albino!Stu lives in the forest and eats little animals raw...
In case everyone is having too nice of a time reading good fics, I bring you albino!Stu!
Title: the albinio animorph (sic)
Author: Athena's Wiccan Gardian (sic)
Name: Not given, although a reviewer suggested "Edgar"
Species: Ketran/something
Hair: White. "Whiter than a piece of notebook paper". Also, "pail". Got it yet? Ya got it?
Eyes: pink, one would imagine, although it isn't specified
Canon Connections: is the "elimists" son; knows about the Yeerks, and who Cassie is
Special Abilities: +8 wilderness survival; can hear all thought-speech (WHY must every Sue/Stu be a Leeran-wannabe?); is fast enough to attack and seriously wound Ax several times
Origin: I quote: "I thought I had no parents I grew up in an orphanage tell I was 12, then I ran off...I'd been living on the streets for a few years when I decided to go to the woods. It was hard there, but life was better than in the cities, I lived in a cave and used pit traps, spears, and other traps to catch dinner. Sometimes I cooked it, but sometimes I couldn't."
Excerpts:
Back before. Before I ever saw the alien walking through the woods, I was a normal kid.
Oh, hell, no, I wasn't, I'm white. Momentarily forgetting the title, I laughed myself silly over this line. "OMG! Im liek so normal!1!" Whiter than a piece of notebook paper. In fact, the only part of me that isn't white is the irises of my eyes.
Weird, huh? Well, I'm an albino. And my life was sort of screwed up. I have no... Wait, I thought I had no parents. I grew up in an orphanage tell until I was 12, then I ran off. Yay, a comma!
Anyway, on with the story. I'd been living on the streets for a few years when I decided to go to the woods. It was hard there, but life was better than in the cities. I lived in a cave and used pit traps, spears, and other traps to catch dinner. Sometimes I cooked it, but sometimes I couldn't. Weird tenses. Anyway, pretend there's a paragraph break here. One day, just after the sun had set, I was out of my usual hunting grounds looking for food; I hadn't eaten in close to two days. I was sitting in a thicket in the middle of a meadow, with a handmaid The concept of a "handmaid" anything is interesting. Does it listen to weepy cold-footing? Will it assure you that he hasn't run out on you? Does it bitch out your bridesmaids for not wearing their corsages on the right wrist? bow and arrow read reed, or shaft to hit anything that moved. I saw in the shadows some movement, about the size of a deer Movement the size of a deer, huh? I wish I could estimate the sizes of movements.. I sat silently, waiting for it to come closer.
The thump of hooves told me it was in range. I rose like a spring and fired before the creature knew I was there' and had already loaded a second by the time the first hit. Dearie, I don't hunt bow-and-arrow and I still know that arrows aren't "loaded". One draws them, or, if simply preparing to draw, notches. Please read almost anything in the fantasy genre.
{Aaaaghhhhhhh!}
A scream in my head. The thing, obviously not a deer now, charged at me,. I loosed my second arrow into it right were a man's heart would be, then, not risking to? press the attack on this unfamiliar creature, ran as fast as I could across the open space to the trees.
[Animorphs come to Stu's cave; a mangled dialogue sequence ensues]
I stood and walked to the cave entrance.
{Okay, Rachel, Cassie you go-}
"What do you want?" I asked, going out the entrance, spear held point out. No! Is that how you're supposed to hold those things? To my surprise, I saw several birds, a human, and the creature I had seen earlier. I recognized the girl despite the darkness.
"Nice to see you again, Cassie," I said to the girl.
{Tobias, can you get his fa-} I really can't figure out what that last word was supposed to be. Father? Fucking something? Face?
"He might be able to, but this spear would kill one of you first," I answered for him. Note: that sentence makes a lot more sense if you caught the bit about everyone being in bird morph. Also, answering for people isn't polite, Stu.
{Ax, do it.}
It was a guess, but a good one,. I lunged, low to the ground, at the Andalite, How does he know Ax is an Andalite? as it's tail swept over-head. I rolled once and brought the spear point up and thrust it into the bassbase of it's tail. Agh! Bad touching! BAD! TOUCHING!
