Save me from this FIC.
Story or Series Title: Bring Me to Life
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: SlytherinDreams
Summary: Haku questions who he is and why Chihiro means soo much to him after saving her life yet again. *Suicide,Angst*
How many clichés can you spot?
Full Name (plus titles if any): Haku
Full Species(es): Angsteh Haku (and - you guessed it - suicidal Chihiro)
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not described
Eye Color (include adjectives): "...aqua eyes..."
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Not described
Special Possessions (if any): Not described - unless you count the fact that, apparently, him and his 'dragon' self are two separate entities, which violates continuity. I'll argue this, seriously.
Annoying Origin: Haku, but with a supernatural knowledge of American rock music.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: See above, and toss a good measure of bad angst on top of it.
Annoying Special Abilities: See all the above.
Other Annoying Traits: Every line of dialogue he speaks comes from the Evanescence song of the same name. EVERY. SINGLE. LINE.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
At first glance, he saw nothing. The wind moved some leaves around in miniature twisters and aided the trees in their silent dance. Everything else seemed to be still, but then a slight movement on the bridge caught his attention.
Chihiro. If he had managed to push any of his thoughts out of his head, they were now back stronger than ever and he knew exactly what he wanted.
“Without a soul my spirit’s sleeping somewhere cold, until you find it there and lead it back home.” The words were a whisper on Haku’s lips as he watched the girl stare at the water below. Although it was impossible for her to hear him, the dragon part of him picked up every sound from below.
“Wake me up... I can’t wake up....” She whispered to herself, making it obvious to Haku that she still didn’t fully believe everything that had happened.
He wished that he could cry, but it had been too long since he had shed a tear that Haku wasn’t even sure if he remembered how.
“Wake me up inside...” He had no real way of knowing exactly what she felt, but once again, her words struck him like lightning. Call my name and save me from the dark.”
Once again the dragon inside of Haku attempted to block off all emotion. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath was all Haku could do to stay in control.
But...Haku is the dragon. Haku was the one being cold, not "the dragon inside" because holy shock, Adam West, they only happen to be the same entity.
“Before I come undone, save me from the nothing I’ve become.” He prayed to who ever cared enough to listen.
Meanwhile, Sen had started to cry for her parents like she had already done so many times before. Turning away from the river, she allowed herself to lean against the bridge’s railing as she slid to a sitting position.
Suddenly she stood back up and began to climb the rail.
“Now that I know what I’m without....” She whispered.
Haku’s eyes went wide as he saw this. The images of what she might be fixing to do flashed inside his head and with out a moment of hesitation the dragon became dominant and took to flight just as soon as Sen stepped off the bridge and began to fall.
Moving as faster than he ever had before, the white dragon blindly chassed after the girl as the force of gravity took her closer and closer to her death.
Using his tail, he grabbed hold of her legs and slung her onto his back, where she immediately grabbed hold.
In his mind, Haku somehow knew that he had done this before, but that thought left his mind all most as fast as it had entered.
Landing in the grass near the flower gardens, Haku tossed Sen to the ground and changed back into his normal form. Her eyes were wide with fright as she sat up and stared at him where he lay on his back trying to catch his breath.
Again with the trivializing of serious matters, people? Urgh.
I have a whole mess of complaints against the suicide scene, much less Haku's 'split' personas (they're the same damn person! er, god! *whaps*) and the lyrics. Good God, the lyrics in the dialogue! Throw in the fact that the author used imagery/symbolism ripped straight from the music video, and I'm annoyed.
If any of that was coherent on my part.
Godawful Fanfic Rating: 4/6
Tempted to make it 4/6 just for the lack of dialogue not ripped from Evanescence, but that would've just been mean.
[Edit: Fic is now at a GFR of 4/6 due to popular demand and further consideration.]
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: SlytherinDreams
Summary: Haku questions who he is and why Chihiro means soo much to him after saving her life yet again. *Suicide,Angst*
How many clichés can you spot?
Full Name (plus titles if any): Haku
Full Species(es): Angsteh Haku (and - you guessed it - suicidal Chihiro)
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not described
Eye Color (include adjectives): "...aqua eyes..."
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Not described
Special Possessions (if any): Not described - unless you count the fact that, apparently, him and his 'dragon' self are two separate entities, which violates continuity. I'll argue this, seriously.
Annoying Origin: Haku, but with a supernatural knowledge of American rock music.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: See above, and toss a good measure of bad angst on top of it.
Annoying Special Abilities: See all the above.
Other Annoying Traits: Every line of dialogue he speaks comes from the Evanescence song of the same name. EVERY. SINGLE. LINE.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
At first glance, he saw nothing. The wind moved some leaves around in miniature twisters and aided the trees in their silent dance. Everything else seemed to be still, but then a slight movement on the bridge caught his attention.
Chihiro. If he had managed to push any of his thoughts out of his head, they were now back stronger than ever and he knew exactly what he wanted.
“Without a soul my spirit’s sleeping somewhere cold, until you find it there and lead it back home.” The words were a whisper on Haku’s lips as he watched the girl stare at the water below. Although it was impossible for her to hear him, the dragon part of him picked up every sound from below.
“Wake me up... I can’t wake up....” She whispered to herself, making it obvious to Haku that she still didn’t fully believe everything that had happened.
He wished that he could cry, but it had been too long since he had shed a tear that Haku wasn’t even sure if he remembered how.
“Wake me up inside...” He had no real way of knowing exactly what she felt, but once again, her words struck him like lightning. Call my name and save me from the dark.”
Once again the dragon inside of Haku attempted to block off all emotion. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath was all Haku could do to stay in control.
But...Haku is the dragon. Haku was the one being cold, not "the dragon inside" because holy shock, Adam West, they only happen to be the same entity.
“Before I come undone, save me from the nothing I’ve become.” He prayed to who ever cared enough to listen.
Meanwhile, Sen had started to cry for her parents like she had already done so many times before. Turning away from the river, she allowed herself to lean against the bridge’s railing as she slid to a sitting position.
Suddenly she stood back up and began to climb the rail.
“Now that I know what I’m without....” She whispered.
Haku’s eyes went wide as he saw this. The images of what she might be fixing to do flashed inside his head and with out a moment of hesitation the dragon became dominant and took to flight just as soon as Sen stepped off the bridge and began to fall.
Moving as faster than he ever had before, the white dragon blindly chassed after the girl as the force of gravity took her closer and closer to her death.
Using his tail, he grabbed hold of her legs and slung her onto his back, where she immediately grabbed hold.
In his mind, Haku somehow knew that he had done this before, but that thought left his mind all most as fast as it had entered.
Landing in the grass near the flower gardens, Haku tossed Sen to the ground and changed back into his normal form. Her eyes were wide with fright as she sat up and stared at him where he lay on his back trying to catch his breath.
Again with the trivializing of serious matters, people? Urgh.
I have a whole mess of complaints against the suicide scene, much less Haku's 'split' personas (they're the same damn person! er, god! *whaps*) and the lyrics. Good God, the lyrics in the dialogue! Throw in the fact that the author used imagery/symbolism ripped straight from the music video, and I'm annoyed.
If any of that was coherent on my part.
Godawful Fanfic Rating: 4/6
Tempted to make it 4/6 just for the lack of dialogue not ripped from Evanescence, but that would've just been mean.
[Edit: Fic is now at a GFR of 4/6 due to popular demand and further consideration.]