b2wm
in
animorphsues
Who's up for some crossover WTFness?
Title: A New Life to Live
Author: Jade Limill
Name: Pod!Rachel, crossover Sue extrodinare. [Actually, it's Rachel, daughter of Legolas, but who's counting?] According to the Suethor, this is also translatable into grelvish or whatever variation thereupon she's made up in her head as "Horse Star:" "Actually, I noticed that elvish names change a letter in their names sometimes, i.e. Thranduil (Thrond = hall) so the closest translation to Rachel would be Rach El (Horse Star).."
Species: Rachel is not an elf, kthanks, Suethors. Nor is she a half-elf.
Hair: Blonde, as canon
Eyes: Blue, as canon.
Canon Connections: She, Ax, and Elfangor become Middle-earth elves after dying. Marco becomes a hobbit. Cassie and Jake are swept in to Harad and Gondor, respectively.
Special Abilities: The Ellimist now quite literally appears at the snap of her fingers and explains it all. And morphing in Middle-earth now causes some fucked-up flexiblity.
Origin: Besides being stolen from The Beginning line for line, the Sue!Rachel was also somehow born to Legolas and his human wife in Middle-earth as a twin to Elfangor, aka Feanor. Don't ask. It makes my head hurt.
Notes: I know the mods never said yea or nay on Canon Sues, but this is just such a classic example of what not to do when crossing two of my favorite fandoms.
Excerpts:
He came to me. The Ellimist.
The puppet master come to watch my final act. It figured. He was in his saintly old man guise. [Compared to his usual bondage demoness outfit. I liked this one better. I was jealous of how he looked in the leather. But I knew it was] As fake as everything else about him. [His pleather was just downright tacky.] The all-powerful weakling. The mighty manipulator.
"You," I said accusingly. [What do you know about the keg that dissappeared on March 26 under mysterious circumstances? Did you drink the entire thing?]
"Yes." [Damn it, we were saving that for a special occasion. We were going to mix it with Bleepka and blow up the Sue pool.]
"Who are you?" I demanded. "Who are you to play games with us? You appear, you disappear, you use us, [You do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself around;] who are you, what are you?"
And then, he told me. I saw. I understood. [That's nearly enough pipeweed to explain life, the universe and everything. Just not Sues.]
But I also knew he would not save me. That he couldn't under the arcane rules of his millenia-long war with Crayak. [His savings bond is only good for Andalites.]
The Ellimist was there to honor me, and I gues that was nice of him. Wasn't going to help me much.
I wanted so much to live. I wanted so much to stay and not have to leave. In a moment no answer would matter to me, but just the same, I wanted to know what I guess any dying person wants to know.
"Answer this, Ellimist: Did I. . . did I make a difference? My life, and my. . . my death. . . was I worth it? Did my life really matter?"
"Yes," he said. "You were brave. You were strong. You were good [for a canon warrior Sue, anyway]. You mattered."
"Yeah. Okay, then. Okay, then."
I wondered if-
Wait a minute! Why is he back already? [He wasn't. It was actually his long-lost twin, Ellirain.]
"Rachel, for the services you gave on Earth, I would like to make a deal with you. You get to live, on a planet inhabited by humans and other such animals on Earth. But you can not bring any technology there, and you can not go back to Earth, or the deal is forfeit. You will be put in a family and have many animals at your disposal to aquire morphs with. Do you accept?" The Ellimist said. [Waaait. I thought that Crayak wasn't going to let her live. That is some strong pipeweed, yos.]
"Yeah, sure, why not. But I want you to come if I need you, got it?" I replied.
"I accept." [Good. *snaps fingers* Now, go get me some more weed! "Yes, ma'am."]
It started when Gildin, a warrior who had devoted his life to healing, supposedly lost his memory, though no remedy could bring it back. He came up to me one day and asked to speak with me alone. So I went into the woods with him and we had a small pinic. Another thing I noticed: he liked food. A lot. [Is he a helf?]
"Why did you want to speak with me, Gildin?" I asked him.
"Do you, or do you not know of the Ellimist?" He returned.
"I know of him. The question is, how do you know of him?"
"No, the question is, did you or did you not fight by my side in the war with the yeerks three years ago? Do you or do you not remeber fighting by me, Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill?" He asked his eyes pleading me to remember.
I knew that name.I knew those eyes, that had somehow changed from Gildin's blue to Ax's green. [The elves are possesed! RUN!] And I knew that somewhere, people were mourning his death. That was the only way to get to Arda. To die.
