OR, car, week so far, frigid weather
My trip to OR was ... okay, I guess? It was still damn cold, but I had taken a heating pad for my bed (MiniPlu's usually the one using it, but she sacrificed it for the cause) which meant a) I could pre-warm my clothes by putting them on the pad while I was brushing my teeth and such, before putting them on and b) I didn't have to have freezing-cold feet in bed. Made a HUGE difference. I also took more initiative on getting the woodstove going. I didn't keep it going all day - my dad is right, it takes a LOT to keep it going for extended periods, but having a proper, wood-fueled fire going for even an hour, and not just igniting a small pile of junk for 10 mins, helped a little. The thing was, even my *dad* commented on how cold it was in the evenings while we were watching TV, and it's just ... WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?? The thing is, it's too hard to reach the woodpile at night - it's pitch black outside, no lights - so you have to plan in advance to bring some wood in during the day.
I had brought him a knit hat and scarf set, to encourage him to be warmer. Right now he just wears an old trucker/baseball hat, and whatever rag/scrap he has on hand to wrap around his neck. But his first response was to say, "I'll save it for winter." Dad, it's January, it's winter NOW. "Then I'll just save it for when it gets colder." Sigh. Nope, he didn't wear either item while I was there, not once. I'm not even sure where he put them. It was about 44F/6.67C in the house every morning, and the warmest I saw during the day was about 56F/13.3C, and that was *after* getting the woodstove going. (CO monitor I bought him never got off 0ppm, thankfully.) Although, to be fair, the thermometer isn't near the woodstove, so the living room was probably a few degrees warmer, at least in the immediate area around the stove. While it was going. Keep in mind that we had two days around 60F/15.5C outside - it was warmer out than in.
Items accomplished while there: Met with tax preparer and handed over all 2017 documents (he didn't remember to file last year, sigh), plus the one 2018 document that had already arrived. Gave her my contact info and told her to bill me directly for her services. Met with financial advisor, got his personal power of attorney form taken care of, changed mailing address to mine for statements associated with those investments. (I'm going to have to start a separate file box for my dad's stuff.) Closed credit union account on their advice (I had gone in to talk about having mailing address changed, and they pointed out that since my dad doesn't really seem to be accessing that account - they were right - it might be simpler to close it and transfer the money to his regular bank, so I brought my dad in to do that. Had mailing address changed to mine for his regular bank account, but kept his address on checks. Dropped off medical power of attorney forms at doctor's office, and also - on their advice - got my dad to sign off on a medical proxy form for their online patient portal, so I could have access to that if needed. Got regular power of attorney form notarized.
And, of course, I met with the two home care companies, and picked one. That person was supposed to start Monday. I haven't yet heard how that's gone. Assuming my dad let her in. (I left the coordinator a hand-written note for her to give to my dad's specific care person, assuring him that this person is my emissary, and she is not there to take away his independence.) It's both understandable and irritating that the minimum billable time is 2 hours per visit, regardless of whether the person is there the full two hours or not. And given that my dad definitely doesn't need anyone there for two hours, it feels a bit wasteful. But they're not super-expensive, and if it helps, then good. However, if my dad routinely refuses the assistance, then I might have to terminate their help and see if I can up the neighbor's payments in exchange for her helping him with his mail and running him on errands on her days off - assuming she'd even have time, even if I did pay her. He at least knows who she is (most of the time).
One thing Will suggested as we drove home from the airport Sun morning was that I sign up for the USPS alerts that tell you exactly what's coming in the mail on any given day. That way, if I have a means of contacting my dad's aide directly (still getting that kink worked out), I can alert her to make sure he pays such-and-so bill, or puts his 2018 tax statements in the envelope the preparer provided (for those items that aren't now coming to me, anyway), etc.
I acquired a small file box - the financial advisor saw he had one on hand that he never used, so he gave it to me. It already had folders in it, although not tabs, so I made my own and taped them on. Anyway, I used it to file away all the statements and such that my dad had lying around (I had put those things into piles after accumulating all the mail he had sitting around during the Dec visit, much of which was unopened), and taped on a notice to the front of the box, indicating what was in there, in hopes he (or the aide, anyway) would put future statements in there, as well.
