(no subject)
Fun fact: did you know I read every single word of every single sentence in each chapter of the fics that come up here? I'll need new glasses soon.
Today I present the endless fable of Haku and his evil twin brother, Gary "Meiou" Stu. It's actually quite funny if you're taking certain prescription medicines. Please, wield your sporks at my mark.
Story Or Series Title: changes in life
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: misakililin
Summary: this story is adapted frm kohaku river anime princess-chihiro returns back to the spirit world and finds haku and his twin bro meiou
Full Name (plus titles if any): Meiou
Full Species(es): Brotherus bastardus [of the kingdom Stu]
Hair Color (include adjectives): "...his hair was black..."
Eye Color (include adjectives): "...the same alluring emerald green..." [as Haku]
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None described - but his soul is oh so villainously black.
Special Possessions (if any): None that I know of.
Annoying Origin: Created by Zeniba to be a kinder, gentler Haku (like the original was a raging lunatic ), after Zeniba took over Yubaba's bathhouse. The hell? What is with Yubaba leaving the bathhouse to someone else in fanfiction?
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Haku's artificially created twin brother. No idea how the hell that works out, but it's what the All Powerful Stu Writer hath decreed.
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to warp everyone into a monstrous OOC version of themselves, violate canon, and trick Zeniba into thinking Haku is a horrible rivergod. Not only that, but though he sexually assaults Chihiro and nearly kills Haku, she's beginning to like him in that way, if you know what I mean.
Other Annoying Traits: He "reeks" arrogance and sophistication, kisses Chihiro every time he sees her, sucks up to Zeniba, and in spite of being the evil twin is focused on more than Chihiro or Haku.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
An amusingly poetic line that would sound more in place in high fantasy:
Chihiro's mother closed her eyes and replied, " Can you hear the beautiful and sweet melodious music in the background child? "
And here we go with the Meiou mess:
Meiou smirked, malice in his eyes and said in a cool tone," Haku, were you screaming?"
Glaring unpleasantly at him, Haku tried to keep his tone calm and replied, " There was a female servant, dear brother. Please stop assuming things!" Meiou looked around at the surroundings with shifty eyes. Haku knew he was looking for Chihiro and he replied in a restrained voice, "you didn't think I would drag Chihiro along with me to the bathhouse, with you waiting for a signal, would you? "
Meiou glared dagger eyes at Haku and smirked. " Why dear brother, I was not looking for that human wrench.
He was looking for the human hammer!
I was looking for the source of the problem that made the female servant scream. Why, I was wondering, surely it wouldn't be Chihiro's doing since she's - well-known in the bathhouse?"
Chihiro instantly covered her mouth as she felt the tea cart moving. She peeked through the cloth and saw a servant pushing it down the hall, towards Haku and Meiou. Pulling her head in, she hoped fervently that Haku would notice and stop the servant.
However, Meiou was the one who stopped the tea cart and paused in between the argument to check out some delicious food. He opened the cookie jar and fished out a cookie. "Mmhmm" he smacked his lips and ate the cookie. Haku was alarmed as his eyes shifted to the cart's cloth, but darted back up immediately as he saw Meiou's eyes on him. Meiou's mouth turned into a smirk. " My dearest brother" He threw the cover back on the surface, knocking over the cookie jar. " I did not think you would go through so much trouble. Just for a girl. Let alone a human."
Meiou's hand shot down and grabbed Chihiro by the hair. Yelling in pain, Chihiro was forcefully thrown over Meiou's shoulder. Haku frowned and tried to grab Chihiro, but to no avail. Meiou jumped high into the air and landed onto the brownish wall rail. Within a second, he jumped across the huge opening in the middle to the floor above them and across. Haku sprinted to the railing and looked over. "Chihiro!!!"
"Haku!!" Chihiro yelled back, helplessly tugging at Meiou's shirt to let her go. [Haku and Chihiro sound like lovers who are torn apart and yelling desperately for each other. Hmm]
Meiou continued jumping and prancing around until he reached the elevator. As they got into the elevator, he dropped Chihiro down on the floor. Chihiro was sprawled against the floor. She picked herself up and glared dagger eyes at Meiou. Meiou was shocked for a second with her cold reaction towards him, but twisted his face into a ghost of a smile and grabbed Chihiro by the waist. " You look prettier with the smile you gave to Haku." He touched her cheek tenderly, " Why do you reject me when I am like Haku?" Lowering his head, he dipped in and kissed Chihiro gently on the lips, savouring every moment, savouring her taste.
The writer does have some command of actual description, I'll give them that - albeit description used in disturbing (and unintentionally hilarious) romance novels involving vampires and young maidens who fight the vampire's advances (and then give in anyway, the wusses), amidst some notably clumsy grammar at points. What the hell am I saying: the description is cliché to the point of humor.
Add in some Michelle Branch song lyrics randomly, screw with canon without explaining other than through woefully pathetic exposition, and we've got a winner! A winner for extensive sporkage, that is.
