Too much caffeine at work.
I am upset again. Tell me something new. I am not sure why. I think perhaps it's my predictable way of letting myself feel hurt. I wonder if my actions have had unpredicted results. I suppose it shouldn't be surprising that Eba has vilified me. I shouldn't have contacted her anyway. I was drunk on Friday night. Why can't I get drunk with out texting someone I shouldn't? Anyway she texted me on Saturday night and I rang her. It was very awkward. I am sick of having very uncomfortable conversations with people I love. I wonder what I have done in her mind. I suppose it was going to be awkward after our last tearful conversation. I also know how Eba has been making anyone who doesn't agree with her the baddy. Oh well it is totally out of my control.
Similarly, Pia isn't re-adjusting to civilisation very well. I can relate but she seems to be lashing out at my brother and over really stupid things. Maybe I am being unreasonable. It is likely that the evidence is showing that this year several important people in my life have walked away. Maybe that is something I should be taking on board. Something that I am doing to push people away, or hurt them maybe too much "honesty". Perhaps I should just call a complete lack of tack. I do feel bad about certain situations but unfortunately there is nothing I can do to change the past. I just will have to do better next time. If I get a chance at a next time. I am in a real funk. All I want to do is apologise. This really blows. I feel so disconnected at the moment. I really shouldn't. I want to tell myself to just snap out of it.
Similarly, Pia isn't re-adjusting to civilisation very well. I can relate but she seems to be lashing out at my brother and over really stupid things. Maybe I am being unreasonable. It is likely that the evidence is showing that this year several important people in my life have walked away. Maybe that is something I should be taking on board. Something that I am doing to push people away, or hurt them maybe too much "honesty". Perhaps I should just call a complete lack of tack. I do feel bad about certain situations but unfortunately there is nothing I can do to change the past. I just will have to do better next time. If I get a chance at a next time. I am in a real funk. All I want to do is apologise. This really blows. I feel so disconnected at the moment. I really shouldn't. I want to tell myself to just snap out of it.