I also left a VERY IMPORTANT note, standing right in front of the box (which was, in turn, in front of the TV, in his line-of-sight), asterisked and underlined, reminding him that he had recently changed the mailing address for such-and-so accounts, and not to worry. I had to do this because among the mail I found on *this* visit was the confirmation statement from an account I'd had his neighbor help him change, stating that he had changed the mailing address to me and he had confused notes written all over it, with big question marks next to the new address, which he didn't recognize as mine (to be fair, he hasn't ever used it), comments of "But I haven't moved!" and "I didn't ask for this!" and "Call them!" - which, thankfully, he had not yet done. Mostly because, of course, he set the letter down and promptly forgot it existed. But, yikes, I hadn't even thought of that. So, anyway, I set up that note reminding him he HAD asked for these recent address changes, that it was for MY address, and that all was well.
The thing is, despite everything I've done, I feel like it's not going to result in anything. He's not going to pay attention to the notes I left, or at least, he's not going to see them when he NEEDS to (ie when opening mail and seeing an address-change confirmation). He's not going to see the note I taped next to his door, telling him to let the new caregiver in, or he's just going to say he's fine, thanks, doesn't need anything. He's not going to remember to keep the woodstove going. And, frankly, I know that within moments after I drove away, he forgot I was there at all.
I admit to being fascinated by how his memory is (or isn't) working these days. Like - his short term memory clearly lasts only a minute or two. And yet, he never was surprised when I came out of my room every morning, or came back to the house after going to town by myself for a few mins. He remembered I was visiting and was supposed to be there. But if I were to go back tomorrow, he wouldn't remember that I had been there recently. When I told him he had an appointment with his tax preparer, he would shake his head in confusion and say he wasn't sure who that was, not even when I mentioned her by name (although at least then he'd say that the name sounded sort of familiar but he was still pretty uncertain). But if I held up her business envelope, with her name stamped on the return-address part, and he read that, he knew immediately who that was. Just ... baffling and fascinating, both.
Anyway, I feel like I did the best I could, and now ... we wait and see.
I was also able to get my new-to-me car on Monday Tuesday!
After taking MiniPlu to practice at school on Monday afternoon, Will drove me out to the Mazda dealership, to take possession of my car. I had spoken to the dealer that morning, and he'd assured me it would be polished up and ready by then. Anyway, when we got there, N, the dealer, came out with us to put on the temporary plates, which was when I noticed the rear bumper protector hadn't been put on (this was the extra thing I'd paid to have added, to protect against damage hauling things in and out of the trunk). N then asked us to see if the repair had been done to the leather "boot" around the gearshift - that was the thing that had a small rip/tear in, which they had planned to repair for free. Nope, the damaged one was still on there.
Cue much cursing (well, not really, but you could tell he wanted to) on N's part, as he stomped back into the building, with us in his wake, insisting that he'd given the keys to the service department when the parts came in, so WTF, and to go yell pretty much the same thing at the guy at the service counter. Said guy immediately told N something along the lines of, "We've been over this. Don't come in here and yell at me" and basically took N down a peg. N of course, tried to shush him, and indicate that this really wasn't the best place to have that conversation - which I totally agree about - and they all disappeared into the back for a bit. Eventually a manager came back out with N - not sure if it's the sales manager or service manager or what - and apologized, saying he was "at least half" to blame - not sure if he was blaming the other half on N or on someone else. They didn't have any mechanics free to do the work just then, and also wanted the car to be room temperature before they began, which meant keeping it in the service garage overnight. But they did offer to actually deliver the car straight to our house late Tues morning, as soon as the work was finished.
Will said he wanted to put the packet of papers N had given us - with the temporary registration, the sales agreement, etc - in the glove box of the new car. N had already handed out the two fobs to us as he'd been putting the temporary tag on, and I had already used "mine" to pop the trunk once we realized the work hadn't been done, to make sure the parts hadn't just been left in the trunk. (They hadn't.) Anyway, that was the key fob we'd handed back to the service department, so Will pulled out "his" fob to open the Mazda and stick the papers in.
His fob did not work.
Back we went into the dealership to explain the problem to N and hand it over to be dealt with. N thought maybe the battery had died in the few weeks since the car had been traded to them, but I'm also wondering if the fobs were digitally re-keyed, so to speak, after the sale, and they'd only managed to re-key one of them, for whatever reason. But ... SHEESH.
I told Will it was a good thing he and Karen already had three years of good service behind them, leading me to believe this was just a massive case of miscommunication. If this had been my first experience with them, I would have told everyone I knew to avoid this dealership like the plague, for being populated by incompetent buffoons.
They did, indeed, bring the car to the house when they finished, although this ended up being more like 2:15p, not the late morning they'd implied, but at least it's here and seems to be fine. I didn't get to drive it until today, and I'm still figuring out the features and locations of things, but it's good to finally have it in hand.
