Quoteboard!
*meme on facebook that tells you if you’re a werewolf or a vampire*
Andrea: Leah’s so upset that she’s a werewolf.
Ashley: I saw that.
Andrea: She’s got TWO sets of fangs. She ain’t no werewolf.
Ashley: I’m happy to be a werewolf. I like werewolves. You’re a vampire.
Andrea: I don’t care either way. …I’M SWITZERLAND.
Ashley: Thank you, Bella!
Jeremy, on the PhD movie: We didn’t come here because we wanted information about grad school-we came here because we’re bitter about grad school.
Andrea: I’m a grad student. Of COURSE I pray!
Andrea: None of my students can spell ‘Shakespeare’ right!
Ashley: Yeah, well, neither could Shakespeare.
Sally: Oh, me of little faith!
Ashley: They think if they give you enough details you’ll take pity on them.
Andrea: I have no pity. I have the soul of an instructor.
On Jane Eyre:
Student 1: I've been really fascinated by the supernatural events going on in the novel thus far. Grace Poole's creepy laugh, the red room, Rochester's bed being lit on fire, the stabbing of Mr. Mason... all of it has been so thrilling to read. I really do hope that Bronte decides to explain all of these events, rather than leave them unexplained as sometimes happens in gothic novels. I bet that laughter doesn't belong to Grace Poole after all!
Student 2: I'm really hoping it's actually supernatural and not Rochester's decaying father or something like that.
Leah: There’s something a little terrifying about a whole army of Santas.
Student, on Jane Eyre: You can't be married to two people at once Rochester... geez.
Andrea: This is questionable pumpkin use.
Student on the end of Jane Eyre: The ending made me very happy for the characters, but super disappointed in the events. I wanted it to be some sad, Game of Thrones-like ending where I feel bad for everyone and walk away being generally depressed for the remainder of the day. But no.
Andrea: That’s one of the few things in my life I actually regret: my ex-fiance, and calculus.
Jen: She wants to be loved, not in an “Aww, she’s lonely!” kind of way, but because she’s-
Ashley: A cat.
Jen: I was going to say a sociopath, but yes, same thing.
Andrea: What’s wrong with them?
Ashley: They’re grad students, honey. Don’t stare.
Ashley: So I’m definitely plotting to sew tribbles.
Andrea: Signs your dissertation is done and you’re just waiting out the semester…
Ashley: Go to sleep, Dodger.
Dodger: Besides “Well done, good and faithful servant,” those are the words I most long to hear.
Jeremy: Love the puker, hate the puke.
Jeremy: And then Stalin had them all shot.
Dr. J, on how to write a teaching philosophy: I’ve invited speakers who have received teaching awards. So these are people who were successful at convincing people that they have a teaching philosophy.
Dr. G: You should probably know this is illegal wine and you’re responsible.
Grad director, as he takes a glass from Mary-Kate: Why am *I* responsible?
…
Grad director: It’s alright; if we get caught we’ll just sell one of the postdocs down the river.
Dr. G: We’ll just have to make sure none of us get arrested as we leave.
Dr. H: Man, there go my plans for the night! How’s a medievalist supposed to have fun anymore?
Mary-Kate: As little as I know of “The Joy of Cooking,” in so many ways…
*Ashley has been preheating the oven*
Ashley: HEAT, DARN YOU!
*oven immediately beeps*
Ashley: THANK YOU.
Ashley, to Andrea: …That was kind of magical.
*The sound of Andrea swatting flies comes from the living room*
Andrea: *THWACK* … *THWACK* … *THWACK* … *THWACKETY-THWACKETY-THWACKETY-THWACKETY--*
Ashley: AIN’T YOU GOT THAT THING DEAD YET??
Later:
Andrea: *THWACK* *THWACK* YOU are not dying appropriately.
Me: I threw out my back over Thanksgiving break.
Student: From aggressively eating turkey?
Student: I have a class first thing in the morning, and the room smells like ARMPITS. …I think it’s from the class before us. It’s a fitness course-I don’t know if they DO fitness, or if they just SMELL LIKE fitness.
Chris: You never realize how often your students use the word “Nazi” until you have a German exchange student in the class.
Mom: If they didn’t want dead people, they should have said so.
[driving home]
Me: I'm not a grad student anymore! Wow!!
Me: Wonder what I am now?
Me: ...
Me: Unemployed. I'm unemployed.
Jeremy, praying about Andrea passing her prospectus defense: We rejoice in Andrea’s passing.
Andrea: Go to Alaska, play with the polar bears… They’re actually kind of angry things, aren’t they?
Priay: I’m sorry, I didn’t care about humanity at that point.
Priya: That’s the extent of your desire? You shame me.
Jeremy: My AP English teacher asked us to summarize Hamlet in one line, and I said, “Sometimes you feel like a nut; sometimes you don’t.”
Jeremy and Ashley, singing to the tune of Feliz Navidad: I wanna wish you a prosperous buttcrack, I wanna wish you a prosperous buttcrack…
Andrea: Leah’s so upset that she’s a werewolf.
