DOOM Pic Recap - Part 3
Wow, still sticking around? Must be the power of KarlJohn hotness. ;)
Still not dial-up friendly
Monster says "NO!" And tugs on the chain super hard...
...and Destroyer is destroyed. *sobs*
Back in the Stinky Lavatory, Portman figure he doesn't stink enough and starts wiping the floor with his shirt, while it's still on...
Then realizes that was a stupid idea, because ANYONE can smell him from a mile away. So this calls for...
...a monster assisted *FACEPALM*!!
While Pottybrains is burning in hell...
Pinky snickers and doesn't bother reporting to anyone that Pottybrains is dying. *snickers*
Sarge BFG and Co. finally arrive and smokes the monster.
Along with the monster, he kinda smoked Pottybrains too. Oops! But no one cares except for Kid, but he's not normal...
So Sarge Super Strength carries Destroyer back.
Reaper also gets to show off his Super Strength too! But he doesn't look as cool as Sarge though. Lalala
Sarge sees the new sculpture at the door and asks WTF is that?
Sam informs him they are redecorating and the new monster sculpture is Carmack, who disappeared earlier in the movie, and the guy on the table is another doctor.
During this time exposition scene, Reaper takes another nap.
Duke is sobbing over Destroyer.
Close up of Sarge Scary Face! BOO!
Woman! Look into my scary wide eyes and tell me what are you doing up here?! RWAR!!
We're not doing ANYTHING!!! I swear!! I swears it on the precious... er...
Because Sarge and Sam are aruging so loud, Reaper can't really sleep. So he asks what was Sam sent to download.
The pr0n research data!
Show me, RWAR!!
Sam finally plugs in the data disc and they are disturbed with what they find.
Shirtless guy strapped down to a bed with people standing around can only mean one thing. PORN! *cues porn music*
Sarge is actually quite turned on by this but pretends that he's totally offended by it instead.
Sam finally realizes what C-24 really is. It doesn't only make you Supa-strong and Supa-fit and it's like Supa-viagra gone bad!
Reaper doesn't really know what to think of C-24, but he can't stop watching the Pr0n on the compy. Boys... *shakes head*
Eventually, watching pr0n with his sister next to him is too disturbing for Reaper, and he turns it off.
We need to destroy this, yo.
Oh no you don't. This is my UAC pr0nperty.
So Sarge pockets the pr0n and thats the end of that.
Damn, he figured out my plan...
Dude, guys, it's just bad pr0n.
Pansyboy and Duke radio in with some bad news. One of the "dead" guys has "undead" himself.
Having his pr0n safe in his pocket, Sarge is ready to head out.
Reaper, winner of this year's Brother of the Year award, worries about his big sis being alone and gives her a radio, which she never uses. *facepalm*
Reaper!Worry *melts into goo*
At Teh Blob Chamber, Pinky reports some badder news. Something is cutting through to doors. Oh noes!
Sarge and Reaper decide to race each other to the Ark Chamber.
Reaper loses the race because he gets to pick up the dud grenade and oh noes.
Now Sarge is pissed that Pinky No Balls fucked up and quarantine is breached. He's also pissed that he can't even kick Pinky in the nuts because he has none in the first place.
Reaper suddenly feels like he's forgotten something.
Reaper: Did I leave the gas on?
Sarge: Er, your sister?
Reaper: D'oh!
And he hauls ass to find Sam because Sarge gave him three minutes before he ditches him. Speaking of asses this, my friends, is the best Reaper!Ass shot I could get through this whole stupid movie! Argh.
So Reaper runs around calling his for Sam, and the h0r never bothered to answer the radio or tell him she's in a different room. Useless woman.
He finally finds her somewhere. But because he has ants in his pants. He can't stand still when he tells her they need to get back to Earth.
Wait, gimme ten seconds to do this PSA.
Say wha?
This... *gesturing to tongue*
...is your brain on drugs.
Reaper: .........
This is your brain NOT on drugs.
Okay... drugs are bad. I thought we did the drugs are bad speech earlier with Pansyboy in the sewers.
So kiddies remember "Say NO to drugs!"
You done?
Yeah, what's the rush? Other than big monsters wandering around the complex...
Quarantine is breached and Sarge Trigger happy is gonna kill everyone. Dun dun DUN!
Sarge is ready to ditch Reaper and orders Duke and Kid to kill everything when they get to Earth.
This RRTS group of Special Ops guys is looking pretty pathetic at the moment. Earth is so screwed.
So Sarge takes shot gun and goes first in to Ark.
Location:Death Lab, Nevada, Earth
There is still 58 minutes before quarantine ends, and that is 58 minutes too long for the audience.
Sarge feeling the movie isn't long enough tells Duke to reset the quarantine for another six hours.
