Forgiveness???
I have been told I need to forgive you. I don’t know if I am very good at forgiveness. I thought it was a big enough achievement that I stopped berating you constantly for your mistakes.
I know that I have been hard on myself but I have been hard on the rest of the world too. I think it is only fair that if I have learnt to be more accepting and forgiving of the world the way it is I can be more accepting and forgiving of myself.
Self I forgive you for not being perfect. I forgive you for wasting time, and being frightened. I forgive you for loosing your temper and not being compassionate. I forgive you for hurting yourself, for hurting those that love you, and for not being able to love everyone. I forgive you for being closed off. I forgive you for being too open. I forgive you for loving people who haven’t loved you back. I forgive you for eating, and not eating. I forgive you for being bitchy angry and frustrated. I forgive you for wanting more. I forgive you for wanting meaning. I forgive you for not having the answers. I forgive you for not being able to help everyone. I am really sorry I can’t help everyone. I forgive you for being happy. I forgive you for being depressed. I forgive you for existing.
I love you. You do okay. You strive to be your best. You accept you can not be perfect. You love a great deal and you give a great deal. You don’t have to give everything. You can give yourself some success too. You can mother yourself too. You are strong and you don’t need to hold on to being everything for everyone. You also do not need to do the opposite and alienate everyone. You have learnt the difference between extremes. You have experienced extremes because that was the best that you could have done at the time. You have knowledge and you can get better at the things that are important to you with time and lots of practice.
Most of all I forgive myself for loosing my sense of self. It has taken me a long time to find you again. I think I can show you love and forgive you for hiding from the world.
Love,
Caroline