Enlightening Emptyness
[[[ Not to anyone who will read this, for someone, for myself. ]]]
Maybe i couldn't deny you love after that evening in particular.
Outside of the little mundane moments of our lives, you sat with me in the still dark.
We had ordered pizza, we watched one of those self-aware movies meant to confound with the cute obscurely popular actor and a profoundly puzzling plot.
It put me to sleep.
i was thinking thick and wearing thin those days.
i dozed off. Maybe on your lap. i can't remember. Your smell was still unfamiliar. You have the blanket to prove it.
The movie turned off and the screen clicked off with only the crackle of static electricity.
Then, there was no light. Then, there was no sound. Then there was only you.
Like God in Genesis, you spoke yourself into existence in that enveloping black, so opaque.
No light but the low glow stretching horizontal bands into the otherwise empty space from between the blinds.
Out of the temperate air, your voice laughing at the thin walls that we call security.
You were less cynical than curious.
It was just you without anything in the way. Not even the nebula of nakedness so many people mistake for intimacy.
No, there was no sex between us. We were between us.
The surrounding dark and nothing but our voices gave the experience the feeling of a dream in my drowsy state.
It was like we were both asleep, inside the world alone with one another. You were my world.
Being in the dark with you wasn't bliss, it was an entirely different delusion.
It was existence and it was vulnerability and it was shared. It was heaven. You illuminated everything. You were the light.
You made the sound in that solemness that completely quelled all that would have been alarm.
Your words were simple. i was lost in you that night. i think i still haven't made it back.
Maybe that's why that space was ours, we heard everything around but us as an illusion and you could see that truth in the dark.
All that was were the two of us, disembodied voices hovering over the calm and something of it was so present that i didn't need you Close to me. You were close to me. You could have been me cloaked in that complete and perfect dark. i heard you clearly and it was enough.
You sparked something and it reminded me of how insecure we both were (and are) and i took peace in it.
i knew you were a piece of me i could always connect with. i hope i was the same for you.
Maybe i fell in-love with you that night.
Nothing but my ears echoing with you in the silence.
No need for anything more than a desire for a whole lot less. Less between us and less to insecurity to worry about.
Your silence is now my recurring nightmare. A world without the simplicity of a single voice to bring the calm of our unconscious union.
i love you. i wish you could show me you know what that means.
Everthing is just so much more a maze with the lights on, darling. i hope you find the switch again.
Maybe i couldn't deny you love after that evening in particular.
Outside of the little mundane moments of our lives, you sat with me in the still dark.
We had ordered pizza, we watched one of those self-aware movies meant to confound with the cute obscurely popular actor and a profoundly puzzling plot.
It put me to sleep.
i was thinking thick and wearing thin those days.
i dozed off. Maybe on your lap. i can't remember. Your smell was still unfamiliar. You have the blanket to prove it.
The movie turned off and the screen clicked off with only the crackle of static electricity.
Then, there was no light. Then, there was no sound. Then there was only you.
Like God in Genesis, you spoke yourself into existence in that enveloping black, so opaque.
No light but the low glow stretching horizontal bands into the otherwise empty space from between the blinds.
Out of the temperate air, your voice laughing at the thin walls that we call security.
You were less cynical than curious.
It was just you without anything in the way. Not even the nebula of nakedness so many people mistake for intimacy.
No, there was no sex between us. We were between us.
The surrounding dark and nothing but our voices gave the experience the feeling of a dream in my drowsy state.
It was like we were both asleep, inside the world alone with one another. You were my world.
Being in the dark with you wasn't bliss, it was an entirely different delusion.
It was existence and it was vulnerability and it was shared. It was heaven. You illuminated everything. You were the light.
You made the sound in that solemness that completely quelled all that would have been alarm.
Your words were simple. i was lost in you that night. i think i still haven't made it back.
Maybe that's why that space was ours, we heard everything around but us as an illusion and you could see that truth in the dark.
All that was were the two of us, disembodied voices hovering over the calm and something of it was so present that i didn't need you Close to me. You were close to me. You could have been me cloaked in that complete and perfect dark. i heard you clearly and it was enough.
You sparked something and it reminded me of how insecure we both were (and are) and i took peace in it.
i knew you were a piece of me i could always connect with. i hope i was the same for you.
Maybe i fell in-love with you that night.
Nothing but my ears echoing with you in the silence.
No need for anything more than a desire for a whole lot less. Less between us and less to insecurity to worry about.
Your silence is now my recurring nightmare. A world without the simplicity of a single voice to bring the calm of our unconscious union.
i love you. i wish you could show me you know what that means.
Everthing is just so much more a maze with the lights on, darling. i hope you find the switch again.