Duke is relieved that he is locked out of the system.
Audience: There is a God!
Is it just me or does Sarge look like a member of the Blue Man group here?
Anywho, Blue Man Sarge and his Pansy Posse find a group of undead with bad floor manners.
Instead of blowing them all to hell, Potato Head Sarge tries to scare them off by rearranging his eyeballs
Obviously, that caught someone's attention.
And everyone gets up and dances to Oingo Boingo's "Dead Man's Party."
The Grimm Twins finally arrive.
Sarge shoots...
...this guy because he has a semi-red shirt on, which marks him for death.
Duke almost shoots...
...Pinky. It still boggles my mind how he managed to hide under all those bodies.
Pansyboy freaks out and pees his pants when he finds...
...a closet full of women and children
Reaper finally finds Sarge and says don't kill everyone you murderer!
Sarge totally Eyehates Reaper.
Pinky just appears and Sam gives him a backrub, which Pinky finds a woman's touch disturbing.
Sarge is jealous and wants his bank rubbed too! Dammit!
Before Sarge can hate on Pinky and blow his brains out, Pansyboy interrupts and reports that he couldn't kill the women so he declares a munity! Wow! Pansyboy actually gets some balls!
Yeah, Pansyboy totally picked the wrong time to get balls.
Die by choking on your own blood after getting shot in the throat. Yeah, that's a manly way to die. *shakes head*
ZOMG! Reaper!Tars! *pauses scene and drools*
Reaper pulls himself together and eyefucks eyehates Sarge BabyKiller.
Sarge returns the eyefuck eyehate...
Pinky, like Pansyboy has bad timing when it comes to getting balls.
Mutant Monster #349 facepalms him (which I find very funny), BamBams him a few times, and cave man drags Pinky away.
When Mutant BamBam was bamming Pinky he hurt my Reaper. *hates on Mutant BamBam*
But Reaper is supa-manly and is up in the next scene shooting at the cast of "Land of the Living Dead."
Duke, on the other hand, is now the Duke of Red-shirts. Because he's well... dead.
Sarge: I'm not supposed to die!
Heh. Sometimes the best captions are in the script. Sometimes.
Reaper doesn't really care that Sarge is gone and keeps shooting through the Nanowall.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell of SG-1 said it best, "Bullets bounce!"
D'oh! Now she tells me...
Sam manages to drag Reaper to some storage room.
And injects him with C-24 so he can be supa-hot-human or supa-fugly-mutant! I like option 1 better.
Wait, I thought drugs were bad for you... Whoa that's some strong stuff...
*THUD* This time he really fall asleep.
Sleeping Beauty finally wakes up and the first thing he does it wipe the blood from his face, so his fangirls can appreciate his flawless good looks.
Because this is the First Person Shooter part of the movie, I'm skipping it sorta... because it's more fun to look at Reaper than be Reaper.
Reaper Gun... boring. But we see some Reaper fingerPr0n so yay!
Reaper reflection... fun!
Mutant Pinky...BORING!
Reaper unconcious... Hell yeah! *mentally molests him*
Reaper armpr0n... fun!
Reaper sawing Mutant Pinky in half... BOORRING! NEXT!
End of PFS scene... about time! Look at that fine specimen of a man! Guh!
So Reaper finds Sam lying on the floor. How she got there no one knows or cares.
Reaper uses his new Spidey sense and sees Sarge is still alive and tells Sam to crawl to the elevator.
Sarge tries to eyefuck Reaper and tells him lets go outside and gets some "fresh air."
But Reaper will have none of that and eyehates him back instead and says Mutant Sarge is not going anywhere
So the Supa-hot-human vs. Supa-fugly-mutant battle begins
Reaper and his big gun
Mutant Sarge with his big... block?
Reaper manages to head lock Sarge between two bars.
But Sarge manages to break free and suprise Reaper with a metallic knuckle sandwich.
Like Ow!
They countinue fighting and eventually Reaper is pinned up against the wall, with nasty spike through his hand. *cringe*
Sarge mutates into Urak-Hai Lurtz's twin brother.
Reaper, in a past life hated Urak-hais, regains strength and uses his supa-genius brain to open Teh Blob.
Which sucks LOTR Reject Sarge in and back to Mars. Yay!
The moral of this story: Supa-Hot guy should always win. Anyways to make sure Sarge doesn't come back Reaper tosses a grenade through the Ark just in case.
Aww, Reaper, the loving lil bro, is such a turn on! Makes me want to have his babies right now...
Anywho, some pretty music plays in the background and they take the elevator back up to scorching Nevada sun.
TEH END!