"Ax? The Ellimist made a deal with you too, huh?" I said. He smiled in relief.
"He said that there were no andalites where I was going, that I would have to get a new body. I agreed. He said I had family here, also. My brother is the only one in my family that has died. Do you know where he is?" Ax asked me.
"Prince Elfangor? I haven't seen him, but I'm sure he would be an elf because you are one and I am half of one. [Arbron, however, would have surely become a hobbit. And Aldrea a balrog.] Wait a minute, three years ago? I didn't fight with you three years ago. Three months ago, yes, years, no."
"I am not mistaken. It has been three years." He replied.
"Three months. ELLIMIST!" I called.
"You wanted something?" The Ellimist asked.
"Yeah, Why does Ax say I've been gone three years when I counted three months?" I asked.
"Simple. Thirty days here is equal to three hundred sixty-six days on Earth, [or, if you want the truth, you just can't count.]" he replied and disappeared.
"How rude. [Bitch was supposed to give me a foot rub while he explained Sue-logic.] Okay. So, on to Elfangor. He probably has a different name, like you. [I got to keep mine becuz I'm speshul!1!] He's also most likely an elf. It would be easier if we found out who has been acting strange for the past six years. . . months, I mean. Okay let's start asking. I'll start with my brother, F‘anor."
"Okay, I'll ask the healers. I can easily talk to them. I could claim I was trying to remember," he said.
"Okay, let's go."
{F‘anor, do you know of anyone that's been acting strange for six months?} I asked.
{No, sorry, no one has been acting strange for the past six months,} he said.
{Well, do you know anyone who used to be someone called Elfangor?} I asked.
{Yes. Why?}
{Because his brother Ax is here.}
{I'll be sure to tell him,} F‘anor replied, and I swear he was smirking.
"Okay, your brother's in Mirkwood. My brother will tell him that you're here in Rivendell with me," I told Ax.
"Thank you very much. How is it that you have been here only three months and yet you know a lot about this place?" He asked.
"Back on Earth, there's this author, his name is J.R.R. Tolkien. He wrote the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which is set in Middle-Earth, or Arda, which is here. I simply read his books," I answered.
"Rachel, we are leaving tomorrow. Make sure to pack your bags tonight," my mother said.
"Yes, Naneth," I said, uddenly not wanting to go back without my only link to Earth, a.k.a. Ax.
In the morning, I was on my horse and starting out towards Mirkwood. The night before I had managed to convince my mother that Ax could work in Mirkwood, as a whole sign of trust thing about the allaince between Mirkwood and Imladris. I had spent the rest of the night with the twins. IN THE HALL OF FIRE! NOT LIKE THAT! [You guys did it doggy style in front of everyone? Rachel, have you no shame? What would Tobias say?]
OKay, Legolas wants to teach me archery. That is the problem," I said.
"Why is that a problem? Don't you want to learn?"
"No, not really. [As Xena, warrior princess, I already have all the fighting skillz I could ever use, despite the fact that many members of my party got killed because I couldn't morph.] Only I have to pretend I want to because Princess Rachel wanted to. Not only that, but I've liked Legolas since I was twelve. [My Electra complex makes Sylvia Plath look like a man-hater! Squee!] Things like that do not just go away overnight, you know."
"So just act normal around him. Act like he is your father, not your boyfriend." [Because otherwise, we'd be forced to kill you. Again.]
"Do have any idea how hard that is? He's hot! [Tobias? Who's Tobias?] Asides, I don't want to know how to shoot a bow and arrow," I returned.
"Ask the Ellimist if he can give you posters or something that you can look at before practice. You can't get out because you have been wanting this since you were fifteen, elven years. That would be about about six human years."
"How old am I now?" I asked, hoping it wasn't that old.
"You are approximately eighty elven years old. I believe that is seventeen human years." He responded.
"Eighty? I'm eighty? I'd be a hag! Do I have any wrinkles yet?" [Yeah, that one right there. No wait, that's a scar from where the polar bear smashed your head in. You're an IMMORTAL elf, dipshit!]
The rest of the animorphs filter in later in the fic, which is set pre-"Hobbit." They all ask for books, and despite Rachel's brilliant deduction, Marco's a hobbit, Cassie's a Haradric slave, and Jake's Gondorian. They explain their past lives to their hosts, despite the bans the Ellimist placed upon them, and hightail it off to Rivendell. There's also a captured!elf prequel Legomance with the mother of the twins.
