quesco?
so i had this crush on a boy on my swim team as most of you know, but he as i found out yesterday was taken, and it upset me, and i don't know why i even liked this guy, but yeah, and so i found that out after practice, which was good and then i came home and talked to a lot of you over aim and jordan professed his crush on me, so that kind of made me feel better about the whole swim boy and i think i like jordan, too. i hope this isn't just something i am feeling cause of my vulnerability... and was he taking advantage of it? we are going to a show on the 28th, greeley estates is actually coming up here, that's cool. and swimming, i felt like i was in the way of someone today. and i think he got angry, but he had no reason to be... i don't know, things are so much more dramatic in school here than they are at dmhs. like more people drop out, more people are pregnant, there's more groping in the halls, it's like an episode right out of my so called life, it's so true, the whole scene, and i am finally experiencing it. crazy. my first meet is on august 31st. i am scared, i don't want to let myself down. if i don't break 27, i don't know what i will do. i don't know if i am even capable. and i just found out that we are to have another coach coming from somewhere else. and john and becca's mom don't like him, they believe him to be a flake, but i don't know... i guess i just feel like john is quitting on me. i don't know, like- i want to scream "SENSE MY AMBITIONS GOD DAMMIT!!!!!!!!" oh man, i hear all these things about kimo, the former head coach and how much he would have loved me for my dedication and how he would have worked with me. when he comes back i just want this fantasy to come to life with him coming out of retirement and taking me under his wing. well, maybe i am getting the wrong idea about this new coach that is coming, i can't believe i am saying this, but i hope he is like jerry. but not completely. i want him to actually care about things out of our control, and don't even dare abandon me. now i am talking about things as if you know what is going through my head, so i apologize for anything that seems unclear. i hope B. Hanson wins that gold medal, i almost cried when he lost to that asian- cause his story seems so worthy. i talked to brittany on aim yesterday. it was pleasant, i didn't think it would ever happen again. i can't wait for ricky and kyle to come up here. please plans, don't fall through... amen. goodnight