Happy, Sad, or Blah for the Holidays?

[anns_lace]

We're well into December, which means the winter holidays are here. Some may have a religious tone, while others are pure merriment. Businesses often have a year end party or dinner, as do many civic clubs and hobby-related groups. And then there's actual friends and relatives. Christmas music bombards us almost anyplace we go, and stores are in

Comments

[markmc03]

It's difficult for me to comment on this because I feel that my depression has deepened, though for health reasons and not for seasonal ones.

I loved Christmas as a kid because my parents spoiled me rotten with gifts. My older brothers counted everything under the tree and complained bitterly over the disparity in numbers of gifts for them as opposed to me. They neglected to consider the fact that cheap toys were what made me happiest while they being older required more expensive and practical items. Still, this perceived injustice deepened their hatred for me at the time.

I used to love the pageantry, the music, the lights. I enjoyed singing the christmas carols, both for my family and in a few public venues now and then.

When I still ran my law practise, I purchased a rather expensive full Santa suit since I usually played Santa at my family Christmas celebrations on Christmas Eve. And there were a few years when I played Santa at a big charity event for the S.O.S. Children's Village.

When I was still with my ex-gf/ex-wife, I would literally shower her with presents. Giving had become my greater joy, to find the right present to light the eyes of the recipient.

I don't have the money to spend on gifts for anyone these days and I don't like receiving gifts when I am unable to reciprocate. Living downtown, there are few christmas lights on display outside of the retail venues. And I am leery of going out to attend concerts or to travel anywhere for any purpose. I understand I am welcome once again at my older brother's Christmas celebration after several years of discord. I accepted his invitation because I am wanting to let bygones be bygones.

In short, I am neutral.

[anns_lace]

I'm sorry to hear that your depression has worsened, Mark. Is there some therapy you could take (not necessarily medical, but perhaps a talk group or something)? Do you still take any joy in the holiday pageantry, lights, and music, even if in a different way from how you did before?

You sound like a natural giver, someone who takes pleasure and feels self-worth when he or she is giving to others. But please remember than YOU are worthy of receiving gifts, too. And that you are perfect just as you are, not because of something you gave away.