Intellectual Intimacy
I went to a romantic comedy today. Ooooh the shame. I don't know why I do this to myself. I spend an hour and a half rolling my eyes and laughing at the wrong bits. However, this on got me thinking about one of my friends who eats this sort of shit up. I drive this friend completely insane. I am perpetually telling my version of the truth which she doesn't really want to hear.She is presently in a less than ideal situation, with a man who is in a long term relationship. She continually makes excuses for him about why he has stayed in this relationship yet continued to be intimate with her.
I comprehend the need for affection, I comprehend physical need, but somewhere in there I don't think she is respecting herself. I don't think this is uncommon. I just don't see how she can believe that she would ever be able to trust this man. I also don't see how she can think this is alright. I know it might satisfy the short term gratification of affection and sex but surely she doesn't believe this man respects her. Surely she can't see herself as an equal in this "relationship". I don't think equality in a relationship is an unreasonable thing to aspire toward. I don't think that even sadomasochistic couples are really ever satisfied in an imbalance of power.
So who would be my equal?
I think that is why I have only liked a handful of guys. I haven't met that many suitable men who have been my intellectual equal or superior. I know that there are many. I am not arrogant in that sense. It has been a major life achievement that I can function and often enjoy functioning on a superficial level. I have been craving something recently and I hadn't been able to pick it. I have really missed my friend Daisy. It was really great seeing Dani and Mik, simply because they spoke up to me. They brought new thoughts and ideas and intellectual arguments to the table. I miss that and I think I would need that in a relationship at least to some extent. I love having fun and being silly. It is important for me not to spend too much time in my head which is why the eng boys are fabulous. I can look and be part of the concrete world while still challenging my brain. But the world of ideas will always be important to me. If I don't take the time to nurture my thoughts I know that I will be feeling this void . It is a very time consuming hole to fill. I need some ideas on how I can stimulate that part of me while trying to be successful at uni. I know normal people go to uni to fill that hole. But how can I fill the hole without burying myself in it. I think doing an arts degree would kill me with over thinking. Perhaps I should try to make this a bit more high brow. I have notice myself being a bit mundane of late.
I comprehend the need for affection, I comprehend physical need, but somewhere in there I don't think she is respecting herself. I don't think this is uncommon. I just don't see how she can believe that she would ever be able to trust this man. I also don't see how she can think this is alright. I know it might satisfy the short term gratification of affection and sex but surely she doesn't believe this man respects her. Surely she can't see herself as an equal in this "relationship". I don't think equality in a relationship is an unreasonable thing to aspire toward. I don't think that even sadomasochistic couples are really ever satisfied in an imbalance of power.
So who would be my equal?
I think that is why I have only liked a handful of guys. I haven't met that many suitable men who have been my intellectual equal or superior. I know that there are many. I am not arrogant in that sense. It has been a major life achievement that I can function and often enjoy functioning on a superficial level. I have been craving something recently and I hadn't been able to pick it. I have really missed my friend Daisy. It was really great seeing Dani and Mik, simply because they spoke up to me. They brought new thoughts and ideas and intellectual arguments to the table. I miss that and I think I would need that in a relationship at least to some extent. I love having fun and being silly. It is important for me not to spend too much time in my head which is why the eng boys are fabulous. I can look and be part of the concrete world while still challenging my brain. But the world of ideas will always be important to me. If I don't take the time to nurture my thoughts I know that I will be feeling this void . It is a very time consuming hole to fill. I need some ideas on how I can stimulate that part of me while trying to be successful at uni. I know normal people go to uni to fill that hole. But how can I fill the hole without burying myself in it. I think doing an arts degree would kill me with over thinking. Perhaps I should try to make this a bit more high brow. I have notice myself being a bit mundane of late.