Fly, Haku! Fly away!
Again with the 'angsty goth-ness is cool'? Geez.
Story or Series Title: My Midnight Sanctuary
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: Azriel Dragonstar
Summary: Rating may change. Haku struggles to unravel the mystery of the new girl who seems a reflection of his life before! SUSPENSE! HORROR! INTRIGUE! ROMANCE! Applaud my originality. H/OC, C/OC.
Good Lord.
Full Name (plus titles if any): Iro (Aburaya name)
Full Species(es): Snarky Just-Like-You Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): "She had medium-length obsidian black hair, a bit longer than his, and it was pulled back into a loose ponytail..." As an Elemental Dragon, "...[t]he fluffy hair that ran along the middle of its back from head to tail was jet black and silky..."
Eye Color (include adjectives): "Her eyes were green as well--lime green, not that ridiculous florescent hue that humans had come up with, but the blackish green that real limes are..." As an Elemental Dragon, black-green.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None described, though as a dragon she has "...scales...[that are] bright green with a tint of gold..."
Special Possessions (if any): The same rank as Haku, even though she has just arrived (and has apparently pissed Yubaba off).
Annoying Origin: We don't know, because she's a mystery! Apparently, though, she's someone from Haku's past that he cannot recall, and has some sort of leverage over Yubaba. Because, y'know, it wasn't like Chihiro was important or anything.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Haku's love interest and, as previously mentioned, she has something over Yubaba.
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to bitch out Haku (or, considering how he acts in this fic, out bitch him), push him around, and then seduce him as a dragon.
Other Annoying Traits: She's mysterious! And beautiful! And bitchy! She's so kewl! (My sincerest apologies to Impulse for the snarky usage of his word.)
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
She seemed about his age--that is to say, appearing 14 or so in human terms, but more likely around a couple of centuries old. She was very pretty, as all Guardians were, but there was nothing particularly special about her. So why couldn't Haku tear his eyes away from hers?
All of a sudden Iro faced him. "Is there a reason why you're staring at me?"
Her voice startled Haku. It was cold and disdainful, not like the simple way she had stated her new name. He masked his surprise and embarrassment with an equally aloof shrug.
"I'm simply getting an idea of my new partner."
"I'm not your partner," Iro hissed, her strange eyes flashing. "I merely share your rank. That does not mean that I'm obligated to make friends you in any way."
Haku stared at her with one raised eyebrow. "I have no problem with that in the least."
"Good," Iro snorted. She pulled the lever to stop the elevator. "Leave me alone; I can find my own way." The doors opened and she left with a toss of her hair and not a single backward glance.
Haku glared after her with contempt. What a bad-tempered little brat she was! But inside, e felt a little uneasy. For some reason, seeing Iro like that didn't fit her at all. He didn't understand this impression, because he had never met her before, and for all he knew she could easily be worse. But he still thought that it seemed unnatural, and he knew that he was disappointed at being treated so by the girl with the lovely green eyes.
He wondered what her real name was.
Whimpering painfully, Haku was massaging his aching ears before he noticed that the new girl was starting to disappear into the crowd. He jumped forward and grabbed hold of her arm. He had to know, because it was just so crazy! He knew he wasn't wrong. . .right?
"What are you doing? Let go of me, you jerk!" Iro snapped, squirming wildly in an attempt to escape. But Haku's grip remained fast. He saw her strange eyes grow wide as he pulled her around to face him.
"Wait, Iro! Just one more question," Haku said quickly. "Just give me an answer and then I'll leave you alone, all right? Please."
The black-green eyes narrowed as if to launch another insult at him, but then Iro seemed to reconsider. Her expression became less aggressive, and she stopped struggling. "Well. . .make it quick, then."
"Thank you," Haku nodded graciously. "Iro. . ." --he was going to come right out with it-- ". . .are you an Elemental Dragon?"
Iro stared at him, her mouth slightly open. She seemed surprised at first. . .however, her eyes almost instantly hardened to two unfeeling pieces of dark lime rock. "If it's all the same to you, I don't remember, all right?" she growled fiercely.
"What?" Haku was stunned. He watched her for signs of deceit. "How can you not remember your own natural birth?"
"You said only one question!" Iro snarled, wrenching her arm away from Haku's grip. Although she was several inches shorter and thinner than he was, Haku couldn't help but step backward from this threatening entity. "Besides, it doesn't matter anyway, not anymore!" Iro's lips curved in a tiny smirk. "Because. . .now that I am Yubaaba's apprentice. . .I will gain all the power that I could ever dream of!"
Haku gasped. //Yubaaba's apprentice?!//
Yeah, that was about my reaction, only with more eye-rolling.
Grammar and spelling are admirable, and Haku's characterization wasn't terrible, just exasperating. Really, Iro needs to be slapped a few times: she's whiny, bratty, angsty, and an overall annoyance. The majority of my friends are either goths or nerds, and I can assure you, Miss 'Dragonstar,' that none of them act like these whiny, aggravating bastardizations of social identity.
Not to mention she's not content with replacing Chihiro, she apparently also has to replace Haku in the Aburaya heirarchy.
But if Haku isn't Yubaba's apprentice anymore -- run, Haku! Be free, little rivergod!