Ashley: I saw that.
Andrea: She’s got TWO sets of fangs. She ain’t no werewolf.
Ashley: I’m happy to be a werewolf. I like werewolves. You’re a vampire.
Andrea: I don’t care either way. …I’M SWITZERLAND.
Ashley: Thank you, Bella!
Jeremy, on the PhD movie: We didn’t come here because we wanted information about grad school-we came here because we’re bitter about grad school.
Andrea: I’m a grad student. Of COURSE I pray!
Andrea: None of my students can spell ‘Shakespeare’ right!
Ashley: Yeah, well, neither could Shakespeare.
Sally: Oh, me of little faith!
Ashley: They think if they give you enough details you’ll take pity on them.
Andrea: I have no pity. I have the soul of an instructor.
On Jane Eyre:
Student 1: I've been really fascinated by the supernatural events going on in the novel thus far. Grace Poole's creepy laugh, the red room, Rochester's bed being lit on fire, the stabbing of Mr. Mason... all of it has been so thrilling to read. I really do hope that Bronte decides to explain all of these events, rather than leave them unexplained as sometimes happens in gothic novels. I bet that laughter doesn't belong to Grace Poole after all!
Student 2: I'm really hoping it's actually supernatural and not Rochester's decaying father or something like that.
Leah: There’s something a little terrifying about a whole army of Santas.
Student, on Jane Eyre: You can't be married to two people at once Rochester... geez.
Andrea: This is questionable pumpkin use.
Student on the end of Jane Eyre: The ending made me very happy for the characters, but super disappointed in the events. I wanted it to be some sad, Game of Thrones-like ending where I feel bad for everyone and walk away being generally depressed for the remainder of the day. But no.
Andrea: That’s one of the few things in my life I actually regret: my ex-fiance, and calculus.
Jen: She wants to be loved, not in an “Aww, she’s lonely!” kind of way, but because she’s-
Ashley: A cat.
Jen: I was going to say a sociopath, but yes, same thing.
Andrea: What’s wrong with them?
Ashley: They’re grad students, honey. Don’t stare.
Ashley: So I’m definitely plotting to sew tribbles.
Andrea: Signs your dissertation is done and you’re just waiting out the semester…
Ashley: Go to sleep, Dodger.
Dodger: Besides “Well done, good and faithful servant,” those are the words I most long to hear.
Jeremy: Love the puker, hate the puke.
Jeremy: And then Stalin had them all shot.
Dr. J, on how to write a teaching philosophy: I’ve invited speakers who have received teaching awards. So these are people who were successful at convincing people that they have a teaching philosophy.
Dr. G: You should probably know this is illegal wine and you’re responsible.
Grad director, as he takes a glass from Mary-Kate: Why am *I* responsible?
…
Grad director: It’s alright; if we get caught we’ll just sell one of the postdocs down the river.
Dr. G: We’ll just have to make sure none of us get arrested as we leave.
Dr. H: Man, there go my plans for the night! How’s a medievalist supposed to have fun anymore?
Mary-Kate: As little as I know of “The Joy of Cooking,” in so many ways…
*Ashley has been preheating the oven*
Ashley: HEAT, DARN YOU!
*oven immediately beeps*
Ashley: THANK YOU.
Ashley, to Andrea: …That was kind of magical.
*The sound of Andrea swatting flies comes from the living room*
Andrea: *THWACK* … *THWACK* … *THWACK* … *THWACKETY-THWACKETY-THWACKETY-THWACKETY--*
Ashley: AIN’T YOU GOT THAT THING DEAD YET??
Later:
Andrea: *THWACK* *THWACK* YOU are not dying appropriately.
Me: I threw out my back over Thanksgiving break.
Student: From aggressively eating turkey?
Student: I have a class first thing in the morning, and the room smells like ARMPITS. …I think it’s from the class before us. It’s a fitness course-I don’t know if they DO fitness, or if they just SMELL LIKE fitness.
Chris: You never realize how often your students use the word “Nazi” until you have a German exchange student in the class.
Mom: If they didn’t want dead people, they should have said so.
[driving home]
Me: I'm not a grad student anymore! Wow!!
Me: Wonder what I am now?
Me: ...
Me: Unemployed. I'm unemployed.
Jeremy, praying about Andrea passing her prospectus defense: We rejoice in Andrea’s passing.
Andrea: Go to Alaska, play with the polar bears… They’re actually kind of angry things, aren’t they?
Priay: I’m sorry, I didn’t care about humanity at that point.
Priya: That’s the extent of your desire? You shame me.
Jeremy: My AP English teacher asked us to summarize Hamlet in one line, and I said, “Sometimes you feel like a nut; sometimes you don’t.”
Jeremy and Ashley, singing to the tune of Feliz Navidad: I wanna wish you a prosperous buttcrack, I wanna wish you a prosperous buttcrack…