I'm not normally prone to naming my stuff (music players, cars, etc), but the fact that it's all-black lead me to promptly dub it Toothless (from How to Train Your Dragon. So, Toothless it is. :D
It's been a busier week than I anticipated. I returned home on the red-eye, arriving in the wee hours of Sunday morning. Came home, slept for 90 mins, then got up again to take MiniPlu to church (she helps with the kids' service downstairs). I took a 3 hour nap (longer than I intended) after that, before finally getting to my usual weekend chores and errands.
Monday I was asked to help with lunch/recess duty at the elementary school. J, the secretary, wasn't going to be at school, herself, but she assured me they'd have outdoor recess. This matters because if it's outdoor recess, several adults are all there together, so if I have to run off to the bathroom, there's already backup. For indoor recess, the adults are spread out, one per classroom, which doesn't work for me right now. And, sure enough, when I arrived, I was told that it didn't get quite warm enough, so it was indoor recess. "Houston, we have a problem." I explained the issue, and first they were stymied, until they remembered one of the one-on-one teacher aides - her "one" was absent that day so she didn't HAVE to stay in her classroom all day. They pulled her to be my backup during the recess portions of my shift, leaving her to have her own lunch or go back to her usual classroom during the cafeteria portions. I like this woman a lot, so that worked well, but, yeah, it almost didn't!
Tues I was asked if I would do lunch again (definitely warm enough for outdoor) after my usual morning in the library, and then go back to the library after lunch because the librarian had a ton of piled-up work to deal with, and I'd get paid for the whole day. The librarian actually has enough work that I'm going in for a full day (no lunch duty) on Friday, as well.
Today I had my final starter-dose of the Entyvio, which, of course, takes several hours start to finish, then the kids asked to go out to Panera for lunch (they got gift cards for Christmas) - it's half-days at school this week because of finals. And Two asked me to proofread his latest ridiculous creation. And meanwhile, I haven't read my flist at all since leaving for OR, nor have I written a word of my Chocolate Box fic, which is due in a week. I started it two weeks ago, then decided I didn't like the direction it was going, so I'm restarting. I wrote down some notes when I was in OR, but I didn't have a computer and don't do well writing longhand, and since returning haven't actually had time to WRITE, nor have I worked on my friend's baby quilt, for a baby due in less than a month, and generally I'm so exhausted and drained, I don't know how I'm going to get everything taken care of. It's been a bad Crohn's day today, too. :(
If you live in the upper midwest (US), please be safe! The front is finally reaching us - the wind kicked in this afternoon and we've already got a windchill of 4F/-16C. Forecast high (without wind) is supposed to be 15F/-7C tomorrow, and as cold as that is, especially since the wind will be much worse, it's still nowhere near as bad as the upper midwest. I mean, when they cancel the mail for six entire states, plus parts of four others, you know it's bad! O_o
I had brought him a knit hat and scarf set, to encourage him to be warmer. Right now he just wears an old trucker/baseball hat, and whatever rag/scrap he has on hand to wrap around his neck. But his first response was to say, "I'll save it for winter." Dad, it's January, it's winter NOW. "Then I'll just save it for when it gets colder." Sigh. Nope, he didn't wear either item while I was there, not once. I'm not even sure where he put them. It was about 44F/6.67C in the house every morning, and the warmest I saw during the day was about 56F/13.3C, and that was *after* getting the woodstove going. (CO monitor I bought him never got off 0ppm, thankfully.) Although, to be fair, the thermometer isn't near the woodstove, so the living room was probably a few degrees warmer, at least in the immediate area around the stove. While it was going. Keep in mind that we had two days around 60F/15.5C outside - it was warmer out than in.
Items accomplished while there: Met with tax preparer and handed over all 2017 documents (he didn't remember to file last year, sigh), plus the one 2018 document that had already arrived. Gave her my contact info and told her to bill me directly for her services. Met with financial advisor, got his personal power of attorney form taken care of, changed mailing address to mine for statements associated with those investments. (I'm going to have to start a separate file box for my dad's stuff.) Closed credit union account on their advice (I had gone in to talk about having mailing address changed, and they pointed out that since my dad doesn't really seem to be accessing that account - they were right - it might be simpler to close it and transfer the money to his regular bank, so I brought my dad in to do that. Had mailing address changed to mine for his regular bank account, but kept his address on checks. Dropped off medical power of attorney forms at doctor's office, and also - on their advice - got my dad to sign off on a medical proxy form for their online patient portal, so I could have access to that if needed. Got regular power of attorney form notarized.
