(no subject)
i ran over a racoon on the way home tonight...........and i cant stop crying. i pulled over and picked it up and went and buried it and then sat in the middle of the field for a half an hour or so and cried on my back watching the clouds wash back and forth against the starless sky of slate. i tried to swerve and i skimmed a try just barely, didnt mess up the car...not that that matters in the least. what matters is that i still hit it. i ended its life. killed it. there isnt a moon to watch over me. there arent any stars for me to talk to. james has my notebook so i cant write. all i can do is cry. cry and realize how horrible of a person i am. i cant believe i killed it. i cant believe how completley empty i feel. i cant believe that i am alive. i cant believe how sick i am. every single day since the school year started has gotten progressively worse and worse. and it continues today.
all i want in life is to be happy. all i want in life is to have friends who love me. i want to have friends like justine has, who are so proud to be her friend and have fun at her party and give her things because its her birthday.
what am i saying i have that. just in a much smaller sense.
i cant believe i killed it.
i cant believe it.
im soaking wet. im crying.
im miserable.
why?
all i want in life is to be happy. all i want in life is to have friends who love me. i want to have friends like justine has, who are so proud to be her friend and have fun at her party and give her things because its her birthday.
what am i saying i have that. just in a much smaller sense.
i cant believe i killed it.
i cant believe it.
im soaking wet. im crying.
im miserable.
why?