When I say you sucked my brain out the english translation is I am in love with you and it is no fun
Everyone has the days where they wake up and nothing is wrong, specifically, and still you just cant get right. Not that anything bad happens, but everything is just a little off, or you just cant get happy. I have been having that this week. Since my incredible saturday night out, its all been downhill, or would that be uphill? (downhill implies coasting and taking it easy, and it could also be out of control, but uphill represents struggle and hard work, not in themselves a bad thing, but not the way you would catagorize a good time, yes?) God what a dumb digression. In any case, I think I shot my "happy wad" on saturday night, and not in the fun sexual way. Its like I was alloted a certain amount of happiness and relief and I cashed it all in. Melodramatic yes, but theres no balance, its all happy or all sad. I mean looking back I totally fucked up by staying out too late and incurrring the ire of someone where it could have been avoided, so I still have a lot to learn. I pray for wisdom and guidance and it is slow in coming, every day is something new, and I feel that things I should have learned years ago are still just beyond my comprehension or rentention.
I am pretty disappointed in a number of people I had considered friends for a time. Im thinking that they are going to have to fall back into the aquaintance catagory, since my problems and desire to talk things out dont seem to really concern them. Its a 2 way street you know. Im not so cold that I will shut people out, but I am going to be a little more selective with my time.
Im just feeling bitchy and sensitive, which is a not so cute personality trait that I cant get rid of. I overthink and overanalyze things until they are dissected to nothing. I lose sight of the forest focusing on the trees in front of me. I would like for things to be a little more defined, and I would like the opportunity to bring up how I feel about it all. Hey while Im wishing, Id also like to meet someone I give 2 shits about who isnt 2 states or 2 hours away. Why am I so interesting to people who live in other cities where I am not residing, and yet I feel like a leper here? Maybe its me, maybe I subconsciously (and pre-emtiveley) destroy or drive away anything with potential so I can maintain my empty barren joyless existence. Good lord, thats enough of that. Time for bed, its 1 am.
Goodnight Moon
I am pretty disappointed in a number of people I had considered friends for a time. Im thinking that they are going to have to fall back into the aquaintance catagory, since my problems and desire to talk things out dont seem to really concern them. Its a 2 way street you know. Im not so cold that I will shut people out, but I am going to be a little more selective with my time.
Im just feeling bitchy and sensitive, which is a not so cute personality trait that I cant get rid of. I overthink and overanalyze things until they are dissected to nothing. I lose sight of the forest focusing on the trees in front of me. I would like for things to be a little more defined, and I would like the opportunity to bring up how I feel about it all. Hey while Im wishing, Id also like to meet someone I give 2 shits about who isnt 2 states or 2 hours away. Why am I so interesting to people who live in other cities where I am not residing, and yet I feel like a leper here? Maybe its me, maybe I subconsciously (and pre-emtiveley) destroy or drive away anything with potential so I can maintain my empty barren joyless existence. Good lord, thats enough of that. Time for bed, its 1 am.
Goodnight Moon