Alternate Reality Challenge Part 4- [Twelfth Night PG-13/M]
For those just tuning in, this is part of my challenge to pimp crossovers/alternate realities. Give me any two fandoms and I will write a crossover (see here) or see the alternate reality challenge here.
For Prpl Pen
Fandom: William Shakespeare- Twelfth Night
Title: Making Apples
Rating/Warnings: PG-13/M. For wacky Adult Meta goodness. Implied slash, femme-slash and more double-entendre than anyone would ever want to think about. Viola/Olivia and blink-and-you'll-miss-it Orsino/Sebastian.
Genre: Crack. Meta. Character Study. Bible/Austen/Shakespeare fusion.
Word Count: ~730
Summary: Love doesn't grow on trees like apples in Eden - it's something you have to make. And you must use your imagination too. - Joyce Cary
Notes for prpl_pen: Before you kill me, I *loved* this request and this would be why Naphy did not go on in English Lit. -Guiltily waves in the direction of The Wm.'s grave where he's undoubtedly busy turning over- So you are one of the very few people who could have convinced me to write sonnets and iambic again (not to mention Shakespearean Meta Meta). And why has it been so long since I last wrote femme-slash? Hope this works for you :) Er… in case it wasn't confusing enough to start with, this may not be in linear order, as in it may be working backwards to the beginning. -Shuffles guiltily-
Author's Notes: So the split is that I cut the comedy of errors- Antonio actually finds Sebastian being threatened and Sir Toby and Olivia come across Viola er… 'Cesario', where Olivia saves her from the beratement. I always thought it wouldn't have taken much more effort on Olivia's part to topple Viola's resistance and this is my take on the aftermath and the discovery… As for the text separation- Twelfth Night is a five act play, Shakespeare forgive me. All credits in footnotes.
Making Apples
VIOLA: By innocence I swear, and by my youth
I have one heart, one bosom and one truth,
And that no woman has; nor never none
Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.
-Wm. Shakespeare, "Twelfth Night, Act III, Scene I"
ACT I. Cesario is dead.
i. This may not be a bad thing.
ii. Unless you're the Duke.
iii. Who can't tell the difference between identical pretty boys.
iv. This may not be a bad thing.
ACT II. Mourir
Je suis mort(e).
J'avais un petit mort.
Like this:
tongue and mouth
And maybe:
tongueandmouth
Olivia!
ACT III. That's no lady- that's my wife!
OLIVIA
Beneath these vestments of gentle-bred man
Figure not as on brother faint recalled
Like form to like forms as only mine can
What game thus played on my mind to have lulled?
VIOLA
No game this but survival most weary
Madam- 'tis you who have pushed so clearly!
If Cesario not, with still fix'd birth
Is Viola then of unequal worth?
Words, deeds and thoughts you have judg'ed most fine
The name mayst turn but the spirit is mine
OLIVIA
Then Cesario is dead and all joy with him.
VIOLA
Cesario is dead, 'tis true
And yet my flesh is consigned to maggots.
Wouldst thou hide in weeds and words until all flesh spoilt
Mourn Cesario's death as your brother?
OLIVIA
Thou artst no brother.
VIOLA
Nor no Duke.
OLIVIA
Let the Duke shuffle himself
And mourn lost woman and boy alike
He shall shuffle no more to me
So it is and shall be- Cesario dead
Fair Viola stands far better in stead.
ACT IV. A woman, especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can.
Olivia's spirits soon rising to playfulness again, she wanted Cesario to account for his having ever fallen in love with her. "How could you begin?" said she. "I can comprehend your going on charmingly, when you had once made a beginning; but what could set you off in the first place?"
"I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun."
ACT V. It all goes back, of course, to Adam and Eve -a story which shows among other things, that if you make a woman out of a man, you are bound to get into trouble.
OLIVIA
I prithee, gentle friend,
Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway
In this uncivil and thou unjust extent
Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,
And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks
This ruffian hath botch'd up, that thou thereby
Mayst smile at this: thou shalt not choose but go:
Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me,
He started one poor heart of mine in thee.
VIOLA
What relish is in this? how runs the stream?