{AAAAAAGHHHHHH!!11!} Ax agrees.
"Who and WHAT ARE YOU!?! And why are you bothering me" I asked. "Stab first, ask questions later", much?
{Cassie, Ax, hold on, we'll demorph, then morph wolf and come back.}
'' I can hear you, yah know?'' "'Cause I'm a Stu! And we can aaalll hear you!"
{That is not a possibility, Prince Jake. but I must morph. I am losing much blood and you have used most of your time in morph.}
"If you're talking, you must be human" I said. Remember what I said about fantasy novels? You're in serious need of an imagination, kid. " Tell me what is going on and I will let this thing live." Hey, that "thing" is Ax! Be nice or he'll THWAP! your head off!
{We are in no position to bargain.} Why in the world not? Between the five of them, they could certainly have saved Ax from one kid with a pointy stick, and it's not like anyone would believe this lunatic, even if he made it back to society to tell.
They told me that I was a stupid Stu.
a/n should i go on NO!
N/A here it goes I think it's hilarious that she (?) uses "N/A" for "author's note" in this section. Freudian slip, maybe?
"Yeerks, huh?" I asked "I always wondered what they were called."
"You knew of the Yeerks?" Jake asked, now in human form.
"Not really. I do know a lot of people that who are obviously Controllers, though, and I think a know of a couple entrances to the pool thing."
"Even if you do, we can't trust you. You may be one of them," Rachel sneered. "You only have a few more minutes to live, then you die." WTF?! I want to kill him, too, but remember the whole three-day-feeding-cycle thing, folks? Violence is not always the answer.
" HA! If I were a Yeerk, I would have come out here with a lot more than a sharp stick and your friend would be dead." *dies and is dead*
They were silent for a moment, surprised that the Stu had managed to use "were" instead of "was", given all of his other grammatical mistakes.
{How can you hear our thought-speech?} the Andalite asked.
"Like I know?"
"Well-"
*STOP* Paragraph break, It was the loudest voice I had ever heard! It made my head want to explode! We could only wish... God, I think I actually screamed when it spoke. The sound was mind boggling. It came from every where and nowhere at once! Good speaker-system, huh?
As my head spun, No comment. Jake answered the horribly-loud-voice-that-wasn't-a-voice-and-had-no-body. Dear Author: "Show, don't tell." "What do you want, Ellimist? We’re kind of busy." "You know, because killing a guy who stabbed my Axikins Ax rates way higher on my To Do list than chatting with a near-omnipotent being."...and did I just 'ship Jake/Ax? Wow.
A creature appeared out of thin air. For an instant, I thought it was human, but I realized it wasn't, mainly because it glowed blue. NO imagination whatsoever in this kid. None at all.
"I will not allow this to happen! My son will not be in this fight for any resin reason!"
POP!
A weird creature appeared that looked sort of like a dinosaur. Short tail. Flimsy arms and wide-set eyes. But mostly I ignored him. I was still stuck in on what had been said only a moment ago. That glowing blue thing is was. Stick to the right tense, please. my father!?!
"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?! YOUR SON!?!" the Andalite, 5 five humans, and the dino-looking thing cried.
What Jake had called the Ellimist appeared to be at a loss for words. "Well... um a yah he’s um I guess you’d say he’s uh my child.” I have no words. "Um a yah um uh"? And contractions? Where is Toomin?
{Interesting} Ax commented. Yeah, that about sums it up.
"Eeewwwww," from Marco.
“Hahaha,” from the dino-thing, which was now rolling around on the ground laughing.
(N/A the dino thing is the drode incase you don't know) Dude, you have just elevated the advice, "show, don't tell" to new heights of necessity.
"That’s sick!"
"How is that possible?"
"Who is the mom?"
“That dose does not matter," the” Ellimist continued. “I will not allow this to happen. My son will not join you!”
I didn't hear the last part; I was on the ground in a dead faint. I wish I could say the same.
N/A interesting don't you think? Next chapter will be in about a week. I cannot tell you how glad I am that she didn't keep this promise.
