Happy, Sad, or Blah for the Holidays?

[anns_lace]

We're well into December, which means the winter holidays are here. Some may have a religious tone, while others are pure merriment. Businesses often have a year end party or dinner, as do many civic clubs and hobby-related groups. And then there's actual friends and relatives. Christmas music bombards us almost anyplace we go, and stores are in

Comments

[asakiyume]

I tend to feel rather panicky about whether I'll be able to discharge my familial responsibilities--I'm always afraid that I won't manage to find presents for everyone and send them off in time (natal family) or will somehow not have enough gifts for kids to make them feel a sense of bounty. (We never get expensive gifts, just little things, but that being the case, I want there to be more than just one little thing per child...) We're very slow with other things, too: in my own childhood, my parents generally didn't get a Christmas tree until very close to Christmas Eve, so that's been my habit, too--but that means that some years I've been worried that I won't manage to get one. And when I was a child, my mother always made tons of Christmas cookies, in particular one beautiful painted kind--when my kids were little, I tried always to make those cookies, but these recent years sometimes it's turned into New Year's cookies rather than Christmas cookies.

.... You'd think I could just get started on stuff earlier or something, but somehow I never manage it. I don't mind our Christmas being low-key and small (I prefer it that way, in fact) so long as my children feel like they've had a satisfying Christmas experience. I **think** they mainly do, so long as we do some of the things we've always done--some of the cookie making, having an advent wreath and candles, that kind of thing. All but one of them are on the cusp of adulthood now, but it's still something I worry about. I do wish I had my act together more.

[anns_lace]

Did you have a time of scarcity in your childhood? Why do you think you feel anxious about being able to let others feel a sense of bounty? Why do you think you took on this role for yourself? Do you connect some of your self-worth with being a provider? (Many of us do, of course.)

It sounds like you Christmas rituals include NOT stating early, but doing things right at (or even slightly after) the holiday itself. Maybe if you told yourself that it's not essential that you do any of it at all, it's all optional, and the timing is completely up to you -- you'd feel better about it and worry less?

[asakiyume]

I never did in my childhood, and really, my children never did either, though there were times when we were sort of teetering near that. I think what it is is, we live a more modest life than my parents did (not that my parents were big spenders, they were just *more* comfortably off than we are), and I'm just aware of not providing my children with the same sort of experience I had. And part of that is voluntary and I'm all right with it: there's no need for masses of *stuff* and big expense (again, not that my parents went in for masses of stuff either; it's just that ... oh, I don't know, I guess I had a sense of bounty when I was a child, and I want that to be the case for my children. Except, too, my children are not even really children anymore (the youngest is 15), so really I should just chill out a bit.

And yes, I think you're right about telling myself not to worry too much about time. With my own family, I know (somewhere in my mind) that if I smile and show them the pleasure of things as they happen, then they'll be happy too. I do worry a bit, though, about disappointing, say, my siblings. ... But yeah, mainly I can get over it.

Sorry for the long reply! I'll be back later in the day to reply to your today's entry.