A Small Matter of Protection...

Apr 16, 2009 04:59

         In the early 1980’s the results of a new long term study were hastily published. “Condom Use May Lead to Cancer” splashed across the New York Times’ front page. The Post decided to go with a classy alliteration, “Constant Condom Consumption Causes Cancer.” Yet whichever newspaper you read, life suddenly became much more complicated.
         The retraction was printed the next day. The scientists cried out that it wasn’t so much the condoms themselves being the villains, but possibly something involved with their production, or packaging, or something. Anything but the condoms because that would truly suck. The world held its breath, but you know, still had sex. Hey, we’re only human, right?
         A few months later it was found that the electronic testing done on the condoms was to blame. Something with regards to a rogue electron during the testing and the molecular composition of latex as well as a rare genetic deficiency in a certain percentage of the male population. Taking all this into account, there was a possibility that 1 in 200 men could contract penile cancer over a ten year period of continuous (termed as five times a week) condom use. Well as you can imagine, the people of world breathed a sigh of relief.
         Of course the good citizens of the United States fucking flipped out.

raincoats, non realz

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