Godawful Fanfic Rating: 3/6
Story or Series Title: My Midnight Sanctuary
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: Azriel Dragonstar
Summary: Rating may change. Haku struggles to unravel the mystery of the new girl who seems a reflection of his life before! SUSPENSE! HORROR! INTRIGUE! ROMANCE! Applaud my originality. H/OC, C/OC.
Good Lord.
Full Name (plus titles if any): Iro (Aburaya name)
Full Species(es): Snarky Just-Like-You Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): "She had medium-length obsidian black hair, a bit longer than his, and it was pulled back into a loose ponytail..." As an Elemental Dragon, "...[t]he fluffy hair that ran along the middle of its back from head to tail was jet black and silky..."
Eye Color (include adjectives): "Her eyes were green as well--lime green, not that ridiculous florescent hue that humans had come up with, but the blackish green that real limes are..." As an Elemental Dragon, black-green.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None described, though as a dragon she has "...scales...[that are] bright green with a tint of gold..."
Special Possessions (if any): The same rank as Haku, even though she has just arrived (and has apparently pissed Yubaba off).
Annoying Origin: We don't know, because she's a mystery! Apparently, though, she's someone from Haku's past that he cannot recall, and has some sort of leverage over Yubaba. Because, y'know, it wasn't like Chihiro was important or anything.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Haku's love interest and, as previously mentioned, she has something over Yubaba.
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to bitch out Haku (or, considering how he acts in this fic, out bitch him), push him around, and then seduce him as a dragon.
Other Annoying Traits: She's mysterious! And beautiful! And bitchy! She's so kewl! (My sincerest apologies to Impulse for the snarky usage of his word.)
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
She seemed about his age--that is to say, appearing 14 or so in human terms, but more likely around a couple of centuries old. She was very pretty, as all Guardians were, but there was nothing particularly special about her. So why couldn't Haku tear his eyes away from hers?
All of a sudden Iro faced him. "Is there a reason why you're staring at me?"
Her voice startled Haku. It was cold and disdainful, not like the simple way she had stated her new name. He masked his surprise and embarrassment with an equally aloof shrug.
"I'm simply getting an idea of my new partner."
"I'm not your partner," Iro hissed, her strange eyes flashing. "I merely share your rank. That does not mean that I'm obligated to make friends you in any way."
Haku stared at her with one raised eyebrow. "I have no problem with that in the least."
"Good," Iro snorted. She pulled the lever to stop the elevator. "Leave me alone; I can find my own way." The doors opened and she left with a toss of her hair and not a single backward glance.
Haku glared after her with contempt. What a bad-tempered little brat she was! But inside, e felt a little uneasy. For some reason, seeing Iro like that didn't fit her at all. He didn't understand this impression, because he had never met her before, and for all he knew she could easily be worse. But he still thought that it seemed unnatural, and he knew that he was disappointed at being treated so by the girl with the lovely green eyes.
He wondered what her real name was.
Whimpering painfully, Haku was massaging his aching ears before he noticed that the new girl was starting to disappear into the crowd. He jumped forward and grabbed hold of her arm. He had to know, because it was just so crazy! He knew he wasn't wrong. . .right?
"What are you doing? Let go of me, you jerk!" Iro snapped, squirming wildly in an attempt to escape. But Haku's grip remained fast. He saw her strange eyes grow wide as he pulled her around to face him.
"Wait, Iro! Just one more question," Haku said quickly. "Just give me an answer and then I'll leave you alone, all right? Please."
The black-green eyes narrowed as if to launch another insult at him, but then Iro seemed to reconsider. Her expression became less aggressive, and she stopped struggling. "Well. . .make it quick, then."
"Thank you," Haku nodded graciously. "Iro. . ." --he was going to come right out with it-- ". . .are you an Elemental Dragon?"
Iro stared at him, her mouth slightly open. She seemed surprised at first. . .however, her eyes almost instantly hardened to two unfeeling pieces of dark lime rock. "If it's all the same to you, I don't remember, all right?" she growled fiercely.
"What?" Haku was stunned. He watched her for signs of deceit. "How can you not remember your own natural birth?"
"You said only one question!" Iro snarled, wrenching her arm away from Haku's grip. Although she was several inches shorter and thinner than he was, Haku couldn't help but step backward from this threatening entity. "Besides, it doesn't matter anyway, not anymore!" Iro's lips curved in a tiny smirk. "Because. . .now that I am Yubaaba's apprentice. . .I will gain all the power that I could ever dream of!"
Haku gasped. //Yubaaba's apprentice?!//
Yeah, that was about my reaction, only with more eye-rolling.
Grammar and spelling are admirable, and Haku's characterization wasn't terrible, just exasperating. Really, Iro needs to be slapped a few times: she's whiny, bratty, angsty, and an overall annoyance. The majority of my friends are either goths or nerds, and I can assure you, Miss 'Dragonstar,' that none of them act like these whiny, aggravating bastardizations of social identity.
Not to mention she's not content with replacing Chihiro, she apparently also has to replace Haku in the Aburaya heirarchy.
But if Haku isn't Yubaba's apprentice anymore -- run, Haku! Be free, little rivergod!
Godawful Fanfic Rating: 3/6