You say, "all you ever talk about is dying and it's getting so old"
I dreamt of my Papa the other night and it was bittersweet. It's the first dream that I have remembered in a long time. I was sitting in my grandparents kitchen. My grandma had sent my papa down into the cellar to find something. When he came back it was so shocking and he had been gone longer than normal, but he had relish all over his face. Like he opened a jar and just started mowing down on relish. And he didn't even realize it was all over him. And he just started casually telling grandma about whatever he went down to check on, or possibly telling her that he didn't do it because he forgot. And she was about to yell at him in her typical way, like what are you doing Ray?
So strange. But it made me think of him really fondly and miss him.
You say, "all you ever talk about is dying and it's getting so old"
And we say, "love was made
Like a book or a page just ripped out but we never read anyway"
And you say "love was made like a ship at bay never to see waves"
We should probably get used to it, but we don't
She's got her hands in her pockets and she's walking around
She's got a face made for smiling but she's making a frown
She says, "all you ever talk about is letting us down
If you ever see me dying, just put me in the ground"
Colour Revolt - Mattresses Underwater
Very much enjoyed discovering that song and band recently, an early/mid 00s band that definitely never hit my radar.
Allergies have been so bad the past few weeks, so much sneezing. And now in the past day and a half I've had a really sore throat, like it hurts to swallow and I have so much mucus, probably post nasal drip. But no coughing yet, so that's good. I'm just exhausted too, did not sleep well because I have my period and I was crampy. So everything is awful right now.
So out of it at work, glad it's more or less an average day. I'm still feeling like I'm recovering from a busy as fuck weekend.
I have Saturday off and I was initially trying to make plans with people to hangout. But I may be too tired and just need a day at home. Ugh.
I've been super into Stranger Things, I was really trying to not binge it. I wanted to let it settle to just watch an episode at a time to let it digest. Not entirely how I did it, but I did space it out a bit, I'm onto Ep 7, which I will finish before the next 2 eps coming out Jul 1st. It's surprising and enjoyable. Really love how separate all the stories feel and hopefully all come back together in the new episodes.
Saturday came and I ended up inviting M&Z over for swimming and my parents invited them for dinner too. It was fun and super good to see them. My parents just occupy so much space and well, fair, it’s their house, so I don’t really care if they join us by the pool etc. But I’m more kinda irritated by how much space they take up conversationally, just talking non stop. And again whatever, I’m not a big talker, though with M&Z they know me so well, and like leave me space in conversation if that makes sense. I don’t know if it is intentional but when it’s just us I’m the most talkative I ever am because I guess I feel more comfortable speaking up. And with my parents, I just have never felt heard, so I just eventually stopped trying with them. Both of them apologised afterwards if they were monopolizing the time with my friends, which was considerate I guess. But if you knew you were doing it you could just… not? Haha.
But also I wasn’t feeling 100% either so I feel like maybe I was especially quiet. I slept very intensely, and was still so tired and trying to sleep at like 8 this morning, which is rare considering I was def in bed by 9:30. Probably because I took a half pill of the super strong allergy pills that Jen gave me to try. The first time I took one it like seriously knocked me out, I needed a nap and slept for like 10 hours haha. So half seems more reasonable, but still really affects me.
Really pumped about a FedEx package I have arriving soon from PolishPickup but that’s about it. Super exciting.
So strange. But it made me think of him really fondly and miss him.
You say, "all you ever talk about is dying and it's getting so old"
And we say, "love was made
Like a book or a page just ripped out but we never read anyway"
And you say "love was made like a ship at bay never to see waves"
We should probably get used to it, but we don't
She's got her hands in her pockets and she's walking around
She's got a face made for smiling but she's making a frown
She says, "all you ever talk about is letting us down
If you ever see me dying, just put me in the ground"
Colour Revolt - Mattresses Underwater
Very much enjoyed discovering that song and band recently, an early/mid 00s band that definitely never hit my radar.
Allergies have been so bad the past few weeks, so much sneezing. And now in the past day and a half I've had a really sore throat, like it hurts to swallow and I have so much mucus, probably post nasal drip. But no coughing yet, so that's good. I'm just exhausted too, did not sleep well because I have my period and I was crampy. So everything is awful right now.
So out of it at work, glad it's more or less an average day. I'm still feeling like I'm recovering from a busy as fuck weekend.
I have Saturday off and I was initially trying to make plans with people to hangout. But I may be too tired and just need a day at home. Ugh.
I've been super into Stranger Things, I was really trying to not binge it. I wanted to let it settle to just watch an episode at a time to let it digest. Not entirely how I did it, but I did space it out a bit, I'm onto Ep 7, which I will finish before the next 2 eps coming out Jul 1st. It's surprising and enjoyable. Really love how separate all the stories feel and hopefully all come back together in the new episodes.
Saturday came and I ended up inviting M&Z over for swimming and my parents invited them for dinner too. It was fun and super good to see them. My parents just occupy so much space and well, fair, it’s their house, so I don’t really care if they join us by the pool etc. But I’m more kinda irritated by how much space they take up conversationally, just talking non stop. And again whatever, I’m not a big talker, though with M&Z they know me so well, and like leave me space in conversation if that makes sense. I don’t know if it is intentional but when it’s just us I’m the most talkative I ever am because I guess I feel more comfortable speaking up. And with my parents, I just have never felt heard, so I just eventually stopped trying with them. Both of them apologised afterwards if they were monopolizing the time with my friends, which was considerate I guess. But if you knew you were doing it you could just… not? Haha.
But also I wasn’t feeling 100% either so I feel like maybe I was especially quiet. I slept very intensely, and was still so tired and trying to sleep at like 8 this morning, which is rare considering I was def in bed by 9:30. Probably because I took a half pill of the super strong allergy pills that Jen gave me to try. The first time I took one it like seriously knocked me out, I needed a nap and slept for like 10 hours haha. So half seems more reasonable, but still really affects me.
Really pumped about a FedEx package I have arriving soon from PolishPickup but that’s about it. Super exciting.