Jody Who is Fearful of Change
Dear Captain Jack, should I get a Dreamwidth account? My flist is going over there en masse. I should be excited about a better platform but I have crazy mixed feelings. I like where I am I don't want to have to friend people and cross-post somewhere new all over again. But..... I'm sort of ticked at El Jay too. After everything we've been through I'm not sure if I trust them even though everything is fine now. It's like a bad boyfriend situation right? I'm lazy and fear change I guess. Should I suck it up and go? DON'T WANNA! *POUT*
Lots of love for you and all of your sexy team Captain Jack!
Jody Who is Fearful Of Change
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All blogging software is the same. Total shit. It's because humans are involved.
You can have your friends-locked posts leaked in a Fandom Secret just as well over there as you can here.
In the 51st century most of our blogging is by thought, of course. You're able to think: 'Amazon, fuck you in the ear!' And Amazon would know exactly what you were thinking right away.
You wouldn't have to waste time typing or reading. Or scrolling! Or arguing about who created a user-pic. In the future, you don't have user-pics, just user-scents. They're distinctive by definition.
I know what you're thinking: Captain Jack, what about Thought Trolls? What about thoughts inappropriate for children, strident moral authorities or the very gullible? Don't worry, the future is so far ahead of your concerns.
If there's a moderation feature on your community thought blog you get all the thoughts queued in your brain at once so you can approve them before they're fully thought out to everyone. I can always tell when somebody is going through a queue of thoughts because they're bent over, clutching their heads, writhing in terrible pain.
Hey I'm not trying to make you jealous, 21st century. You've got it pretty good when you consider how far communication has come. You don't have to stand at a bay window with a useless code book open on your lap, squinting through a spyglass to decipher flags in semaphore. That was me only 100 years ago!
Never again will you have to untie a scroll from a pigeon's foot and try to figure out what Jeanette meant when she scrawled "Victory in Normandy!" Was it a code? A warning? There was room on that scroll for more words. I'd have appreciated extra detail. What was Normandy wearing?
I chuckle at the shit I had to put up with just to get to this glorious period in human technological evolution.
In the 80's I put all my intimate thoughts into my trapper keeper. I took that thing everywhere with me. Tucked up under my arm. Sparkle pen behind my handsome ear.
Finally (20 years before Livejournal) Captain Jack's thoughts could be organized, bound, labelled with 'tags' !
People would occasionally make snide comments. Isn't it strange for a 30(ish!) year-old man to scribble away in a folder covered with Starscream stickers?
NOT AT ALL, is what I'd tell the haters. Then I'd slam my trapper keeper shut and waltz away. Watching me waltz away is a joy and a sorrow at the same time.
On the first page of my ring binder (that's the equivalent of a 'blog post' for younglings reading this) I wrote: "CAPTAIN JACK'S THOUGHTS dot dot dot" (...)
I wrote this uppercase, cursive. My cursive is gorgeous.
Cursive is a font that humans don't use any more. I bet you can't get cursive text at Dreamwidth. Go ahead and try, losers! People will complain that they can't read your Due South porn because you wrote it in "squiggles".
The computers have got you all fighting amongst yourselves, branding yourselves up and choosing sides. I'm a Mac, I'm a PC. Have you whiners noticed that all computers have a calculator? All computers can run PowerPoint. Who cares what your taskbar looks like?
In the 51st century we don't have a choice of operating systems. If you're born into House Atreides, you get the Atreides chip implanted in your brain at birth. If you're born in Detroit you get an Omni Consumer Products chip (and a punch in the face).
Kids, here's some good blogging advice. Never rely on a fucking computer to do your spelling or your grammar. Captain Jack Harkness never does!
If I want to know something, I can ask a warm sexy human. Secretaries were invented to give you answers quickly and stylishly.
For instance, if I'm doing my blogging and I want to know how to spell something, I'll throw the door of my office open and holler:
"IANTO! How many Ss in the word massacre?"
He'll shout back: "Two! Why, are you planning to commit one?"
Now is Livejournal or Dreamwidth or Google or whatever-the-fuck going to give you that kind of sexy sass with their helpful suggestions? There won't be a "sass" plug-in for at least 600 years.
Jody, I don't mean to trash your blogging dreams. I've investigated the situation and there are benefits to Dreamwidth that you don't see on Livejournal.
Go ahead and type Dreamwidth in your browser instead of Livejournal. Did you note it's one letter less?