I have a feeling I won't be doing another picspam recap anytime soon... because this was damn hard. XD
Back to Part 2
Back to Part 1
Still not dial-up friendly
Monster says "NO!" And tugs on the chain super hard...
...and Destroyer is destroyed. *sobs*
Back in the Stinky Lavatory, Portman figure he doesn't stink enough and starts wiping the floor with his shirt, while it's still on...
Then realizes that was a stupid idea, because ANYONE can smell him from a mile away. So this calls for...
...a monster assisted *FACEPALM*!!
While Pottybrains is burning in hell...
Pinky snickers and doesn't bother reporting to anyone that Pottybrains is dying. *snickers*
Sarge BFG and Co. finally arrive and smokes the monster.
Along with the monster, he kinda smoked Pottybrains too. Oops! But no one cares except for Kid, but he's not normal...
So Sarge Super Strength carries Destroyer back.
Reaper also gets to show off his Super Strength too! But he doesn't look as cool as Sarge though. Lalala
Sarge sees the new sculpture at the door and asks WTF is that?
Sam informs him they are redecorating and the new monster sculpture is Carmack, who disappeared earlier in the movie, and the guy on the table is another doctor.
During this time exposition scene, Reaper takes another nap.
Duke is sobbing over Destroyer.
Close up of Sarge Scary Face! BOO!
Woman! Look into my scary wide eyes and tell me what are you doing up here?! RWAR!!
We're not doing ANYTHING!!! I swear!! I swears it on the precious... er...
Because Sarge and Sam are aruging so loud, Reaper can't really sleep. So he asks what was Sam sent to download.
The pr0n research data!
Show me, RWAR!!
Sam finally plugs in the data disc and they are disturbed with what they find.
Shirtless guy strapped down to a bed with people standing around can only mean one thing. PORN! *cues porn music*
Sarge is actually quite turned on by this but pretends that he's totally offended by it instead.
Sam finally realizes what C-24 really is. It doesn't only make you Supa-strong and Supa-fit and it's like Supa-viagra gone bad!
Reaper doesn't really know what to think of C-24, but he can't stop watching the Pr0n on the compy. Boys... *shakes head*
Eventually, watching pr0n with his sister next to him is too disturbing for Reaper, and he turns it off.
We need to destroy this, yo.
Oh no you don't. This is my UAC pr0nperty.
So Sarge pockets the pr0n and thats the end of that.
Damn, he figured out my plan...
Dude, guys, it's just bad pr0n.
Pansyboy and Duke radio in with some bad news. One of the "dead" guys has "undead" himself.
Having his pr0n safe in his pocket, Sarge is ready to head out.
Reaper, winner of this year's Brother of the Year award, worries about his big sis being alone and gives her a radio, which she never uses. *facepalm*
Reaper!Worry *melts into goo*
At Teh Blob Chamber, Pinky reports some badder news. Something is cutting through to doors. Oh noes!
Sarge and Reaper decide to race each other to the Ark Chamber.
Reaper loses the race because he gets to pick up the dud grenade and oh noes.
Now Sarge is pissed that Pinky No Balls fucked up and quarantine is breached. He's also pissed that he can't even kick Pinky in the nuts because he has none in the first place.
Reaper suddenly feels like he's forgotten something.
Reaper: Did I leave the gas on?
Sarge: Er, your sister?
Reaper: D'oh!
And he hauls ass to find Sam because Sarge gave him three minutes before he ditches him. Speaking of asses this, my friends, is the best Reaper!Ass shot I could get through this whole stupid movie! Argh.
So Reaper runs around calling his for Sam, and the h0r never bothered to answer the radio or tell him she's in a different room. Useless woman.
He finally finds her somewhere. But because he has ants in his pants. He can't stand still when he tells her they need to get back to Earth.
Wait, gimme ten seconds to do this PSA.
Say wha?
This... *gesturing to tongue*
...is your brain on drugs.
Reaper: .........
This is your brain NOT on drugs.
Okay... drugs are bad. I thought we did the drugs are bad speech earlier with Pansyboy in the sewers.
So kiddies remember "Say NO to drugs!"
You done?
Yeah, what's the rush? Other than big monsters wandering around the complex...
Quarantine is breached and Sarge Trigger happy is gonna kill everyone. Dun dun DUN!
Sarge is ready to ditch Reaper and orders Duke and Kid to kill everything when they get to Earth.
This RRTS group of Special Ops guys is looking pretty pathetic at the moment. Earth is so screwed.
So Sarge takes shot gun and goes first in to Ark.
Location:Death Lab, Nevada, Earth
There is still 58 minutes before quarantine ends, and that is 58 minutes too long for the audience.
Sarge feeling the movie isn't long enough tells Duke to reset the quarantine for another six hours.
