baby shower for onyx and sairis
the shower went wonderful. there were many amazing friends, lots of laughter and silliness, asian food and strawberry mousse cake, and too many lovely gifts! most of my family was there, and the friends that were meant to be there were.. it was beautiful and i loved it. i'm so grateful for all of it <3
we played silly games that no one really understood (not even i.. i kept giving out wrong instructions!), and we ended up giving out prizes to most everyone because of it.. and the gifts were.. magical! a lot of them were handmade and heartfelt, and i feel like there is so much love surrounding onyx and my sister's baby sairis.
today sam and i decided to start setting up the nursery... that meant moving everything that was in sam's previous room (which is now going to be onyx's room) into the 'guest' bedroom, and then moving everything that was in the guest bedroom into onyx's room. so at least now all of onyx's things are in one room, but we still have a long way to go. we didn't really get anything set up necessarily.. but things are in their proper place now. next weekend we are going to finish it <3 and while i'm excited to be doing this... a part of me almost wants to say 'hold on.. maybe we shouldn't do this right yet.' i remember when i used to live with sam at his mama's house for a few months, back when we were 15 and 16 years old, and how one day we spent all of the day setting up his room so that my things would fit with his stuff. we got it looking organized and clean (for once).. but that night him and his mama got into an arguement, and she was drunk and acting outrageous, and we ended up moving out that very night. and.. when i was 14, i moved to oregon with my mama next to the sea.. it was beautiful and perfect, i thought. we rented out this beautiful victorian house and decorated it. i had my room looking lovely and very *me*.. and not 1 month later, i moved out and back into my hometown, because i couldn't handle the life my mama and i were living at the time. and again.. at 14, my mama and i and her boyfriend at the time moved into a small, sweet country home, out in the countryside. we spent so much time getting everything settled and lovely, and not more than a few weeks later, my mama's boyfriend came home wasted and they got into a physical fight, and that was the start to us moving out and moving on to oregon. so it's been a pattern in my life, it seems.. and especially because there are so many changes taking place right now, i can't be sure of how long i will be in this home that we are in now.
but besides that uncertainty, i think sam and i just want to set up onyx's room because it's exciting.. it reminds us that our beautiful child is going to be here in a few months. so we are very much enjoying it, and i'm not letting any unsure feelings bring me discomfort or worry. i feel completely open and calm with how life moves and changes.. and i know that change is always something positive, even if it doesn't feel like it when it happens.
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