Or I am mad, or else this is a dream:
Why now with her kindness my blood to heat
Why now wish to follow her with my feet?
OLIVIA
Nay, come, I prithee; would thou'ldst be ruled by me!
VIOLA
A moment, Madam.
Then mayhapst…
Mayhapst, I will.
OLIVIA
O, say so, and so be!
[Exit OLIVIA]
VIOLA
My heart beats fit to leave my aching chest,
My mind runs so swiftly it canst take rest.
What of the Duke?
He loves no part of me save that I may
Cause the parting of the Lady with her parts
For his own partings.
But she makes all sense part me, all parts part
In such ways as I have sworn never to feel
Such tiny tinder the candle of the Duke
To the flame born of my Lady's regard!
I am swall'wed by mine own words
Persistence! Such fuel to set the blaze of love
Become in truth the role I aforewhile playst.
For she loves Cesario.
[To AUDIENCE]
What manner of man can true woman be?
And yet, would not a man full true in flesh
In white length of limb, soft fall of hair see
That fix'ed peak where dream and duty mesh?
Am I then Cesario in full truth
Viola a memory left to grieve?
Olivia the balm my heart to soothe
A thing most desirous with which to cleave?
My heart's desire! For such length withheld
E'en from the discourse of my searching mind
The form I wear now of two minds to meld
Desires- rare, strange unearthed to find
Adam I, Eve I, and serpent who fell,
Fruit-sat'd, no more to tell hea'en from hell.
[Exeunt]
Footnotes
ACT II:
Mourir = To die (verb infinitive).
Je suis mort. = I am dead (masculine).
Je suis morte. = I am dead (feminine).
J'avais un petit mort. = I was (in the process of) having a 'little death'.
ACT III:
"That's no lady- that's my wife!"
- Nobody wishes to take credit for this.
ACT IV:
"A woman, especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can."
- Jane Austen, "Northanger Abbey"
Text of Act adapted from "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen. Because I wanted her to roll just as much as Sweet William.
ACT V:
“It all goes back, of course, to Adam and Eve - a story which shows among other things, that if you make a woman out of a man, you are bound to get into trouble”
- Carol Gilligan
For Prpl Pen
Fandom: William Shakespeare- Twelfth Night
Title: Making Apples
Rating/Warnings: PG-13/M. For wacky Adult Meta goodness. Implied slash, femme-slash and more double-entendre than anyone would ever want to think about. Viola/Olivia and blink-and-you'll-miss-it Orsino/Sebastian.
Genre: Crack. Meta. Character Study. Bible/Austen/Shakespeare fusion.
Word Count: ~730
Summary: Love doesn't grow on trees like apples in Eden - it's something you have to make. And you must use your imagination too. - Joyce Cary
Notes for prpl_pen: Before you kill me, I *loved* this request and this would be why Naphy did not go on in English Lit. -Guiltily waves in the direction of The Wm.'s grave where he's undoubtedly busy turning over- So you are one of the very few people who could have convinced me to write sonnets and iambic again (not to mention Shakespearean Meta Meta). And why has it been so long since I last wrote femme-slash? Hope this works for you :) Er… in case it wasn't confusing enough to start with, this may not be in linear order, as in it may be working backwards to the beginning. -Shuffles guiltily-
Author's Notes: So the split is that I cut the comedy of errors- Antonio actually finds Sebastian being threatened and Sir Toby and Olivia come across Viola er… 'Cesario', where Olivia saves her from the beratement. I always thought it wouldn't have taken much more effort on Olivia's part to topple Viola's resistance and this is my take on the aftermath and the discovery… As for the text separation- Twelfth Night is a five act play, Shakespeare forgive me. All credits in footnotes.
Making Apples
VIOLA: By innocence I swear, and by my youth
I have one heart, one bosom and one truth,
And that no woman has; nor never none
Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.
-Wm. Shakespeare, "Twelfth Night, Act III, Scene I"
ACT I. Cesario is dead.
i. This may not be a bad thing.
ii. Unless you're the Duke.
iii. Who can't tell the difference between identical pretty boys.
iv. This may not be a bad thing.