Duke is relieved that he is locked out of the system.
Audience: There is a God!
Is it just me or does Sarge look like a member of the Blue Man group here?
Anywho, Blue Man Sarge and his Pansy Posse find a group of undead with bad floor manners.
Instead of blowing them all to hell, Potato Head Sarge tries to scare them off by rearranging his eyeballs
Obviously, that caught someone's attention.
And everyone gets up and dances to Oingo Boingo's "Dead Man's Party."
The Grimm Twins finally arrive.
Sarge shoots...
...this guy because he has a semi-red shirt on, which marks him for death.
Duke almost shoots...
...Pinky. It still boggles my mind how he managed to hide under all those bodies.
Pansyboy freaks out and pees his pants when he finds...
...a closet full of women and children
Reaper finally finds Sarge and says don't kill everyone you murderer!
Sarge totally Eyehates Reaper.
Pinky just appears and Sam gives him a backrub, which Pinky finds a woman's touch disturbing.
Sarge is jealous and wants his bank rubbed too! Dammit!
Before Sarge can hate on Pinky and blow his brains out, Pansyboy interrupts and reports that he couldn't kill the women so he declares a munity! Wow! Pansyboy actually gets some balls!
Yeah, Pansyboy totally picked the wrong time to get balls.
Die by choking on your own blood after getting shot in the throat. Yeah, that's a manly way to die. *shakes head*
ZOMG! Reaper!Tars! *pauses scene and drools*
Reaper pulls himself together and eyefucks eyehates Sarge BabyKiller.
Sarge returns the eyefuck eyehate...
Pinky, like Pansyboy has bad timing when it comes to getting balls.
Mutant Monster #349 facepalms him (which I find very funny), BamBams him a few times, and cave man drags Pinky away.
When Mutant BamBam was bamming Pinky he hurt my Reaper. *hates on Mutant BamBam*
But Reaper is supa-manly and is up in the next scene shooting at the cast of "Land of the Living Dead."
Duke, on the other hand, is now the Duke of Red-shirts. Because he's well... dead.
Sarge: I'm not supposed to die!
Heh. Sometimes the best captions are in the script. Sometimes.
Reaper doesn't really care that Sarge is gone and keeps shooting through the Nanowall.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell of SG-1 said it best, "Bullets bounce!"
D'oh! Now she tells me...
Sam manages to drag Reaper to some storage room.
And injects him with C-24 so he can be supa-hot-human or supa-fugly-mutant! I like option 1 better.
Wait, I thought drugs were bad for you... Whoa that's some strong stuff...
*THUD* This time he really fall asleep.
Sleeping Beauty finally wakes up and the first thing he does it wipe the blood from his face, so his fangirls can appreciate his flawless good looks.
Because this is the First Person Shooter part of the movie, I'm skipping it sorta... because it's more fun to look at Reaper than be Reaper.
Reaper Gun... boring. But we see some Reaper fingerPr0n so yay!
Reaper reflection... fun!
Mutant Pinky...BORING!
Reaper unconcious... Hell yeah! *mentally molests him*
Reaper armpr0n... fun!
Reaper sawing Mutant Pinky in half... BOORRING! NEXT!
End of PFS scene... about time! Look at that fine specimen of a man! Guh!
So Reaper finds Sam lying on the floor. How she got there no one knows or cares.
Reaper uses his new Spidey sense and sees Sarge is still alive and tells Sam to crawl to the elevator.
Sarge tries to eyefuck Reaper and tells him lets go outside and gets some "fresh air."
But Reaper will have none of that and eyehates him back instead and says Mutant Sarge is not going anywhere
So the Supa-hot-human vs. Supa-fugly-mutant battle begins
Reaper and his big gun
Mutant Sarge with his big... block?
Reaper manages to head lock Sarge between two bars.
But Sarge manages to break free and suprise Reaper with a metallic knuckle sandwich.
Like Ow!
They countinue fighting and eventually Reaper is pinned up against the wall, with nasty spike through his hand. *cringe*
Sarge mutates into Urak-Hai Lurtz's twin brother.
Reaper, in a past life hated Urak-hais, regains strength and uses his supa-genius brain to open Teh Blob.
Which sucks LOTR Reject Sarge in and back to Mars. Yay!
The moral of this story: Supa-Hot guy should always win. Anyways to make sure Sarge doesn't come back Reaper tosses a grenade through the Ark just in case.
Aww, Reaper, the loving lil bro, is such a turn on! Makes me want to have his babies right now...
Anywho, some pretty music plays in the background and they take the elevator back up to scorching Nevada sun.
TEH END!
I have a feeling I won't be doing another picspam recap anytime soon... because this was damn hard. XD
Back to Part 2
Back to Part 1