And, of course, I met with the two home care companies, and picked one. That person was supposed to start Monday. I haven't yet heard how that's gone. Assuming my dad let her in. (I left the coordinator a hand-written note for her to give to my dad's specific care person, assuring him that this person is my emissary, and she is not there to take away his independence.) It's both understandable and irritating that the minimum billable time is 2 hours per visit, regardless of whether the person is there the full two hours or not. And given that my dad definitely doesn't need anyone there for two hours, it feels a bit wasteful. But they're not super-expensive, and if it helps, then good. However, if my dad routinely refuses the assistance, then I might have to terminate their help and see if I can up the neighbor's payments in exchange for her helping him with his mail and running him on errands on her days off - assuming she'd even have time, even if I did pay her. He at least knows who she is (most of the time).
One thing Will suggested as we drove home from the airport Sun morning was that I sign up for the USPS alerts that tell you exactly what's coming in the mail on any given day. That way, if I have a means of contacting my dad's aide directly (still getting that kink worked out), I can alert her to make sure he pays such-and-so bill, or puts his 2018 tax statements in the envelope the preparer provided (for those items that aren't now coming to me, anyway), etc.
I acquired a small file box - the financial advisor saw he had one on hand that he never used, so he gave it to me. It already had folders in it, although not tabs, so I made my own and taped them on. Anyway, I used it to file away all the statements and such that my dad had lying around (I had put those things into piles after accumulating all the mail he had sitting around during the Dec visit, much of which was unopened), and taped on a notice to the front of the box, indicating what was in there, in hopes he (or the aide, anyway) would put future statements in there, as well.
I also left a VERY IMPORTANT note, standing right in front of the box (which was, in turn, in front of the TV, in his line-of-sight), asterisked and underlined, reminding him that he had recently changed the mailing address for such-and-so accounts, and not to worry. I had to do this because among the mail I found on *this* visit was the confirmation statement from an account I'd had his neighbor help him change, stating that he had changed the mailing address to me and he had confused notes written all over it, with big question marks next to the new address, which he didn't recognize as mine (to be fair, he hasn't ever used it), comments of "But I haven't moved!" and "I didn't ask for this!" and "Call them!" - which, thankfully, he had not yet done. Mostly because, of course, he set the letter down and promptly forgot it existed. But, yikes, I hadn't even thought of that. So, anyway, I set up that note reminding him he HAD asked for these recent address changes, that it was for MY address, and that all was well.
The thing is, despite everything I've done, I feel like it's not going to result in anything. He's not going to pay attention to the notes I left, or at least, he's not going to see them when he NEEDS to (ie when opening mail and seeing an address-change confirmation). He's not going to see the note I taped next to his door, telling him to let the new caregiver in, or he's just going to say he's fine, thanks, doesn't need anything. He's not going to remember to keep the woodstove going. And, frankly, I know that within moments after I drove away, he forgot I was there at all.
I admit to being fascinated by how his memory is (or isn't) working these days. Like - his short term memory clearly lasts only a minute or two. And yet, he never was surprised when I came out of my room every morning, or came back to the house after going to town by myself for a few mins. He remembered I was visiting and was supposed to be there. But if I were to go back tomorrow, he wouldn't remember that I had been there recently. When I told him he had an appointment with his tax preparer, he would shake his head in confusion and say he wasn't sure who that was, not even when I mentioned her by name (although at least then he'd say that the name sounded sort of familiar but he was still pretty uncertain). But if I held up her business envelope, with her name stamped on the return-address part, and he read that, he knew immediately who that was. Just ... baffling and fascinating, both.
Anyway, I feel like I did the best I could, and now ... we wait and see.
I was also able to get my new-to-me car on Monday Tuesday!
After taking MiniPlu to practice at school on Monday afternoon, Will drove me out to the Mazda dealership, to take possession of my car. I had spoken to the dealer that morning, and he'd assured me it would be polished up and ready by then. Anyway, when we got there, N, the dealer, came out with us to put on the temporary plates, which was when I noticed the rear bumper protector hadn't been put on (this was the extra thing I'd paid to have added, to protect against damage hauling things in and out of the trunk). N then asked us to see if the repair had been done to the leather "boot" around the gearshift - that was the thing that had a small rip/tear in, which they had planned to repair for free. Nope, the damaged one was still on there.