ACT II. Mourir
Je suis mort(e).
J'avais un petit mort.
Like this:
tongue and mouth
And maybe:
tongueandmouth
Olivia!
ACT III. That's no lady- that's my wife!
OLIVIA
Beneath these vestments of gentle-bred man
Figure not as on brother faint recalled
Like form to like forms as only mine can
What game thus played on my mind to have lulled?
VIOLA
No game this but survival most weary
Madam- 'tis you who have pushed so clearly!
If Cesario not, with still fix'd birth
Is Viola then of unequal worth?
Words, deeds and thoughts you have judg'ed most fine
The name mayst turn but the spirit is mine
OLIVIA
Then Cesario is dead and all joy with him.
VIOLA
Cesario is dead, 'tis true
And yet my flesh is consigned to maggots.
Wouldst thou hide in weeds and words until all flesh spoilt
Mourn Cesario's death as your brother?
OLIVIA
Thou artst no brother.
VIOLA
Nor no Duke.
OLIVIA
Let the Duke shuffle himself
And mourn lost woman and boy alike
He shall shuffle no more to me
So it is and shall be- Cesario dead
Fair Viola stands far better in stead.
ACT IV. A woman, especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can.
Olivia's spirits soon rising to playfulness again, she wanted Cesario to account for his having ever fallen in love with her. "How could you begin?" said she. "I can comprehend your going on charmingly, when you had once made a beginning; but what could set you off in the first place?"
"I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun."
ACT V. It all goes back, of course, to Adam and Eve -a story which shows among other things, that if you make a woman out of a man, you are bound to get into trouble.
OLIVIA
I prithee, gentle friend,
Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway
In this uncivil and thou unjust extent
Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,
And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks
This ruffian hath botch'd up, that thou thereby
Mayst smile at this: thou shalt not choose but go:
Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me,
He started one poor heart of mine in thee.
VIOLA
What relish is in this? how runs the stream?
Or I am mad, or else this is a dream:
Why now with her kindness my blood to heat
Why now wish to follow her with my feet?
OLIVIA
Nay, come, I prithee; would thou'ldst be ruled by me!
VIOLA
A moment, Madam.
Then mayhapst…
Mayhapst, I will.
OLIVIA
O, say so, and so be!
[Exit OLIVIA]
VIOLA
My heart beats fit to leave my aching chest,
My mind runs so swiftly it canst take rest.
What of the Duke?
He loves no part of me save that I may
Cause the parting of the Lady with her parts
For his own partings.
But she makes all sense part me, all parts part
In such ways as I have sworn never to feel
Such tiny tinder the candle of the Duke
To the flame born of my Lady's regard!
I am swall'wed by mine own words
Persistence! Such fuel to set the blaze of love
Become in truth the role I aforewhile playst.
For she loves Cesario.
[To AUDIENCE]
What manner of man can true woman be?
And yet, would not a man full true in flesh
In white length of limb, soft fall of hair see
That fix'ed peak where dream and duty mesh?
Am I then Cesario in full truth
Viola a memory left to grieve?
Olivia the balm my heart to soothe
A thing most desirous with which to cleave?
My heart's desire! For such length withheld
E'en from the discourse of my searching mind
The form I wear now of two minds to meld
Desires- rare, strange unearthed to find
Adam I, Eve I, and serpent who fell,
Fruit-sat'd, no more to tell hea'en from hell.
[Exeunt]
Footnotes
ACT II:
Mourir = To die (verb infinitive).
Je suis mort. = I am dead (masculine).
Je suis morte. = I am dead (feminine).
J'avais un petit mort. = I was (in the process of) having a 'little death'.
ACT III:
"That's no lady- that's my wife!"
- Nobody wishes to take credit for this.
ACT IV:
"A woman, especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can."
- Jane Austen, "Northanger Abbey"
Text of Act adapted from "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen. Because I wanted her to roll just as much as Sweet William.
ACT V:
“It all goes back, of course, to Adam and Eve - a story which shows among other things, that if you make a woman out of a man, you are bound to get into trouble”
- Carol Gilligan