(no subject)
I am probably going to spend money seeing an actual dietitian.
I am ludicrously stressed by the number of things I am not doing; they are all piling up on my head like an invisible tower of shit. But I am too fucking tired all the time to be able to make any decent, rational progress on the majority of them, but I cannot sleep because I keep trying to make things happen by overplanning them in my head while I'm too tired to actually do anything about them and thus making myself more tired.
The upshot of which is that I get incandescently angry with anything and anyone that presents an impediment to my failure to make progress because they're a tangible problem rather than the un-shout-at-able problem of "being too tired/underfed and therefore too dumb to do anything".
Problems:
1. Feel very behind on plotting/research for future book project
2. Really want to get on with second-line edits on previous book project due to time constraints but cannot as person doing me a favour is very busy and out of contact and I can't do shit until I have her corrections (factual/experiential).
3. Have taken on a paid project which I am excited for but keep being neurotic about the parameters of because I cannot necessarily always follow exactly what the commissioning person is explaining, due to aforementioned tiredness and the limitations of text.
4. Obsessively trying to control food intake and exercise outgoings but failing to lose any more weight, which continues to anger/trouble me as my fucking BMI won't dropppppppppppppp. [SOLUTION: just fucking see a dietitian and talk about the best approach since I can't bring myself to trust the websites].
5. Feeling dumb continually, like breathtakingly stupid, constantly making mistakes, panicking about mistakes, falling back into bad mental habits regarding secrecy and bullshitting.
I am ludicrously stressed by the number of things I am not doing; they are all piling up on my head like an invisible tower of shit. But I am too fucking tired all the time to be able to make any decent, rational progress on the majority of them, but I cannot sleep because I keep trying to make things happen by overplanning them in my head while I'm too tired to actually do anything about them and thus making myself more tired.
The upshot of which is that I get incandescently angry with anything and anyone that presents an impediment to my failure to make progress because they're a tangible problem rather than the un-shout-at-able problem of "being too tired/underfed and therefore too dumb to do anything".
Problems:
1. Feel very behind on plotting/research for future book project
2. Really want to get on with second-line edits on previous book project due to time constraints but cannot as person doing me a favour is very busy and out of contact and I can't do shit until I have her corrections (factual/experiential).
3. Have taken on a paid project which I am excited for but keep being neurotic about the parameters of because I cannot necessarily always follow exactly what the commissioning person is explaining, due to aforementioned tiredness and the limitations of text.
4. Obsessively trying to control food intake and exercise outgoings but failing to lose any more weight, which continues to anger/trouble me as my fucking BMI won't dropppppppppppppp. [SOLUTION: just fucking see a dietitian and talk about the best approach since I can't bring myself to trust the websites].
5. Feeling dumb continually, like breathtakingly stupid, constantly making mistakes, panicking about mistakes, falling back into bad mental habits regarding secrecy and bullshitting.