Silly rabbit, Trix are for boys!
No, they are for girls!
I vaguely recall when gender was introduced to me. I don't think I cared about the details. I think I stopped after the biological differences because I didn't care one iota about whether girls were feminine or masculine or if guys were masculine or feminine.
What difference did masculinity or femininity make?
Zero.
We are all still human, with needs, emotions, and desires. Which reproductive body parts we have only make a difference in the bedroom and maybe sometimes medically.
I always thought of us all as equal. No matter what preferences we have.
Lately gender seems like a sandbox to me. Ignore the box part of that, focus on the sand. I look at it and I see sand. Smooth, maybe lumpy in spots or in different shapes, but it's all sand. No matter whether there is a half-built castle in it or it's been laid smooth and without lines it's just sand to me.
But then someone comes up and they draw a line in the sand, creating a division.
Now we have the gender binary. They see two things and they consider them to both be different.
I still see sand but it's lower where the line passes through it, and the colour may be a little darker because it's holding moisture but it's still sand.
They are adamant the two areas of sand are different.
Someone else comes up and they draw a second line in the sandbox.
The first sandbox dictator (divider, conqueror, artist, visionary, discriminator, hater, human) is upset. His/her world has been turned upside down and all the rules have been broken now that there is more than what he knew before. See also: The world is not flat and Hello Americas!
I still see sand. Nothing has changed in any meaningful way with the introduction of the new line.
I see gender this way. The binary that I perceived as mostly unspoken but never thought about because I watched how people interacted. I didn't care if girls were "girly" or not.
When I worked retail I made a friend there who said she had been in the military at one point (before pregnant) as a mechanic and that people gave her a hard time as a female mechanic. I remember expressing some surprise and puzzlement about this because I didn't see what difference the fact that she was female made to whether or not she was a good mechanic.
Gender bias and a sign of the gender binary. That didn't fit the binary.
But who cares?
Do you remember when being "metrosexual" was...cool/acceptable for guys. Wasn't that against the rules? Don't the rules say something silly like guys must have beards, or mustaches, wear flannel, and be able to wrestle a bear into submission bare-handed? Obviously I'm exaggerating some of the archetypes that are held as masculine males. (Boy does that feel repetitive.) Manly careers include: mechanic, lumberjack, great outdoorsman, and conqueror.
Which is all oh-so-silly. What...a terrible idea, telling people what they can be. Why would you want to do that? I could maybe understand if it was something that was more beneficial to society, like providing a message to discourage violence but whether or not you can play with dolls or have long hair or any number of other things which get grouped in with gender and masculinity/femininity? No, I'm not okay with that. If pressed on the matter I probably would have done what amounted to smiling and nodding. Listen...even if you vehemently disagree, display that you recognize what the other party is saying, and nod like you get it. No matter how much you feel differently.
Then when you walk away afterwards carry on believing no differently than you did before said interaction unless something actually gave you reason to think more on the matter. I have a tendency to do this when people tell me things that are completely stupid, poorly thought out, short-sighted, or offensive. You have to know when to pick your battles and I don't want to fight with everyone. Sometimes you have to know when to walk away. Especially if it's a troll like my youngest brother's friend who argues because he enjoys it even when he's making things up and pretending to not understand your argument. Trolls are the worst. I don't bother with him anymore, he's definitely not worth it.
Toys? As I kid I saw them as objects that I could wrap in my imagination and transform into something else. Boy toys or girl toys? I only knew that I liked what I liked and those were mostly Legos. Infinitely reconfigurable and that worked very nicely for my imagination. If a boy played with dolls I took it in stride. It was a toy, a visual aid that worked in tandem with your imagination. How such a tool or device ever be "wrong" to play with because of which parts you were born with biologically?
The colours for genders thing I never really got or cared about. I cared about whether the colours went together well or if they clashed. Anything beyond that wasn't worth worrying about.
With my niece...her mother was...very much about reinforcing gender stereotypes, she herself loved pink and Hello Kitty and so her little baby was going to get more of the same. If it was girly she'd be getting it. Clothes? "Girl" colours only. I don't know if she reinforced this knowingly, if it was because it was pushed on her by her mother, or because it's what she thought was right, or...I don't know. I do know that I didn't like it. I knew that I wouldn't have done that to my child. I know if I was the father I would have brought this up with my wife...then again I would have married someone different which could have averted such a situation.
For a long time I didn't think about gender, I didn't realize it was even an issue. Then, when I did, after some reflecting on it I started to see it as a sort of invisible prison. If you're stuck in a prison but don't know that you're trapped there or why you are doesn't that begin to negatively impact a person, both emotionally and mentally? You get to a point where eventually that can spill over in to sexual orientation too.
It would be nice if we would all loosen up and relax. Don't confine people, don't confine your children in such ways. Let them grow and develop without being restricted this way.
This is one (or more, kind of) the things I've been meaning to write about...that I keep delaying the reminder by one more day and then just one more....
Isn't the only thing you really need to know about gender is whether or not the other person can help you have children if that's your desired goal? Is there anything else about gender constructs that makes any difference to us whatsoever?
I wish humanity as a whole was more accepting, this is just one of the many fronts I wish that about.
Ha. I am reminded of Monty Python's "I'm a Lumberjack and I'm Okay." Too bad I wasn't listening to that as my music.