Oh, and a bonus fic for y'all. More a parody than a real Sue, it's funny rather than horrifying.
Title: the albinio animorph (sic)
Author: Athena's Wiccan Gardian (sic)
Name: Not given, although a reviewer suggested "Edgar"
Species: Ketran/something
Hair: White. "Whiter than a piece of notebook paper". Also, "pail". Got it yet? Ya got it?
Eyes: pink, one would imagine, although it isn't specified
Canon Connections: is the "elimists" son; knows about the Yeerks, and who Cassie is
Special Abilities: +8 wilderness survival; can hear all thought-speech (WHY must every Sue/Stu be a Leeran-wannabe?); is fast enough to attack and seriously wound Ax several times
Origin: I quote: "I thought I had no parents I grew up in an orphanage tell I was 12, then I ran off...I'd been living on the streets for a few years when I decided to go to the woods. It was hard there, but life was better than in the cities, I lived in a cave and used pit traps, spears, and other traps to catch dinner. Sometimes I cooked it, but sometimes I couldn't."
Excerpts:
Back before. Before I ever saw the alien walking through the woods, I was a normal kid.
Oh, hell, no, I wasn't, I'm white. Momentarily forgetting the title, I laughed myself silly over this line. "OMG! Im liek so normal!1!" Whiter than a piece of notebook paper. In fact, the only part of me that isn't white is the irises of my eyes.
Weird, huh? Well, I'm an albino. And my life was sort of screwed up. I have no... Wait, I thought I had no parents. I grew up in an orphanage tell until I was 12, then I ran off. Yay, a comma!
Anyway, on with the story. I'd been living on the streets for a few years when I decided to go to the woods. It was hard there, but life was better than in the cities. I lived in a cave and used pit traps, spears, and other traps to catch dinner. Sometimes I cooked it, but sometimes I couldn't. Weird tenses. Anyway, pretend there's a paragraph break here. One day, just after the sun had set, I was out of my usual hunting grounds looking for food; I hadn't eaten in close to two days. I was sitting in a thicket in the middle of a meadow, with a handmaid The concept of a "handmaid" anything is interesting. Does it listen to weepy cold-footing? Will it assure you that he hasn't run out on you? Does it bitch out your bridesmaids for not wearing their corsages on the right wrist? bow and arrow read reed, or shaft to hit anything that moved. I saw in the shadows some movement, about the size of a deer Movement the size of a deer, huh? I wish I could estimate the sizes of movements.. I sat silently, waiting for it to come closer.
The thump of hooves told me it was in range. I rose like a spring and fired before the creature knew I was there' and had already loaded a second by the time the first hit. Dearie, I don't hunt bow-and-arrow and I still know that arrows aren't "loaded". One draws them, or, if simply preparing to draw, notches. Please read almost anything in the fantasy genre.
{Aaaaghhhhhhh!}
A scream in my head. The thing, obviously not a deer now, charged at me,. I loosed my second arrow into it right were a man's heart would be, then, not risking to? press the attack on this unfamiliar creature, ran as fast as I could across the open space to the trees.
[Animorphs come to Stu's cave; a mangled dialogue sequence ensues]
I stood and walked to the cave entrance.
{Okay, Rachel, Cassie you go-}
"What do you want?" I asked, going out the entrance, spear held point out. No! Is that how you're supposed to hold those things? To my surprise, I saw several birds, a human, and the creature I had seen earlier. I recognized the girl despite the darkness.
"Nice to see you again, Cassie," I said to the girl.
{Tobias, can you get his fa-} I really can't figure out what that last word was supposed to be. Father? Fucking something? Face?
"He might be able to, but this spear would kill one of you first," I answered for him. Note: that sentence makes a lot more sense if you caught the bit about everyone being in bird morph. Also, answering for people isn't polite, Stu.
{Ax, do it.}
It was a guess, but a good one,. I lunged, low to the ground, at the Andalite, How does he know Ax is an Andalite? as it's tail swept over-head. I rolled once and brought the spear point up and thrust it into the bassbase of it's tail. Agh! Bad touching! BAD! TOUCHING!
