides he doesn't want to give it. That he's not fucking ready and I'm just supposed to wait around... for what?
So, here I am, making my own fucking way, but really, I'm just waiting for some asshole to come along and tell me what to do.
I'm a fucking student. Got my goddamn registration and my ID number and I'm one of the fucking student body. Stepping out of the registrar's office and into the quad... just a few high school proficiency level's at the junior college, pathetic student aid and a loan that'll take me ages to pay off, but hey, gotta start somewhere, right? I can do all my coursework over the net, in my apartment in my goddamn pjs if I wanna, but it still feels like a big deal.
'Cause I don't know where the sudden change came from. This need to do... something with whatever life I've got left. I feel like I'm straddling the edge of what I used to be and... something else. This is me on the straight and fucking narrow, but I don't feel any different. I don't have any more of a clue than I did before. I still close my eyes sometimes and I think of him. Big hands and rough skin and that smile... I still look for him in the crowd at the Marketplace. I think about Logan and all the shit he dangles in front of my face every time I see him, offering this life up to me only to take it away when he decides he doesn't want to give it. That he's not fucking ready and I'm just supposed to wait around... for what?
So, here I am, making my own fucking way, but really, I'm just waiting for some asshole to come along and tell me what to do.