Farewell, Lauren
Lauren,
I hardly know what to say now. You and I haven't exactly been close for many, many years. I never approved of your lifestyle. The drugs, the alcohol, the stealing, the manipulation. I was disappointed. I AM disappointed. I'm very, very sad that you died in this way. Since hearing about your death I have reflected a lot on our childhood together. We were never exactly "best buds" but I remember fondly Christmases and birthdays together. I remember when I was about seven and you were four and we had a flocked tree in the house. We came out of our bedrooms in Arizona and mom and dad were there and we saw the rich bounty that Santa had brought (you got a HUGE dollhouse). And we said "Oh, it's exactly what I ALWAYS wanted." many, many times.
You had such grace and talent. Such beauty and poise. You were intelligent and funny. I wish I knew what happened. What came along to snuff out your fire and drag you down into such a dark place? You could have been anything. ANYTHING. And I don't just say that as one speaks generically of young people. I truly believe you could have been anything you wanted to be.
I'm angry at your decision. I'm angry that you chose to live so dangerously to the razor's edge. I'm angry that your life ended in such a stupid way. It's such a terrible waste. Where oh where has my sister gone? I've spent time thinking about how I'd do your memorial service. I think you'd really like it. I have songs in mind that are immensely meaningful to me that I would play in your honor. And a photo slide-show to go with the music that would bring the house down.
I miss the Lauren-that-was. I miss the jokes we used to share, the silliness, and the fun. I miss what you could have grown into. I miss that my children will never know you as I have. I had looked forward to them having a loving, doting aunt. Goodbye, my sister. I'm sorry for our loss. I truly wish things had ended differently. I love you and I hope you are at peace.
Your big brother,
Joshua
I hardly know what to say now. You and I haven't exactly been close for many, many years. I never approved of your lifestyle. The drugs, the alcohol, the stealing, the manipulation. I was disappointed. I AM disappointed. I'm very, very sad that you died in this way. Since hearing about your death I have reflected a lot on our childhood together. We were never exactly "best buds" but I remember fondly Christmases and birthdays together. I remember when I was about seven and you were four and we had a flocked tree in the house. We came out of our bedrooms in Arizona and mom and dad were there and we saw the rich bounty that Santa had brought (you got a HUGE dollhouse). And we said "Oh, it's exactly what I ALWAYS wanted." many, many times.
You had such grace and talent. Such beauty and poise. You were intelligent and funny. I wish I knew what happened. What came along to snuff out your fire and drag you down into such a dark place? You could have been anything. ANYTHING. And I don't just say that as one speaks generically of young people. I truly believe you could have been anything you wanted to be.
I'm angry at your decision. I'm angry that you chose to live so dangerously to the razor's edge. I'm angry that your life ended in such a stupid way. It's such a terrible waste. Where oh where has my sister gone? I've spent time thinking about how I'd do your memorial service. I think you'd really like it. I have songs in mind that are immensely meaningful to me that I would play in your honor. And a photo slide-show to go with the music that would bring the house down.
I miss the Lauren-that-was. I miss the jokes we used to share, the silliness, and the fun. I miss what you could have grown into. I miss that my children will never know you as I have. I had looked forward to them having a loving, doting aunt. Goodbye, my sister. I'm sorry for our loss. I truly wish things had ended differently. I love you and I hope you are at peace.
Your big brother,
Joshua