My Life...God Damn It
I need a life overhaul. I'm unbelievably depressed. I manage to lift my mood for about a day sometimes, and then it sinks again.
I do need another job. Unfortunately, it needs to be one that pays at least as much as I'm getting paid now, as I can't afford anything less. I'm not sure what that'll end up meaning, though. What can I even do? It's so bad that I have no idea what I'm capable of.
I am a writer, but copywriting tires me, and I haven't the confidence for it. I don't believe I could get a job in it, though I should believe that I could.
I am an editor, though I don't know the specific things someone who studies editing in school might know-i have no idea how to index or review footnotes, or things like that. Plus, editing gets paid peanuts.
I would do office work in a nonprofit, though that would make me hardly any money.
What the hell can I do? I wish there were people who could help with this sort of thing. There have to be. I don't even know the kinds of jobs that are out there or how to find them. I'm afraid of trying, of rummaging around and assessing my strengths and weaknesses.
However, I thought I was too crappy at what I do now to get a job in it, but look at me go.
I need to make new friends, too. I need to make friends who are like-minded, which means I need to join some sort of social organization. I've been looking at non-profits to volunteer for-in animal welfare, domestic violence, rape crisis, and the environment-and it's surprisingly hard to find those that are looking for volunteers. I'm considering involving myself in a Jewish organization, though I'm concerned I'd be throwing myself into a religious circle. I did enjoy the Jewish organizations in college, though. Maybe there's something in New York that would be similar.
This sore on my neck, which Poppy gave me the curaderm for, has turned into an oozing circle of nastiness. I'm wondering if it is skin cancer, as he suspected. The curaderm will kill it, but I look disgusting with the medical tape on my neck, with puss soaked through it in a circle. Oh well. Better not to have cancer. Ugh.
I also have three blemishes that are all nearly dried up but still very red. I hope I don't scare Becca when we skype tonight. She tends to be forgiving in that capacity, though, like all of my friends.
ARGH. Fuck my life, though. I just want to feel normal.
I've also gained some ridiculous weight recently. I figure it's because I've been eating so much. Thus, I will stop eating breakfast, and I'll scale back work food to include only vegetables-no more nuts; my dinner will just be some vegetables or a small bit of meat and some vegetables. I need to get my nutrients in, while eating the minimum. I want SOMETHING to go right with me.
Trying not to miss John. I keep asking Pop and Josh if I can be friends with him. No, they say, even though Pop chats with John once in awhile.
I just want someone to hold me. So badly. I'm having such a rough time, and I'm starved for acceptance and affection.
I do need another job. Unfortunately, it needs to be one that pays at least as much as I'm getting paid now, as I can't afford anything less. I'm not sure what that'll end up meaning, though. What can I even do? It's so bad that I have no idea what I'm capable of.
I am a writer, but copywriting tires me, and I haven't the confidence for it. I don't believe I could get a job in it, though I should believe that I could.
I am an editor, though I don't know the specific things someone who studies editing in school might know-i have no idea how to index or review footnotes, or things like that. Plus, editing gets paid peanuts.
I would do office work in a nonprofit, though that would make me hardly any money.
What the hell can I do? I wish there were people who could help with this sort of thing. There have to be. I don't even know the kinds of jobs that are out there or how to find them. I'm afraid of trying, of rummaging around and assessing my strengths and weaknesses.
However, I thought I was too crappy at what I do now to get a job in it, but look at me go.
I need to make new friends, too. I need to make friends who are like-minded, which means I need to join some sort of social organization. I've been looking at non-profits to volunteer for-in animal welfare, domestic violence, rape crisis, and the environment-and it's surprisingly hard to find those that are looking for volunteers. I'm considering involving myself in a Jewish organization, though I'm concerned I'd be throwing myself into a religious circle. I did enjoy the Jewish organizations in college, though. Maybe there's something in New York that would be similar.
This sore on my neck, which Poppy gave me the curaderm for, has turned into an oozing circle of nastiness. I'm wondering if it is skin cancer, as he suspected. The curaderm will kill it, but I look disgusting with the medical tape on my neck, with puss soaked through it in a circle. Oh well. Better not to have cancer. Ugh.
I also have three blemishes that are all nearly dried up but still very red. I hope I don't scare Becca when we skype tonight. She tends to be forgiving in that capacity, though, like all of my friends.
ARGH. Fuck my life, though. I just want to feel normal.
I've also gained some ridiculous weight recently. I figure it's because I've been eating so much. Thus, I will stop eating breakfast, and I'll scale back work food to include only vegetables-no more nuts; my dinner will just be some vegetables or a small bit of meat and some vegetables. I need to get my nutrients in, while eating the minimum. I want SOMETHING to go right with me.
Trying not to miss John. I keep asking Pop and Josh if I can be friends with him. No, they say, even though Pop chats with John once in awhile.
I just want someone to hold me. So badly. I'm having such a rough time, and I'm starved for acceptance and affection.