part 1 (I got cut off!)kait_rnOctober 24 2008, 21:05:50 UTC
(sorry this is all disorganzied...I keep cutting and pasting and thinking of more things to add. I was also a bit overwhelmed in answering ebcause it SUCKS!!!!)
You know what just is really ironic and unfortunate here, and just plain SUCKS? You do these nice, caring things for people and as a result of it feel BAD!! That's not how it's supposed to be...I *know* you're not trying to get anything in return, you just want to know that your caring/efforts are not for nothing, that people actually appreciate this and let you know that in some way that you helped them/enriched their life in some little way/made their day a little brighter. Oh, and yes, I think it's fairly natural that there should be give and take in friendships...you should want to help your friends, and they would WANT to help you back!! WTF is going on here?!!!
And I totally know how you feel, as I did about my friend... ~*~I'd give you the world, I just want to know that you CARE, even just a little bit~*~ You're NOT asking for much...just not to be stepped on.
I think you're right, that being with E has sort of perhaps unconsciously lowered your standards, or something. It sounds like you've always done more for others than you've gotten back, like you radiate a "call Laura! She'll be there, she'll lend a shoulder, lend a hand" aura, and that's probably simply because you are a GOOD, CARING person. It just sounds like it's been worse lately. And you're right again, it's very self-esteem lowering when people don't treat you well. And then other things, like the kid's dad yelling at you (yeah, nice) is just like a kick when you're already feeling down.
I don't know what's wrong with people...if I had someone cleaning up after me after I was sick from drinking I'd be MORTIFIED first of all and unable to thank them/apologize enough!!
I feel for you about the friend who keeps phoning you about the same bloody thing for like five years...ugh.
You must radiate this thing like, "Call Laura! Laura's ALWAYS there to lend a shoulder, lend a hand..." and yeah, you will be, for awhile. But your patience and giving isn't infinite, even if people think it is. When the movie "27 Dresses" came out and I saw/read the description, it actually made me think of you, for some reason, strange as that sounds. Not literally...but you COULD be a character in a movie, someone who ALWAYS play the supporting role, the great friend, who never actually has had the spotlight, or gets the girl, or whoever. Like some kind of Dear Abby...but who does Dear Abby write to, you know?! Who comforts the comforter?
I think it's interesting that it took someone *gasp!* appreciating you is what you go, "hey....! something's not right here!" I think they were appropriate and NORMAL... I'd be grateful too if someone came over within ten minutes to look after my (umm, non-existent) son!!!
"Forget it--I'm over it. I'll only do nice things for people who show me respect, and I'll call people out who don't show me that respect when it's deserved." Best plan EVAR imho... and calling people out can be liek, "whoa..you were actually SO drunk you didn't even notice i spent an hour cleaning up your vomit! LIKE LOL!!" kind of casual, you know.
You know what just is really ironic and unfortunate here, and just plain SUCKS? You do these nice, caring things for people and as a result of it feel BAD!! That's not how it's supposed to be...I *know* you're not trying to get anything in return, you just want to know that your caring/efforts are not for nothing, that people actually appreciate this and let you know that in some way that you helped them/enriched their life in some little way/made their day a little brighter. Oh, and yes, I think it's fairly natural that there should be give and take in friendships...you should want to help your friends, and they would WANT to help you back!! WTF is going on here?!!!
And I totally know how you feel, as I did about my friend... ~*~I'd give you the world, I just want to know that you CARE, even just a little bit~*~ You're NOT asking for much...just not to be stepped on.
I think you're right, that being with E has sort of perhaps unconsciously lowered your standards, or something. It sounds like you've always done more for others than you've gotten back, like you radiate a "call Laura! She'll be there, she'll lend a shoulder, lend a hand" aura, and that's probably simply because you are a GOOD, CARING person. It just sounds like it's been worse lately. And you're right again, it's very self-esteem lowering when people don't treat you well. And then other things, like the kid's dad yelling at you (yeah, nice) is just like a kick when you're already feeling down.
I don't know what's wrong with people...if I had someone cleaning up after me after I was sick from drinking I'd be MORTIFIED first of all and unable to thank them/apologize enough!!
I feel for you about the friend who keeps phoning you about the same bloody thing for like five years...ugh.
You must radiate this thing like, "Call Laura! Laura's ALWAYS there to lend a shoulder, lend a hand..." and yeah, you will be, for awhile. But your patience and giving isn't infinite, even if people think it is. When the movie "27 Dresses" came out and I saw/read the description, it actually made me think of you, for some reason, strange as that sounds. Not literally...but you COULD be a character in a movie, someone who ALWAYS play the supporting role, the great friend, who never actually has had the spotlight, or gets the girl, or whoever. Like some kind of Dear Abby...but who does Dear Abby write to, you know?! Who comforts the comforter?
I think it's interesting that it took someone *gasp!* appreciating you is what you go, "hey....! something's not right here!" I think they were appropriate and NORMAL... I'd be grateful too if someone came over within ten minutes to look after my (umm, non-existent) son!!!
"Forget it--I'm over it. I'll only do nice things for people who show me respect, and I'll call people out who don't show me that respect when it's deserved." Best plan EVAR imho... and calling people out can be liek, "whoa..you were actually SO drunk you didn't even notice i spent an hour cleaning up your vomit! LIKE LOL!!" kind of casual, you know.
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