Captain Corporate Calling...
The first instinct is to be impressed, always be impressed. This is what we are taught. This is how we're polite.
If something is new, if something is different, if something is built for the left handed, for god's sake just please be impressed. Because in a certain type of light, in another shadow, you have arrived. These days that start at 8am and continue until midnight through: budget meetings, marketing meetings, sales meetings, contract meetings, pre-dinner drink meetings, dinner meetings, post-dinner drink meetings, after post-dinner drink meetings, post after post-dinner meetings, nightcap meetings, I can't remember what the fuck my room number is meetings (although to be fair these are usually meetings of one) and of course, I'm hugging the toilet at 3am curiously wondering if I'll be throwing up the beer, the bottle white wine, the first cosmo, the second cosmo, or the red wine meeting. The findings of that meeting of course being, all of the above.
But be impressed, regardless of the meeting. Be impressed. Because no one wants to be there, yet everyone has to. And everyone else is impressed, so why aren't you?
You are not allowed to wonder what could have so dramatically changed (did you buy a new shirt, get a haircut, were you not impressive?) to find this lifestyle thrusted upon you. For it has been here the whole time, this world of meetings, and drinking, and drinking meetings. This place of bonus plans, wine tastings, golf admiration and that same fucking tired story about THAT ONE TIME IN ATLANTA... Did you mistakenly utter password somewhere? Or was it a secret handshake? Are you so much changed from your former self that they allow you in unquestioning? Are you more easily impressed?
It's a world where if you have an issue (for we do not have problems) you cannot solve, you are reminded of how much money you make. The argument seems awkward and heavy but clarity hits you once you sober up. For what you are now paid, do what you have to and never bring this ugly "issue" word to our attention again. You're part of the sales group now, we do not have issues.
But if we did, you can bet your ass they'd be impressive issues.
If something is new, if something is different, if something is built for the left handed, for god's sake just please be impressed. Because in a certain type of light, in another shadow, you have arrived. These days that start at 8am and continue until midnight through: budget meetings, marketing meetings, sales meetings, contract meetings, pre-dinner drink meetings, dinner meetings, post-dinner drink meetings, after post-dinner drink meetings, post after post-dinner meetings, nightcap meetings, I can't remember what the fuck my room number is meetings (although to be fair these are usually meetings of one) and of course, I'm hugging the toilet at 3am curiously wondering if I'll be throwing up the beer, the bottle white wine, the first cosmo, the second cosmo, or the red wine meeting. The findings of that meeting of course being, all of the above.
But be impressed, regardless of the meeting. Be impressed. Because no one wants to be there, yet everyone has to. And everyone else is impressed, so why aren't you?
You are not allowed to wonder what could have so dramatically changed (did you buy a new shirt, get a haircut, were you not impressive?) to find this lifestyle thrusted upon you. For it has been here the whole time, this world of meetings, and drinking, and drinking meetings. This place of bonus plans, wine tastings, golf admiration and that same fucking tired story about THAT ONE TIME IN ATLANTA... Did you mistakenly utter password somewhere? Or was it a secret handshake? Are you so much changed from your former self that they allow you in unquestioning? Are you more easily impressed?
It's a world where if you have an issue (for we do not have problems) you cannot solve, you are reminded of how much money you make. The argument seems awkward and heavy but clarity hits you once you sober up. For what you are now paid, do what you have to and never bring this ugly "issue" word to our attention again. You're part of the sales group now, we do not have issues.
But if we did, you can bet your ass they'd be impressive issues.