(no subject)
Things which are not fun:
Spending 7 hours on a train.
Spending them going through places you associate with various traumas.
Being in a mental state where you can adequately accept those things as traumas instead of "funny stories".
Feeling like you have to fucking perform for more gatekeepers.
Things which are still not fun exactly but less awful:
Being told you can probably expect PROBABLY to be looking at "single digit months" of waiting for surgery pending agreement by a consultant.
Being told your shift has PROVISIONALLY oversubscribed for voluntary redundancies so you are probably out of the woods regarding compulsory redundancy.
Things which are embarrassing:
My attempts at sugar craft.
Not being able to generate as much bullshit as necessary for commission work due to unbelievable overtiredness.
The fact that the removal of constraint on consumption keeps resulting in overeating and near-continual guilt.
The pathetic and puny amount of exercise it takes for me to become out of breath and tired.
Why can't I write more and faster and better
Why can't I sleep like a person
Why the living fuck is there a massive bruise on my knee
Why do I feel so abjectly CUT OFF from everyone and everything so suddenly
Other:
Haircut, clothing project success (the scarf kimino worked), near-completion of another clothing project (cropped lightweight hoodie for summer, going to try to repeat something similar in parachute silk), a forearm pocket thing that can fit the requisite quantity of glitter) and
i am so
tired
and so on edge
and so sick of this awful awful awful body
Spending 7 hours on a train.
Spending them going through places you associate with various traumas.
Being in a mental state where you can adequately accept those things as traumas instead of "funny stories".
Feeling like you have to fucking perform for more gatekeepers.
Things which are still not fun exactly but less awful:
Being told you can probably expect PROBABLY to be looking at "single digit months" of waiting for surgery pending agreement by a consultant.
Being told your shift has PROVISIONALLY oversubscribed for voluntary redundancies so you are probably out of the woods regarding compulsory redundancy.
Things which are embarrassing:
My attempts at sugar craft.
Not being able to generate as much bullshit as necessary for commission work due to unbelievable overtiredness.
The fact that the removal of constraint on consumption keeps resulting in overeating and near-continual guilt.
The pathetic and puny amount of exercise it takes for me to become out of breath and tired.
Why can't I write more and faster and better
Why can't I sleep like a person
Why the living fuck is there a massive bruise on my knee
Why do I feel so abjectly CUT OFF from everyone and everything so suddenly
Other:
Haircut, clothing project success (the scarf kimino worked), near-completion of another clothing project (cropped lightweight hoodie for summer, going to try to repeat something similar in parachute silk), a forearm pocket thing that can fit the requisite quantity of glitter) and
i am so
tired
and so on edge
and so sick of this awful awful awful body