Well, now I know
I did it. I went to the doctor this morning and asked for help. The only thing that usually gets me through the door of the local health centre is if I'm worried enough about myself that I can't go on unless I sort myself out.
This morning went like the last several mornings. I got out of bed 5 minutes before I had to be out the door even though I'd been awake for hours, I cried on the way out, I was crying when I got to the health centre. I calmed down enough to wait without additional seepage and then as soon as the doctor shut the door behind her I burst into floods of tears. I told her exactly the kind of state I was in and the first thing she did was assure me that I'm not going to work for the next two weeks. She's referred me for counselling and given me a low dose of anti-depressants to see what difference they make. She said she wants to hold off on actually saying depression or stress from work (likely a combination of the two) until she's seen me again in two weeks to make sure that everything is starting to improve. At that point she'll tell me if I can go back to work or not.
Part of me feels better now that I've got the help that I obviously needed and all of my friends have been calling and texting me all day to make sure that I'm a: alright and b: that I didn't do anything stupid last night and that I really did go to the doctor. I've got offers from friends who moved all over the country after college and uni asking if I want to stay with them for a few days for a change of scenery. One of my local mates is kidnapping me tomorrow so that we can play video games, watch rubbish movies and cook junk food like we did when we were 15 (I've known her for 11 years, that in itself should be pretty terrifying). All that's left is to tell my mum. I dread that moment because my problems always make way for hers. It's the way that it's always been and I suspect that this is going to be another one of those moments.
Otherwise I just need to find something to do with myself for two weeks. I'm stumped, I have a hard enough time thinking of something to do for a few days,
This morning went like the last several mornings. I got out of bed 5 minutes before I had to be out the door even though I'd been awake for hours, I cried on the way out, I was crying when I got to the health centre. I calmed down enough to wait without additional seepage and then as soon as the doctor shut the door behind her I burst into floods of tears. I told her exactly the kind of state I was in and the first thing she did was assure me that I'm not going to work for the next two weeks. She's referred me for counselling and given me a low dose of anti-depressants to see what difference they make. She said she wants to hold off on actually saying depression or stress from work (likely a combination of the two) until she's seen me again in two weeks to make sure that everything is starting to improve. At that point she'll tell me if I can go back to work or not.
Part of me feels better now that I've got the help that I obviously needed and all of my friends have been calling and texting me all day to make sure that I'm a: alright and b: that I didn't do anything stupid last night and that I really did go to the doctor. I've got offers from friends who moved all over the country after college and uni asking if I want to stay with them for a few days for a change of scenery. One of my local mates is kidnapping me tomorrow so that we can play video games, watch rubbish movies and cook junk food like we did when we were 15 (I've known her for 11 years, that in itself should be pretty terrifying). All that's left is to tell my mum. I dread that moment because my problems always make way for hers. It's the way that it's always been and I suspect that this is going to be another one of those moments.
Otherwise I just need to find something to do with myself for two weeks. I'm stumped, I have a hard enough time thinking of something to do for a few days,