Author: Jade Limill
Name: Pod!Rachel, crossover Sue extrodinare. [Actually, it's Rachel, daughter of Legolas, but who's counting?] According to the Suethor, this is also translatable into grelvish or whatever variation thereupon she's made up in her head as "Horse Star:" "Actually, I noticed that elvish names change a letter in their names sometimes, i.e. Thranduil (Thrond = hall) so the closest translation to Rachel would be Rach El (Horse Star).."
Species: Rachel is not an elf, kthanks, Suethors. Nor is she a half-elf.
Hair: Blonde, as canon
Eyes: Blue, as canon.
Canon Connections: She, Ax, and Elfangor become Middle-earth elves after dying. Marco becomes a hobbit. Cassie and Jake are swept in to Harad and Gondor, respectively.
Special Abilities: The Ellimist now quite literally appears at the snap of her fingers and explains it all. And morphing in Middle-earth now causes some fucked-up flexiblity.
Origin: Besides being stolen from The Beginning line for line, the Sue!Rachel was also somehow born to Legolas and his human wife in Middle-earth as a twin to Elfangor, aka Feanor. Don't ask. It makes my head hurt.
Notes: I know the mods never said yea or nay on Canon Sues, but this is just such a classic example of what not to do when crossing two of my favorite fandoms.
Excerpts:
He came to me. The Ellimist.
The puppet master come to watch my final act. It figured. He was in his saintly old man guise. [Compared to his usual bondage demoness outfit. I liked this one better. I was jealous of how he looked in the leather. But I knew it was] As fake as everything else about him. [His pleather was just downright tacky.] The all-powerful weakling. The mighty manipulator.
"You," I said accusingly. [What do you know about the keg that dissappeared on March 26 under mysterious circumstances? Did you drink the entire thing?]
"Yes." [Damn it, we were saving that for a special occasion. We were going to mix it with Bleepka and blow up the Sue pool.]
"Who are you?" I demanded. "Who are you to play games with us? You appear, you disappear, you use us, [You do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself around;] who are you, what are you?"
And then, he told me. I saw. I understood. [That's nearly enough pipeweed to explain life, the universe and everything. Just not Sues.]
But I also knew he would not save me. That he couldn't under the arcane rules of his millenia-long war with Crayak. [His savings bond is only good for Andalites.]
The Ellimist was there to honor me, and I gues that was nice of him. Wasn't going to help me much.
I wanted so much to live. I wanted so much to stay and not have to leave. In a moment no answer would matter to me, but just the same, I wanted to know what I guess any dying person wants to know.
"Answer this, Ellimist: Did I. . . did I make a difference? My life, and my. . . my death. . . was I worth it? Did my life really matter?"
"Yes," he said. "You were brave. You were strong. You were good [for a canon warrior Sue, anyway]. You mattered."
"Yeah. Okay, then. Okay, then."
I wondered if-
Wait a minute! Why is he back already? [He wasn't. It was actually his long-lost twin, Ellirain.]
"Rachel, for the services you gave on Earth, I would like to make a deal with you. You get to live, on a planet inhabited by humans and other such animals on Earth. But you can not bring any technology there, and you can not go back to Earth, or the deal is forfeit. You will be put in a family and have many animals at your disposal to aquire morphs with. Do you accept?" The Ellimist said. [Waaait. I thought that Crayak wasn't going to let her live. That is some strong pipeweed, yos.]
"Yeah, sure, why not. But I want you to come if I need you, got it?" I replied.
"I accept." [Good. *snaps fingers* Now, go get me some more weed! "Yes, ma'am."]
It started when Gildin, a warrior who had devoted his life to healing, supposedly lost his memory, though no remedy could bring it back. He came up to me one day and asked to speak with me alone. So I went into the woods with him and we had a small pinic. Another thing I noticed: he liked food. A lot. [Is he a helf?]
"Why did you want to speak with me, Gildin?" I asked him.
"Do you, or do you not know of the Ellimist?" He returned.
"I know of him. The question is, how do you know of him?"
"No, the question is, did you or did you not fight by my side in the war with the yeerks three years ago? Do you or do you not remeber fighting by me, Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill?" He asked his eyes pleading me to remember.
I knew that name.I knew those eyes, that had somehow changed from Gildin's blue to Ax's green. [The elves are possesed! RUN!] And I knew that somewhere, people were mourning his death. That was the only way to get to Arda. To die.