Sporks to the ready!
Godawful Fanfic Rating: 4/6
Today I present the endless fable of Haku and his evil twin brother, Gary "Meiou" Stu. It's actually quite funny if you're taking certain prescription medicines. Please, wield your sporks at my mark.
Story Or Series Title: changes in life
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: misakililin
Summary: this story is adapted frm kohaku river anime princess-chihiro returns back to the spirit world and finds haku and his twin bro meiou
Full Name (plus titles if any): Meiou
Full Species(es): Brotherus bastardus [of the kingdom Stu]
Hair Color (include adjectives): "...his hair was black..."
Eye Color (include adjectives): "...the same alluring emerald green..." [as Haku]
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None described - but his soul is oh so villainously black.
Special Possessions (if any): None that I know of.
Annoying Origin: Created by Zeniba to be a kinder, gentler Haku (like the original was a raging lunatic ), after Zeniba took over Yubaba's bathhouse. The hell? What is with Yubaba leaving the bathhouse to someone else in fanfiction?
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Haku's artificially created twin brother. No idea how the hell that works out, but it's what the All Powerful Stu Writer hath decreed.
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to warp everyone into a monstrous OOC version of themselves, violate canon, and trick Zeniba into thinking Haku is a horrible rivergod. Not only that, but though he sexually assaults Chihiro and nearly kills Haku, she's beginning to like him in that way, if you know what I mean.
Other Annoying Traits: He "reeks" arrogance and sophistication, kisses Chihiro every time he sees her, sucks up to Zeniba, and in spite of being the evil twin is focused on more than Chihiro or Haku.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
An amusingly poetic line that would sound more in place in high fantasy:
Chihiro's mother closed her eyes and replied, " Can you hear the beautiful and sweet melodious music in the background child? "
And here we go with the Meiou mess:
Meiou smirked, malice in his eyes and said in a cool tone," Haku, were you screaming?"
Glaring unpleasantly at him, Haku tried to keep his tone calm and replied, " There was a female servant, dear brother. Please stop assuming things!" Meiou looked around at the surroundings with shifty eyes. Haku knew he was looking for Chihiro and he replied in a restrained voice, "you didn't think I would drag Chihiro along with me to the bathhouse, with you waiting for a signal, would you? "
Meiou glared dagger eyes at Haku and smirked. " Why dear brother, I was not looking for that human wrench.
He was looking for the human hammer!
I was looking for the source of the problem that made the female servant scream. Why, I was wondering, surely it wouldn't be Chihiro's doing since she's - well-known in the bathhouse?"
Chihiro instantly covered her mouth as she felt the tea cart moving. She peeked through the cloth and saw a servant pushing it down the hall, towards Haku and Meiou. Pulling her head in, she hoped fervently that Haku would notice and stop the servant.
However, Meiou was the one who stopped the tea cart and paused in between the argument to check out some delicious food. He opened the cookie jar and fished out a cookie. "Mmhmm" he smacked his lips and ate the cookie. Haku was alarmed as his eyes shifted to the cart's cloth, but darted back up immediately as he saw Meiou's eyes on him. Meiou's mouth turned into a smirk. " My dearest brother" He threw the cover back on the surface, knocking over the cookie jar. " I did not think you would go through so much trouble. Just for a girl. Let alone a human."
Meiou's hand shot down and grabbed Chihiro by the hair. Yelling in pain, Chihiro was forcefully thrown over Meiou's shoulder. Haku frowned and tried to grab Chihiro, but to no avail. Meiou jumped high into the air and landed onto the brownish wall rail. Within a second, he jumped across the huge opening in the middle to the floor above them and across. Haku sprinted to the railing and looked over. "Chihiro!!!"
"Haku!!" Chihiro yelled back, helplessly tugging at Meiou's shirt to let her go. [Haku and Chihiro sound like lovers who are torn apart and yelling desperately for each other. Hmm]
Meiou continued jumping and prancing around until he reached the elevator. As they got into the elevator, he dropped Chihiro down on the floor. Chihiro was sprawled against the floor. She picked herself up and glared dagger eyes at Meiou. Meiou was shocked for a second with her cold reaction towards him, but twisted his face into a ghost of a smile and grabbed Chihiro by the waist. " You look prettier with the smile you gave to Haku." He touched her cheek tenderly, " Why do you reject me when I am like Haku?" Lowering his head, he dipped in and kissed Chihiro gently on the lips, savouring every moment, savouring her taste.
The writer does have some command of actual description, I'll give them that - albeit description used in disturbing (and unintentionally hilarious) romance novels involving vampires and young maidens who fight the vampire's advances (and then give in anyway, the wusses), amidst some notably clumsy grammar at points. What the hell am I saying: the description is cliché to the point of humor.
Add in some Michelle Branch song lyrics randomly, screw with canon without explaining other than through woefully pathetic exposition, and we've got a winner! A winner for extensive sporkage, that is.
Sporks to the ready!
Godawful Fanfic Rating: 4/6