Happy, Sad, or Blah for the Holidays?

[anns_lace]

We're well into December, which means the winter holidays are here. Some may have a religious tone, while others are pure merriment. Businesses often have a year end party or dinner, as do many civic clubs and hobby-related groups. And then there's actual friends and relatives. Christmas music bombards us almost anyplace we go, and stores are in

Comments

[markmc03]

It's difficult for me to comment on this because I feel that my depression has deepened, though for health reasons and not for seasonal ones

[anns_lace]

I'm sorry to hear that your depression has worsened, Mark. Is there some therapy you could take (not necessarily medical, but perhaps a talk group or something)? Do you still take any joy in the holiday pageantry, lights, and music, even if in a different way from how you did before?

You sound like a natural giver, someone who takes pleasure and feels self-worth when he or she is giving to others. But please remember than YOU are worthy of receiving gifts, too. And that you are perfect just as you are, not because of something you gave away.

[travelertrish]

I usually go into a kind of paralysis-- unable to buy gifts, unable to write cards, just sort of frozen. Then at some point everything unthaws and I can breathe. Not exactly a depression, but certainly not a real pleasure. I would drop the presents, too, I think. Or, actually, I think I'd drop all the feasting. Keep the gifts that we give now, which is not very many.

[anns_lace]

Why do you think you freeze up? What causes the road block to go up in your mind, and what does the blockage consist of? Fear of not doing the holidays well enough (getting the wrong presents, not entertaining well enough, etc)? Re-enacting something negative from your early years? What do you think?

I wouldn't want to drop ALL the feasting, although I wouldn't mind cutting back. A few truly great meals with friends and family would be fine. All the high-calorie snacks (which of course I love and EAT) could be eliminated.

I could do the whole holiday season without presents at all. I much prefer Thanksgiving -- all food, no gifts. Sending a card with a nice thought is sufficient to tell someone you love them. They don't need a new sweater too.

[asakiyume]

I tend to feel rather panicky about whether I'll be able to discharge my familial responsibilities--I'm always afraid that I won't manage to find presents for everyone and send them off in time (natal family) or will somehow not have enough gifts for kids to make them feel a sense of bounty. (We never get expensive gifts, just little things, but that being the case, I want there to be more than just one little thing per child...) We're very slow with other things, too: in my own childhood, my parents generally didn't get a Christmas tree until very close to Christmas Eve, so that's been my habit, too--but that means that some years I've been worried that I won't manage to get one. And when I was a child, my mother always made tons of Christmas cookies, in particular one beautiful painted kind--when my kids were little, I tried always to make those cookies, but these recent years sometimes it's turned into New Year's cookies rather than Christmas cookies

[anns_lace]

Did you have a time of scarcity in your childhood? Why do you think you feel anxious about being able to let others feel a sense of bounty? Why do you think you took on this role for yourself? Do you connect some of your self-worth with being a provider? (Many of us do, of course.)

It sounds like you Christmas rituals include NOT stating early, but doing things right at (or even slightly after) the holiday itself. Maybe if you told yourself that it's not essential that you do any of it at all, it's all optional, and the timing is completely up to you -- you'd feel better about it and worry less?

[asakiyume]

I never did in my childhood, and really, my children never did either, though there were times when we were sort of teetering near that. I think what it is is, we live a more modest life than my parents did (not that my parents were big spenders, they were just *more* comfortably off than we are), and I'm just aware of not providing my children with the same sort of experience I had. And part of that is voluntary and I'm all right with it: there's no need for masses of *stuff* and big expense (again, not that my parents went in for masses of stuff either; it's just that ... oh, I don't know, I guess I had a sense of bounty when I was a child, and I want that to be the case for my children. Except, too, my children are not even really children anymore (the youngest is 15), so really I should just chill out a bit