My mind has been saddled with an assortment of thoughts lately. Cambridge bears the brunt of my dissatisfaction. It is not the university, however; it is the place, its smallness, its sameness, the mundane repetition of most of my days. Things become familiar and I start to take them for granted, fashioning them as a leash around my neck, a pair of ( Read more... )

I miss Bruno.

Jay and I are so dedicated to tennis that we played early this morning (at 9am) in a the lightly-falling snow; and we didn't get off the court until a little after 11am ( Read more... )

Do I miss the person, or do I miss the thing? Do I miss him when I find myself unable to focus on writing the PhD because thoughts of him float treacherously into my mind, or do I miss what he represented? Or are the two not mutually exclusive? Maybe I miss him as a person, as well as what he represented: the boyfriend figure. Maybe I miss ( Read more... )

Reading - skimming, to be precise - entries about G brought back memories about how amazing and shitty this person made me feel. My lackadaisical attempts to prevent this person from trampling all over my pride were simultaneously pathetic and valiant; pathetic because I didn't even really try, and valiant because I couldn't have really tried even ( Read more... )

I did not have a productive afternoon. The goal was to finish the first draft of Chapter 2. The goal failed. For some inexplicable reason, I found myself feeling really sleepy at 4.30pm and gave up on work at 5.30pm. I wrote a shit paragraph about Aristotle's human good based on a Stanford Encyclopaedia of Philosophy (or something like that) entry ( Read more... )

I have always known that there is a very good reason why I have a soft spot for Matt, and today he reinforced it. In a bid to do something nice for myself after the shitty and upsetting weekend I had, I decided to go to Fitzbillies after French class to do one of my favourite things in the world: read a book in a cafe with good coffee. I didn't ( Read more... )

The biggest takeaway from this episode with Bruno is probably this: I have to trust my intuition. Conversely, it's this: my feelings cannot be trusted. When the two come into conflict, it is my intuition in which I should place my trust. This truth is even clearer in the aftermath of him than it was in the aftermath of G; perhaps it is due to the ( Read more... )

Just in case last night's rambling was unclear, the only point that I was making was that Bruno has been the only person - literally the only person - who has made me reconsider my stance on not wanting religion in my life. I was already familiar with all the counter arguments to my apparently staunchly held beliefs: no practical consequence; even ( Read more... )

The ironic thing about the conversation that just took place in my room is that, for the first time in my adult dating life, I was genuinely ready to give up my checklist. Of course, we've been here before: I meet someone new, I fall for him, I am swept away by the tidal waves of the excitement of a new romance, and even as I am staring at all the ( Read more... )