(no subject)
On december 5th, 2005 I wrote this:
I don't want to go to sleep.....
I'm afraid....
I don't want these feeling,s these fresh memories, this consumption...
to drift, to fade away into mere memories....
It's too late, I'm way too tired, and it feels like it's been so
much longer than just over a day.
One magical night...
so many images, feelings, intensities...
all to be filed away in my special section of things to be cherished.
Every step taken was so much more than I had ever dared to hope for,
even at the most recent previous step...
I stood there and hoped with all I had that I'd recall just one point in time.
I chose that point before I even had those hopes.
For all the times that I missed something, that I felt the door was bolted down....
For the specific door that came undone...
Should that door meet it's end....
I shall never look back in regret.
Should I ever walk that path and then be led away from it somehow....
I'll be thankful and fulfilled regardless of good or bad.
Is it still unlocked?
I dare not enter unbidden....
I dare not stay unwelcomed...
I'm sitting here, facing the world out in front of me,
imagining what it is that I cannot yet feel.
Silently reliving the adventure....
On the night of Dec. 3rd, by sheer luck I went to the first houseparty and show of the band "Danny's House". I had totally forgotten the words I had written here in response to that night. After almost a year, after all that's been said and done..... I was right, i have no regrets, even with my first tattoo that pays homage to this time in my life and the friendships with these awesome guys. I even feel for one of them, badly. hmmmm, i guess i can name some regrets, but really, in general, i'm glad to have gone where i went. the greatest of happiness, the greatest of saddness. Sometimes i wish i could go back and start over, for the sake of this lost love.... overall, i think it's best how it all played out.
I'm not very much a part of things with them anymore. I'll be okay though.
I don't want to go to sleep.....
I'm afraid....
I don't want these feeling,s these fresh memories, this consumption...
to drift, to fade away into mere memories....
It's too late, I'm way too tired, and it feels like it's been so
much longer than just over a day.
One magical night...
so many images, feelings, intensities...
all to be filed away in my special section of things to be cherished.
Every step taken was so much more than I had ever dared to hope for,
even at the most recent previous step...
I stood there and hoped with all I had that I'd recall just one point in time.
I chose that point before I even had those hopes.
For all the times that I missed something, that I felt the door was bolted down....
For the specific door that came undone...
Should that door meet it's end....
I shall never look back in regret.
Should I ever walk that path and then be led away from it somehow....
I'll be thankful and fulfilled regardless of good or bad.
Is it still unlocked?
I dare not enter unbidden....
I dare not stay unwelcomed...
I'm sitting here, facing the world out in front of me,
imagining what it is that I cannot yet feel.
Silently reliving the adventure....
On the night of Dec. 3rd, by sheer luck I went to the first houseparty and show of the band "Danny's House". I had totally forgotten the words I had written here in response to that night. After almost a year, after all that's been said and done..... I was right, i have no regrets, even with my first tattoo that pays homage to this time in my life and the friendships with these awesome guys. I even feel for one of them, badly. hmmmm, i guess i can name some regrets, but really, in general, i'm glad to have gone where i went. the greatest of happiness, the greatest of saddness. Sometimes i wish i could go back and start over, for the sake of this lost love.... overall, i think it's best how it all played out.
I'm not very much a part of things with them anymore. I'll be okay though.