I've been thinking.........
So what if I'd rather build something than go shopping. I like getting new clothes, I just don't care to spend tons of money on very little and not always get to wear it. I like building something and knowing I did that.
So what if I'd rather go to a "dive" bar rather than a gay club. I don't mind either, I'm just use to going to bars around where I live, which just happen to be "dive" bars.
So what if I don't act like a "typical" gay guy, doesn't mean I'm ashamed of who I am or that I'm trying to act more like a straight person, I just do.
So what if I smoke, it's something I do. I don't like to, but it's a habbit and a hard one to stop. I don't depend on it, so it's not like I need to smoke every minute.
So what if I'd rather do nothing with friends or new people, I get to talk and learn more about them. Then we get to do things we like doing. I like being introduced to new and other things.
So what If I'm scruffy. You have no idea how much it sucks to have to shave your face twice a week(it hurts when you have a thick beard) and how much blades cost.
Lately when I look around and think about it, the more I'm my self, the more it seems I'm out of place. Yes, I'd like to be more of what others like and maybe ever want. But I know it wont happen. I do have confindence, but not enough to make good moves. I know it's a long shot to ask someone out in the first place, but I know it's much more of a chance because of the area/ enviroment I'm in and around. And the few that I do have an intrest in and try to talk to make little effort to talk back to me. Thus making me feel like crap. Then the very little times Someone has shown intrest in me and made me feel like I'm worth being with, turn on me, lie to me and use me. Always makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong.
Why is it so hard for someone to be honest with another person about how they feel. Why wont someone make the effort towards me and show me they are intrested in me? Why wont someone take the time and effort to get to know me? Is who I am not good enough for people?