Sad, Sad Body
I went shopping after work yesterday. It made me so depressed: The sizes that generally fit didn't fit. I've been having trouble with my own clothes, lately, and I don't know what the hell is going on. Not only that, but half the dresses I tried on were way too long, even. And all the shoes I put on looked HUGE.
This is what I ate yesterday, and it's representative of what I usually eat in a day:
6 oz almonds
1 string cheese
2 cups coffee with cream
Sautéed broccoli with roasted red pepper.
That's it. How the hell am I gaining so much weight like this. I'm so depressed. I don't know what else to do. I'm not hormonal. I'm not pregnant. It's all in the hips and ass, too. My stomach is flat still.
John thinks it's stress. I cried to him in the middle of the night that my body is all out of proportion. A funny thing to cry. Maybe he's right and it is stress. I can't fit into any of the pants I fit into five months ago, when he arrived. Or is this just my body telling me what I actually look like sans adderall? I've been craving adderall recently because of the weight issue, but I've stayed strong. Who knows how much damage I've done to myself with our sleepless adderall binges; it haunts me. I don't want to sacrifice my health for thinness. I just feel less and less like myself every day.
I just want to run away.
This is what I ate yesterday, and it's representative of what I usually eat in a day:
6 oz almonds
1 string cheese
2 cups coffee with cream
Sautéed broccoli with roasted red pepper.
That's it. How the hell am I gaining so much weight like this. I'm so depressed. I don't know what else to do. I'm not hormonal. I'm not pregnant. It's all in the hips and ass, too. My stomach is flat still.
John thinks it's stress. I cried to him in the middle of the night that my body is all out of proportion. A funny thing to cry. Maybe he's right and it is stress. I can't fit into any of the pants I fit into five months ago, when he arrived. Or is this just my body telling me what I actually look like sans adderall? I've been craving adderall recently because of the weight issue, but I've stayed strong. Who knows how much damage I've done to myself with our sleepless adderall binges; it haunts me. I don't want to sacrifice my health for thinness. I just feel less and less like myself every day.
I just want to run away.