"Ax? The Ellimist made a deal with you too, huh?" I said. He smiled in relief.
"He said that there were no andalites where I was going, that I would have to get a new body. I agreed. He said I had family here, also. My brother is the only one in my family that has died. Do you know where he is?" Ax asked me.
"Prince Elfangor? I haven't seen him, but I'm sure he would be an elf because you are one and I am half of one. [Arbron, however, would have surely become a hobbit. And Aldrea a balrog.] Wait a minute, three years ago? I didn't fight with you three years ago. Three months ago, yes, years, no."
"I am not mistaken. It has been three years." He replied.
"Three months. ELLIMIST!" I called.
"You wanted something?" The Ellimist asked.
"Yeah, Why does Ax say I've been gone three years when I counted three months?" I asked.
"Simple. Thirty days here is equal to three hundred sixty-six days on Earth, [or, if you want the truth, you just can't count.]" he replied and disappeared.
"How rude. [Bitch was supposed to give me a foot rub while he explained Sue-logic.] Okay. So, on to Elfangor. He probably has a different name, like you. [I got to keep mine becuz I'm speshul!1!] He's also most likely an elf. It would be easier if we found out who has been acting strange for the past six years. . . months, I mean. Okay let's start asking. I'll start with my brother, F‘anor."
"Okay, I'll ask the healers. I can easily talk to them. I could claim I was trying to remember," he said.
"Okay, let's go."
{F‘anor, do you know of anyone that's been acting strange for six months?} I asked.
{No, sorry, no one has been acting strange for the past six months,} he said.
{Well, do you know anyone who used to be someone called Elfangor?} I asked.
{Yes. Why?}
{Because his brother Ax is here.}
{I'll be sure to tell him,} F‘anor replied, and I swear he was smirking.
"Okay, your brother's in Mirkwood. My brother will tell him that you're here in Rivendell with me," I told Ax.
"Thank you very much. How is it that you have been here only three months and yet you know a lot about this place?" He asked.
"Back on Earth, there's this author, his name is J.R.R. Tolkien. He wrote the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which is set in Middle-Earth, or Arda, which is here. I simply read his books," I answered.
"Rachel, we are leaving tomorrow. Make sure to pack your bags tonight," my mother said.
"Yes, Naneth," I said, uddenly not wanting to go back without my only link to Earth, a.k.a. Ax.
In the morning, I was on my horse and starting out towards Mirkwood. The night before I had managed to convince my mother that Ax could work in Mirkwood, as a whole sign of trust thing about the allaince between Mirkwood and Imladris. I had spent the rest of the night with the twins. IN THE HALL OF FIRE! NOT LIKE THAT! [You guys did it doggy style in front of everyone? Rachel, have you no shame? What would Tobias say?]
OKay, Legolas wants to teach me archery. That is the problem," I said.
"Why is that a problem? Don't you want to learn?"
"No, not really. [As Xena, warrior princess, I already have all the fighting skillz I could ever use, despite the fact that many members of my party got killed because I couldn't morph.] Only I have to pretend I want to because Princess Rachel wanted to. Not only that, but I've liked Legolas since I was twelve. [My Electra complex makes Sylvia Plath look like a man-hater! Squee!] Things like that do not just go away overnight, you know."
"So just act normal around him. Act like he is your father, not your boyfriend." [Because otherwise, we'd be forced to kill you. Again.]
"Do have any idea how hard that is? He's hot! [Tobias? Who's Tobias?] Asides, I don't want to know how to shoot a bow and arrow," I returned.
"Ask the Ellimist if he can give you posters or something that you can look at before practice. You can't get out because you have been wanting this since you were fifteen, elven years. That would be about about six human years."
"How old am I now?" I asked, hoping it wasn't that old.
"You are approximately eighty elven years old. I believe that is seventeen human years." He responded.
"Eighty? I'm eighty? I'd be a hag! Do I have any wrinkles yet?" [Yeah, that one right there. No wait, that's a scar from where the polar bear smashed your head in. You're an IMMORTAL elf, dipshit!]
The rest of the animorphs filter in later in the fic, which is set pre-"Hobbit." They all ask for books, and despite Rachel's brilliant deduction, Marco's a hobbit, Cassie's a Haradric slave, and Jake's Gondorian. They explain their past lives to their hosts, despite the bans the Ellimist placed upon them, and hightail it off to Rivendell. There's also a captured!elf prequel Legomance with the mother of the twins.