I vaguely recall when gender was introduced to me. I don't think I cared about the details. I think I stopped after the biological differences because I didn't care one iota about whether girls were feminine or masculine or if guys were masculine or feminine.
What difference did masculinity or femininity make?
Zero.
We are all still human, with needs, emotions, and desires. Which reproductive body parts we have only make a difference in the bedroom and maybe sometimes medically.
I always thought of us all as equal. No matter what preferences we have.
Lately gender seems like a sandbox to me. Ignore the box part of that, focus on the sand. I look at it and I see sand. Smooth, maybe lumpy in spots or in different shapes, but it's all sand. No matter whether there is a half-built castle in it or it's been laid smooth and without lines it's just sand to me.
But then someone comes up and they draw a line in the sand, creating a division.
Now we have the gender binary. They see two things and they consider them to both be different.
I still see sand but it's lower where the line passes through it, and the colour may be a little darker because it's holding moisture but it's still sand.
They are adamant the two areas of sand are different.
Someone else comes up and they draw a second line in the sandbox.
The first sandbox dictator (divider, conqueror, artist, visionary, discriminator, hater, human) is upset. His/her world has been turned upside down and all the rules have been broken now that there is more than what he knew before. See also: The world is not flat and Hello Americas!
I still see sand. Nothing has changed in any meaningful way with the introduction of the new line.
I see gender this way. The binary that I perceived as mostly unspoken but never thought about because I watched how people interacted. I didn't care if girls were "girly" or not.
When I worked retail I made a friend there who said she had been in the military at one point (before pregnant) as a mechanic and that people gave her a hard time as a female mechanic. I remember expressing some surprise and puzzlement about this because I didn't see what difference the fact that she was female made to whether or not she was a good mechanic.
Gender bias and a sign of the gender binary. That didn't fit the binary.
But who cares?
Do you remember when being "metrosexual" was...cool/acceptable for guys. Wasn't that against the rules? Don't the rules say something silly like guys must have beards, or mustaches, wear flannel, and be able to wrestle a bear into submission bare-handed? Obviously I'm exaggerating some of the archetypes that are held as masculine males. (Boy does that feel repetitive.) Manly careers include: mechanic, lumberjack, great outdoorsman, and conqueror.
Which is all oh-so-silly. What...a terrible idea, telling people what they can be. Why would you want to do that? I could maybe understand if it was something that was more beneficial to society, like providing a message to discourage violence but whether or not you can play with dolls or have long hair or any number of other things which get grouped in with gender and masculinity/femininity? No, I'm not okay with that. If pressed on the matter I probably would have done what amounted to smiling and nodding. Listen...even if you vehemently disagree, display that you recognize what the other party is saying, and nod like you get it. No matter how much you feel differently.
Then when you walk away afterwards carry on believing no differently than you did before said interaction unless something actually gave you reason to think more on the matter. I have a tendency to do this when people tell me things that are completely stupid, poorly thought out, short-sighted, or offensive. You have to know when to pick your battles and I don't want to fight with everyone. Sometimes you have to know when to walk away. Especially if it's a troll like my youngest brother's friend who argues because he enjoys it even when he's making things up and pretending to not understand your argument. Trolls are the worst. I don't bother with him anymore, he's definitely not worth it.
Toys? As I kid I saw them as objects that I could wrap in my imagination and transform into something else. Boy toys or girl toys? I only knew that I liked what I liked and those were mostly Legos. Infinitely reconfigurable and that worked very nicely for my imagination. If a boy played with dolls I took it in stride. It was a toy, a visual aid that worked in tandem with your imagination. How such a tool or device ever be "wrong" to play with because of which parts you were born with biologically?
The colours for genders thing I never really got or cared about. I cared about whether the colours went together well or if they clashed. Anything beyond that wasn't worth worrying about.
With my niece...her mother was...very much about reinforcing gender stereotypes, she herself loved pink and Hello Kitty and so her little baby was going to get more of the same. If it was girly she'd be getting it. Clothes? "Girl" colours only. I don't know if she reinforced this knowingly, if it was because it was pushed on her by her mother, or because it's what she thought was right, or...I don't know. I do know that I didn't like it. I knew that I wouldn't have done that to my child. I know if I was the father I would have brought this up with my wife...then again I would have married someone different which could have averted such a situation.
For a long time I didn't think about gender, I didn't realize it was even an issue. Then, when I did, after some reflecting on it I started to see it as a sort of invisible prison. If you're stuck in a prison but don't know that you're trapped there or why you are doesn't that begin to negatively impact a person, both emotionally and mentally? You get to a point where eventually that can spill over in to sexual orientation too.
It would be nice if we would all loosen up and relax. Don't confine people, don't confine your children in such ways. Let them grow and develop without being restricted this way.
This is one (or more, kind of) the things I've been meaning to write about...that I keep delaying the reminder by one more day and then just one more....
Isn't the only thing you really need to know about gender is whether or not the other person can help you have children if that's your desired goal? Is there anything else about gender constructs that makes any difference to us whatsoever?
I wish humanity as a whole was more accepting, this is just one of the many fronts I wish that about.
Ha. I am reminded of Monty Python's "I'm a Lumberjack and I'm Okay." Too bad I wasn't listening to that as my music.