{AAAAAAGHHHHHH!!11!} Ax agrees.
"Who and WHAT ARE YOU!?! And why are you bothering me" I asked. "Stab first, ask questions later", much?
{Cassie, Ax, hold on, we'll demorph, then morph wolf and come back.}
'' I can hear you, yah know?'' "'Cause I'm a Stu! And we can aaalll hear you!"
{That is not a possibility, Prince Jake. but I must morph. I am losing much blood and you have used most of your time in morph.}
"If you're talking, you must be human" I said. Remember what I said about fantasy novels? You're in serious need of an imagination, kid. " Tell me what is going on and I will let this thing live." Hey, that "thing" is Ax! Be nice or he'll THWAP! your head off!
{We are in no position to bargain.} Why in the world not? Between the five of them, they could certainly have saved Ax from one kid with a pointy stick, and it's not like anyone would believe this lunatic, even if he made it back to society to tell.
They told me that I was a stupid Stu.
a/n should i go on NO!
N/A here it goes I think it's hilarious that she (?) uses "N/A" for "author's note" in this section. Freudian slip, maybe?
"Yeerks, huh?" I asked "I always wondered what they were called."
"You knew of the Yeerks?" Jake asked, now in human form.
"Not really. I do know a lot of people that who are obviously Controllers, though, and I think a know of a couple entrances to the pool thing."
"Even if you do, we can't trust you. You may be one of them," Rachel sneered. "You only have a few more minutes to live, then you die." WTF?! I want to kill him, too, but remember the whole three-day-feeding-cycle thing, folks? Violence is not always the answer.
" HA! If I were a Yeerk, I would have come out here with a lot more than a sharp stick and your friend would be dead." *dies and is dead*
They were silent for a moment, surprised that the Stu had managed to use "were" instead of "was", given all of his other grammatical mistakes.
{How can you hear our thought-speech?} the Andalite asked.
"Like I know?"
"Well-"
*STOP* Paragraph break, It was the loudest voice I had ever heard! It made my head want to explode! We could only wish... God, I think I actually screamed when it spoke. The sound was mind boggling. It came from every where and nowhere at once! Good speaker-system, huh?
As my head spun, No comment. Jake answered the horribly-loud-voice-that-wasn't-a-voice-and-had-no-body. Dear Author: "Show, don't tell." "What do you want, Ellimist? We’re kind of busy." "You know, because killing a guy who stabbed my Axikins Ax rates way higher on my To Do list than chatting with a near-omnipotent being."...and did I just 'ship Jake/Ax? Wow.
A creature appeared out of thin air. For an instant, I thought it was human, but I realized it wasn't, mainly because it glowed blue. NO imagination whatsoever in this kid. None at all.
"I will not allow this to happen! My son will not be in this fight for any resin reason!"
POP!
A weird creature appeared that looked sort of like a dinosaur. Short tail. Flimsy arms and wide-set eyes. But mostly I ignored him. I was still stuck in on what had been said only a moment ago. That glowing blue thing is was. Stick to the right tense, please. my father!?!
"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?! YOUR SON!?!" the Andalite, 5 five humans, and the dino-looking thing cried.
What Jake had called the Ellimist appeared to be at a loss for words. "Well... um a yah he’s um I guess you’d say he’s uh my child.” I have no words. "Um a yah um uh"? And contractions? Where is Toomin?
{Interesting} Ax commented. Yeah, that about sums it up.
"Eeewwwww," from Marco.
“Hahaha,” from the dino-thing, which was now rolling around on the ground laughing.
(N/A the dino thing is the drode incase you don't know) Dude, you have just elevated the advice, "show, don't tell" to new heights of necessity.
"That’s sick!"
"How is that possible?"
"Who is the mom?"
“That dose does not matter," the” Ellimist continued. “I will not allow this to happen. My son will not join you!”
I didn't hear the last part; I was on the ground in a dead faint. I wish I could say the same.
N/A interesting don't you think? Next chapter will be in about a week. I cannot tell you how glad I am that she didn't keep this promise.
Oh, and a bonus fic for y'all. More a parody than a real Sue, it's funny rather than horrifying.