I miss the past, but I'm missing the present
The fact of the matter is that I did not do this to us. None of this is my fault. He's been (first time I don't know an English word more suitable mobile ver since I met him. I was looking at old pictures of him with Hannah last night and getting very nostalgic. Half of those pictures were taken at times when he was downrigh mean to me. He's been a child all along. Talking to him again means that I have to live in these memories. I already live in them, but I'm constantly seesawing right now between yes, I want to be with him an no, look at all the evidence that he will NEVER CHANGE I don't take myself for an idiot, but he makes one of me over and over and over again.
He's too childish, fucked up, and selfish for me to ever be with and be happy. It's fun when I feel like a child or when I want to lose myself in some form of irresponsible escapism. I'm looking for a man who can be strong, confident, level-headed, and sensitive. I want a good man who doesn't fluctuate on his morals-morals that we agree on. I want someone who sees the beauty in life but doesn't disregard that the darker side exists.
How many times must we go through this again and again? Rather, how many times must I? At least they're becoming shorter stints. A week and a half is better than half last summer and three weeks when he was here. Maybe next time I'll just dismiss him.
I'm sick of looking for someone to be with. I'm exhausted. If there isn't someone, there isn't someone. I'll be alone, I guess. I don't need to be in a relationship. I can spend all my love on myself, weird as that sounds.
I'm not even depressed over him right now. I guess I'm just depressed over another possibility ending in this world that felt so open at several points. Damn my beautiful pictures with and of him. He was fucking gorgeous.
I miss the past, but I'm missing the present. Wow does that sound ridiculous and pretentious. I'm going to make that my subject.
He's too childish, fucked up, and selfish for me to ever be with and be happy. It's fun when I feel like a child or when I want to lose myself in some form of irresponsible escapism. I'm looking for a man who can be strong, confident, level-headed, and sensitive. I want a good man who doesn't fluctuate on his morals-morals that we agree on. I want someone who sees the beauty in life but doesn't disregard that the darker side exists.
How many times must we go through this again and again? Rather, how many times must I? At least they're becoming shorter stints. A week and a half is better than half last summer and three weeks when he was here. Maybe next time I'll just dismiss him.
I'm sick of looking for someone to be with. I'm exhausted. If there isn't someone, there isn't someone. I'll be alone, I guess. I don't need to be in a relationship. I can spend all my love on myself, weird as that sounds.
I'm not even depressed over him right now. I guess I'm just depressed over another possibility ending in this world that felt so open at several points. Damn my beautiful pictures with and of him. He was fucking gorgeous.
I miss the past, but I'm missing the present. Wow does that sound ridiculous and pretentious. I'm going to make that my subject.