Death by ellipses!
Just finished watching Mononoke again - I love the metaphors. And the Ashitaka/San because, er, I'm a romantic.
Story or Series Title: the true emotions (not by Miyazaki's canon, that's for sure)
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: Kittenofmystery
Summary: ummm yeah Chihiro is basicly just a little *ticked* off at this whole thing... so she handles it... her way
It says a lot about the American education system when a nineteen-year old can write something this painfully bad.
Full Name (plus titles if any): Chihiro "omgtehangst" Ogino
Full Species(es): "Canon" Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not described
Eye Color (include adjectives): Not described
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Does lengthy "metaphorical" description of Haku ripping her heart out count?
Special Possessions (if any): The bitter chains of abandoned love.
Annoying Origin: Haku never returns for Chihiro, so she angsts and spins poor metaphors. Heavy suicidal imagery, to boot.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Calls herself Chihiro, but yet again there is no plot, and nothing other than heinous exposition to explain how she gets where she is. Which is apparently on the verge of suicide or homicide; the fic is incoherent.
Annoying Special Abilities: To fill entire pages with ellipses. No, I kid you not.
Other Annoying Traits: She angsts, she longs, she's embittered - which could be done well, but isn't. She becomes an Embittered Angsteh Sue-ish figure.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
I close me eyes
And let my breath in
I bring the knife to my throat
And let the hell begin
The blackness is all around me now
It is too late to back down, to end my life soon
I feel all the torture now
Everything is ending now, beneath the full moon
Haku... how could you.... How could you? I trusted you.... I loved you... but you threw away thing away,,,... you didn't keep your promise... and you didn't keep my love..... you lied to me.... I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU!!!
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Not a single period was added or taken out. I'm not joking, either.
i.... I used to love you...... I waited for you.... but you never returned... you broke your promise... Haku how could you.... I used to love you...... I waited for you.... but you never returned... you broke your promise... Haku how could you.... Haku how could you.... how could you.... how could you.... how could you.... I LOVED YOU.... I loved you... I loved you... I loved you........................................................
The concept - Haku never returning for Chihiro - is decent enough, if overused in the fandom (much like "Haku is in teh danger Cihiro must saave him!!!1" or vice versa), but the author's writing makes me cringe. The grammar is bad enough, without the irritating repetition, the awkward and poorly executed imagery, and the friggin' ellipses that interrupt every sentence.
Chihiro herself has become a cliché in this fic: the angsty, weepy, melodramatic (and prone to really, really bad imagery and prose) Sue who has lost true love and though she wishes to push it away, she simply can't.
I don't like people trivializing serious matters with badfic.
Godawful Fanfic Rating: 3/6
I'm feeling lenient after watching Mononoke. Anybody else have a differing rating for this piece?
Story or Series Title: the true emotions (not by Miyazaki's canon, that's for sure)
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: Kittenofmystery
Summary: ummm yeah Chihiro is basicly just a little *ticked* off at this whole thing... so she handles it... her way
It says a lot about the American education system when a nineteen-year old can write something this painfully bad.
Full Name (plus titles if any): Chihiro "omgtehangst" Ogino
Full Species(es): "Canon" Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not described
Eye Color (include adjectives): Not described
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Does lengthy "metaphorical" description of Haku ripping her heart out count?
Special Possessions (if any): The bitter chains of abandoned love.
Annoying Origin: Haku never returns for Chihiro, so she angsts and spins poor metaphors. Heavy suicidal imagery, to boot.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Calls herself Chihiro, but yet again there is no plot, and nothing other than heinous exposition to explain how she gets where she is. Which is apparently on the verge of suicide or homicide; the fic is incoherent.
Annoying Special Abilities: To fill entire pages with ellipses. No, I kid you not.
Other Annoying Traits: She angsts, she longs, she's embittered - which could be done well, but isn't. She becomes an Embittered Angsteh Sue-ish figure.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
I close me eyes
And let my breath in
I bring the knife to my throat
And let the hell begin
The blackness is all around me now
It is too late to back down, to end my life soon
I feel all the torture now
Everything is ending now, beneath the full moon
Haku... how could you.... How could you? I trusted you.... I loved you... but you threw away thing away,,,... you didn't keep your promise... and you didn't keep my love..... you lied to me.... I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU!!!
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Not a single period was added or taken out. I'm not joking, either.
i.... I used to love you...... I waited for you.... but you never returned... you broke your promise... Haku how could you.... I used to love you...... I waited for you.... but you never returned... you broke your promise... Haku how could you.... Haku how could you.... how could you.... how could you.... how could you.... I LOVED YOU.... I loved you... I loved you... I loved you........................................................
The concept - Haku never returning for Chihiro - is decent enough, if overused in the fandom (much like "Haku is in teh danger Cihiro must saave him!!!1" or vice versa), but the author's writing makes me cringe. The grammar is bad enough, without the irritating repetition, the awkward and poorly executed imagery, and the friggin' ellipses that interrupt every sentence.
Chihiro herself has become a cliché in this fic: the angsty, weepy, melodramatic (and prone to really, really bad imagery and prose) Sue who has lost true love and though she wishes to push it away, she simply can't.
I don't like people trivializing serious matters with badfic.
Godawful Fanfic Rating: 3/6
I'm feeling lenient after watching Mononoke. Anybody else have a differing rating for this piece?