If you aggregate all the time your secretary will save when he's typing URLs he might have an extra 10 minutes to suck you off at the end of the day.
Don't take that lightly. That's a serious incentive!
Yrs helpfully,
Cpt. Jack Harkness
Lots of love for you and all of your sexy team Captain Jack!
Jody Who is Fearful Of Change
-----------------------
All blogging software is the same. Total shit. It's because humans are involved.
You can have your friends-locked posts leaked in a Fandom Secret just as well over there as you can here.
In the 51st century most of our blogging is by thought, of course. You're able to think: 'Amazon, fuck you in the ear!' And Amazon would know exactly what you were thinking right away.
You wouldn't have to waste time typing or reading. Or scrolling! Or arguing about who created a user-pic. In the future, you don't have user-pics, just user-scents. They're distinctive by definition.
I know what you're thinking: Captain Jack, what about Thought Trolls? What about thoughts inappropriate for children, strident moral authorities or the very gullible? Don't worry, the future is so far ahead of your concerns.
If there's a moderation feature on your community thought blog you get all the thoughts queued in your brain at once so you can approve them before they're fully thought out to everyone. I can always tell when somebody is going through a queue of thoughts because they're bent over, clutching their heads, writhing in terrible pain.
Hey I'm not trying to make you jealous, 21st century. You've got it pretty good when you consider how far communication has come. You don't have to stand at a bay window with a useless code book open on your lap, squinting through a spyglass to decipher flags in semaphore. That was me only 100 years ago!
Never again will you have to untie a scroll from a pigeon's foot and try to figure out what Jeanette meant when she scrawled "Victory in Normandy!" Was it a code? A warning? There was room on that scroll for more words. I'd have appreciated extra detail. What was Normandy wearing?
I chuckle at the shit I had to put up with just to get to this glorious period in human technological evolution.
In the 80's I put all my intimate thoughts into my trapper keeper. I took that thing everywhere with me. Tucked up under my arm. Sparkle pen behind my handsome ear.
Finally (20 years before Livejournal) Captain Jack's thoughts could be organized, bound, labelled with 'tags' !
People would occasionally make snide comments. Isn't it strange for a 30(ish!) year-old man to scribble away in a folder covered with Starscream stickers?
NOT AT ALL, is what I'd tell the haters. Then I'd slam my trapper keeper shut and waltz away. Watching me waltz away is a joy and a sorrow at the same time.
On the first page of my ring binder (that's the equivalent of a 'blog post' for younglings reading this) I wrote: "CAPTAIN JACK'S THOUGHTS dot dot dot" (...)
I wrote this uppercase, cursive. My cursive is gorgeous.
Cursive is a font that humans don't use any more. I bet you can't get cursive text at Dreamwidth. Go ahead and try, losers! People will complain that they can't read your Due South porn because you wrote it in "squiggles".
The computers have got you all fighting amongst yourselves, branding yourselves up and choosing sides. I'm a Mac, I'm a PC. Have you whiners noticed that all computers have a calculator? All computers can run PowerPoint. Who cares what your taskbar looks like?
In the 51st century we don't have a choice of operating systems. If you're born into House Atreides, you get the Atreides chip implanted in your brain at birth. If you're born in Detroit you get an Omni Consumer Products chip (and a punch in the face).
Kids, here's some good blogging advice. Never rely on a fucking computer to do your spelling or your grammar. Captain Jack Harkness never does!
If I want to know something, I can ask a warm sexy human. Secretaries were invented to give you answers quickly and stylishly.
For instance, if I'm doing my blogging and I want to know how to spell something, I'll throw the door of my office open and holler:
"IANTO! How many Ss in the word massacre?"
He'll shout back: "Two! Why, are you planning to commit one?"
Now is Livejournal or Dreamwidth or Google or whatever-the-fuck going to give you that kind of sexy sass with their helpful suggestions? There won't be a "sass" plug-in for at least 600 years.
Jody, I don't mean to trash your blogging dreams. I've investigated the situation and there are benefits to Dreamwidth that you don't see on Livejournal.
Go ahead and type Dreamwidth in your browser instead of Livejournal. Did you note it's one letter less?
If you aggregate all the time your secretary will save when he's typing URLs he might have an extra 10 minutes to suck you off at the end of the day.
Don't take that lightly. That's a serious incentive!
Yrs helpfully,
Cpt. Jack Harkness