(no subject)

[asterisk_]

i feel really horrible. i made justine feel bad i think because i got kinda upset at her party. i was trying. but i couldnt just be............not afraid. i get so stressed out, so nervous in certain social situations. and i know nobody saw me, because i made all my hair hide my eyes. but i sat and cried for a while becuase i...just couldnt handle it all. the noise, everyone was so loud and the people i didnt know and everything. i really did enjoy your party justine. i really really did. im sorry that sometimes i am a poo. i really wish i could be just a normal kid. i think it would make a lot of people happier. or at least i would make them feel bad less. i drove home in the rain and i cried the whole way. because i am incapable of just being a kid and having fun. and i was rude to jessica's friend who she introduced me to he seemed really really cool and that i would have liked to have talked to and gotten to know...but i was a jerk. and she left before i got a chance.....or more like, worked up the courage to apologize. the sunrise was pretty yesterday.

im still having that dream. that one with the city at night.
it
is
terrifying