Scared.
i don't believe in you humanity in your vicious individuality.
not when you play with my sanity.
word salad word salad word salad
i don't believe anyone can know me. You know of me and about me, but do you know me beyond being able to do anything but love me.
Co-dependency is labelled bad in this reality, but it rings so pretty to me.
If you knew me once upon a time, you might have loved that i wanted to be loving and wonderful.
But i know why you don't love me because i don't have that many resources, because i'm not pretty and i can be petty at the worst times.
i need to be reminded when others don't need the same. They already wear their name like a badge.
i don't need my name, just the love of one who wants the good of his and is willing to work relentlessly for it.
i want to be loved more than the fight itself by someone else. i want to be loved by a man more than he loves the good of his name in dimly-lit, smiley socialite circles.
i fight for the poor and who are too ugly to even pretend to be loved.
i'm ugly, too. i'm lonely, too.
know one knows me, does someone love you?
and if i'm not ugly, parts of me are. parts of me are so imperfect.
i will never be the celestial standard.
i don't want it because i don't want to forget the sting of being nothing to everybody, anybody, even the nobodies.
i know! i know!
i know a world and it needs work and heart and help but i have those things in reserve because i need to believe i'm worth saving.
After all these years and all this Jesus and loving and losing and longing and confusing and trying and falling and failing and finding.
STILL i feel everything inside, but can't put it outside myself. Give me rapture so i can rest. i am a soul sore-eyed and possessed with desire for an attire and a currency of creativity and sustainability.
May i have my dreams stirred into your cup of reality?
Could you please love me in reality?
i want beauty not just for me, will you point me in its direction?
i know i can be a snob, but it's my job to make you as smart as me so you can be smarter.
i'm not blowing hot air to heat the water for your coffee, i want to warm the air your spirit is stuck in because the wind is cold. oh the wind is cold. i want to save your soul. We need you! And maybe this world can't eat you whole if i hold you. At least then, for me, be real.
Stop counting on me when you haven't told me the times, the times, time and time again.
We are from different planets can you not plan time to put me in your orbit.
i'm overbearing and i'm sorry.
When you like some of my bearings, sometimes, i think you'll like them all but you don't. i'm not sorry.
i have to stand up and make you apologize and find me. i can't always build the bridges, i have to build up, too. i can't always love you by definition. Please.
You are all the things you say you are and less ... i am too. i am not my intentions but i could be with you. Maybe you're all happier without. Maybe i've nothing to complain about but my fear of bringing out what i'm scared of.
i know some and i know less, of the things i know i am possessed to tell and you'd send me to hell for anything i could get my heart in because you feel nothing inside, you say.
And if you break my heart, tomorrow are we to play again? i can't play like that.
If you can't hear me, do i not know how to speak or do you not know what to listen for? How can we change? Can we change? Can we make change for the same strangers in the mirror in the morning?
not when you play with my sanity.
word salad word salad word salad
i don't believe anyone can know me. You know of me and about me, but do you know me beyond being able to do anything but love me.
Co-dependency is labelled bad in this reality, but it rings so pretty to me.
If you knew me once upon a time, you might have loved that i wanted to be loving and wonderful.
But i know why you don't love me because i don't have that many resources, because i'm not pretty and i can be petty at the worst times.
i need to be reminded when others don't need the same. They already wear their name like a badge.
i don't need my name, just the love of one who wants the good of his and is willing to work relentlessly for it.
i want to be loved more than the fight itself by someone else. i want to be loved by a man more than he loves the good of his name in dimly-lit, smiley socialite circles.
i fight for the poor and who are too ugly to even pretend to be loved.
i'm ugly, too. i'm lonely, too.
know one knows me, does someone love you?
and if i'm not ugly, parts of me are. parts of me are so imperfect.
i will never be the celestial standard.
i don't want it because i don't want to forget the sting of being nothing to everybody, anybody, even the nobodies.
i know! i know!
i know a world and it needs work and heart and help but i have those things in reserve because i need to believe i'm worth saving.
After all these years and all this Jesus and loving and losing and longing and confusing and trying and falling and failing and finding.
STILL i feel everything inside, but can't put it outside myself. Give me rapture so i can rest. i am a soul sore-eyed and possessed with desire for an attire and a currency of creativity and sustainability.
May i have my dreams stirred into your cup of reality?
Could you please love me in reality?
i want beauty not just for me, will you point me in its direction?
i know i can be a snob, but it's my job to make you as smart as me so you can be smarter.
i'm not blowing hot air to heat the water for your coffee, i want to warm the air your spirit is stuck in because the wind is cold. oh the wind is cold. i want to save your soul. We need you! And maybe this world can't eat you whole if i hold you. At least then, for me, be real.
Stop counting on me when you haven't told me the times, the times, time and time again.
We are from different planets can you not plan time to put me in your orbit.
i'm overbearing and i'm sorry.
When you like some of my bearings, sometimes, i think you'll like them all but you don't. i'm not sorry.
i have to stand up and make you apologize and find me. i can't always build the bridges, i have to build up, too. i can't always love you by definition. Please.
You are all the things you say you are and less ... i am too. i am not my intentions but i could be with you. Maybe you're all happier without. Maybe i've nothing to complain about but my fear of bringing out what i'm scared of.
i know some and i know less, of the things i know i am possessed to tell and you'd send me to hell for anything i could get my heart in because you feel nothing inside, you say.
And if you break my heart, tomorrow are we to play again? i can't play like that.
If you can't hear me, do i not know how to speak or do you not know what to listen for? How can we change? Can we change? Can we make change for the same strangers in the mirror in the morning?