Cue much cursing (well, not really, but you could tell he wanted to) on N's part, as he stomped back into the building, with us in his wake, insisting that he'd given the keys to the service department when the parts came in, so WTF, and to go yell pretty much the same thing at the guy at the service counter. Said guy immediately told N something along the lines of, "We've been over this. Don't come in here and yell at me" and basically took N down a peg. N of course, tried to shush him, and indicate that this really wasn't the best place to have that conversation - which I totally agree about - and they all disappeared into the back for a bit. Eventually a manager came back out with N - not sure if it's the sales manager or service manager or what - and apologized, saying he was "at least half" to blame - not sure if he was blaming the other half on N or on someone else. They didn't have any mechanics free to do the work just then, and also wanted the car to be room temperature before they began, which meant keeping it in the service garage overnight. But they did offer to actually deliver the car straight to our house late Tues morning, as soon as the work was finished.
Will said he wanted to put the packet of papers N had given us - with the temporary registration, the sales agreement, etc - in the glove box of the new car. N had already handed out the two fobs to us as he'd been putting the temporary tag on, and I had already used "mine" to pop the trunk once we realized the work hadn't been done, to make sure the parts hadn't just been left in the trunk. (They hadn't.) Anyway, that was the key fob we'd handed back to the service department, so Will pulled out "his" fob to open the Mazda and stick the papers in.
His fob did not work.
Back we went into the dealership to explain the problem to N and hand it over to be dealt with. N thought maybe the battery had died in the few weeks since the car had been traded to them, but I'm also wondering if the fobs were digitally re-keyed, so to speak, after the sale, and they'd only managed to re-key one of them, for whatever reason. But ... SHEESH.
I told Will it was a good thing he and Karen already had three years of good service behind them, leading me to believe this was just a massive case of miscommunication. If this had been my first experience with them, I would have told everyone I knew to avoid this dealership like the plague, for being populated by incompetent buffoons.
They did, indeed, bring the car to the house when they finished, although this ended up being more like 2:15p, not the late morning they'd implied, but at least it's here and seems to be fine. I didn't get to drive it until today, and I'm still figuring out the features and locations of things, but it's good to finally have it in hand.
I'm not normally prone to naming my stuff (music players, cars, etc), but the fact that it's all-black lead me to promptly dub it Toothless (from How to Train Your Dragon. So, Toothless it is. :D
It's been a busier week than I anticipated. I returned home on the red-eye, arriving in the wee hours of Sunday morning. Came home, slept for 90 mins, then got up again to take MiniPlu to church (she helps with the kids' service downstairs). I took a 3 hour nap (longer than I intended) after that, before finally getting to my usual weekend chores and errands.
Monday I was asked to help with lunch/recess duty at the elementary school. J, the secretary, wasn't going to be at school, herself, but she assured me they'd have outdoor recess. This matters because if it's outdoor recess, several adults are all there together, so if I have to run off to the bathroom, there's already backup. For indoor recess, the adults are spread out, one per classroom, which doesn't work for me right now. And, sure enough, when I arrived, I was told that it didn't get quite warm enough, so it was indoor recess. "Houston, we have a problem." I explained the issue, and first they were stymied, until they remembered one of the one-on-one teacher aides - her "one" was absent that day so she didn't HAVE to stay in her classroom all day. They pulled her to be my backup during the recess portions of my shift, leaving her to have her own lunch or go back to her usual classroom during the cafeteria portions. I like this woman a lot, so that worked well, but, yeah, it almost didn't!
Tues I was asked if I would do lunch again (definitely warm enough for outdoor) after my usual morning in the library, and then go back to the library after lunch because the librarian had a ton of piled-up work to deal with, and I'd get paid for the whole day. The librarian actually has enough work that I'm going in for a full day (no lunch duty) on Friday, as well.
Today I had my final starter-dose of the Entyvio, which, of course, takes several hours start to finish, then the kids asked to go out to Panera for lunch (they got gift cards for Christmas) - it's half-days at school this week because of finals. And Two asked me to proofread his latest ridiculous creation. And meanwhile, I haven't read my flist at all since leaving for OR, nor have I written a word of my Chocolate Box fic, which is due in a week. I started it two weeks ago, then decided I didn't like the direction it was going, so I'm restarting. I wrote down some notes when I was in OR, but I didn't have a computer and don't do well writing longhand, and since returning haven't actually had time to WRITE, nor have I worked on my friend's baby quilt, for a baby due in less than a month, and generally I'm so exhausted and drained, I don't know how I'm going to get everything taken care of. It's been a bad Crohn's day today, too. :(
If you live in the upper midwest (US), please be safe! The front is finally reaching us - the wind kicked in this afternoon and we've already got a windchill of 4F/-16C. Forecast high (without wind) is supposed to be 15F/-7C tomorrow, and as cold as that is, especially since the wind will be much worse, it's still nowhere near as bad as the upper midwest. I mean, when they cancel the mail for six entire states, plus parts of four others, you know it's bad! O_o