This Love is a Pity
John and I are just trying so hard! We don't know what to do. When we are just normal around one another, it seems to work fine. I just have such a heavy heart all the time. We've even gotten to the point where we're making jokes about it because it just feels like an impossible situation. There's no wrongfulness being done here. No yelling or cruelty. We both respect the other person. We love one another. We have great sex. I love his face and his hands and his body; he thinks I'm beautiful. I miss him when we're at work, and I value his opinion on matters. (I don't know if he values mine...there's one thing. I think he does; I think I just exert it too passionately for him sometimes.) He thinks I'm intelligent and talented; I think he's very intelligent, and I appreciate his different mode of thinking than my own. He makes me laugh; I make him laugh. We do really well together when faced with adversity. We're both committed to self-improvement. We're both thoughtful.
We just operate in very different ways. Extremely different. My values come before everything else; his pragmatism generally wins out.
I just want it to work so much. We both do. And I don't know, after talking over our therapist with him post-session, last night, if she's going to help us. She keeps going over things we've discussed and analyzed to death. I could feel him getting annoyed in the session. I was more patient, but I understand. It's frustrating. We don't yell at one another or do anything like that. We're not violent. We don't like to see the other person sad, and we don't stay sad to spite the other person.
He's pretty much a great guy. I just don't understand. I feel stunted, but is it because of him? Maybe it's just me, and I don't know how to get over this stuff. I know I have so much stuff from the past just hanging above us. I have major trust issues that I haven't gotten over, and I'm too exhausted to delve into them again.
It's just hard because we're so in that joie de vivre feeling when we haven't seen each other in such a long time. The past disappears, and I feel lighthearted. But I don't know if that will ever come back when we're together. We're so stuck and exhausted. And we don't even hide it anymore: we just keep asking each other, "Why?"
We just operate in very different ways. Extremely different. My values come before everything else; his pragmatism generally wins out.
I just want it to work so much. We both do. And I don't know, after talking over our therapist with him post-session, last night, if she's going to help us. She keeps going over things we've discussed and analyzed to death. I could feel him getting annoyed in the session. I was more patient, but I understand. It's frustrating. We don't yell at one another or do anything like that. We're not violent. We don't like to see the other person sad, and we don't stay sad to spite the other person.
He's pretty much a great guy. I just don't understand. I feel stunted, but is it because of him? Maybe it's just me, and I don't know how to get over this stuff. I know I have so much stuff from the past just hanging above us. I have major trust issues that I haven't gotten over, and I'm too exhausted to delve into them again.
It's just hard because we're so in that joie de vivre feeling when we haven't seen each other in such a long time. The past disappears, and I feel lighthearted. But I don't know if that will ever come back when we're together. We're so stuck and exhausted. And we don't even hide it anymore: we just keep asking each other, "Why?"