1 chaptered: Snape/Tonks (Searching for a Change)
Title: Searching for the Change; chapter 2 Unexpected Visitor
Words: 2200-ish (this chapter)
Rating: PG (this chapter)
Characers/Pairings: Snape/Tonks
Warnings: none.
Author's Notes: A thousand thank yous to the best beta in the world, jandjsalmon.
Summary: (this chapter) Snape as an unexpected, and surprisingly enjoyable, visitor.
Previous chapters: 1
Severus's mind seemed to slide towards Tonks during his downtime the next day. He couldn't get over how uncharacteristic the woman had looked while she was in the bar. She had a depressed air about her that was very unlike the woman he had grown to know during his stay with the Order. The bitterness that was evident when she had briefly spoken of Remus Lupin, the werewolf, still haunted Severus in spite of his claims of being uninterested.
The months following the war seemed to have affected anyone and everyone involved, including the cheery woman who had seemed so unaffected during the actual war. Her hair color was like a blaring reminder that the woman was hurt. The war followed him blatantly everywhere we went - everyone knew of his involvement in the war, both good and bad. He might as well have been a pariah after the war, though his "heretics" had earned him a place in a society that hated him.
Tonks had no such luck. No one had a reason to hate the young Auror. She had been a solider in a war that everyone had fought though not always to the extent she had.
Two days after their meeting in the bar, Tonks showed up at the doorstep to Severus's house on Spinner's End. The knock seemed foreign to him at first since he rarely had visitors. He answered the door with a confused expression on his face.
He grew both surprised and confused at the sight of Tonks at his door, a wide smile on her face. Her hair was still a black-brown, but there seemed to be a less distraught, depressed look in her eyes.
"Hello," he greeted her carefully.
"Wotcher, Snape!" she greeted him happily. If she noticed his shock expression, she didn't seem to. Her attitude seemed carefree and happy as she watched him. She seemed to be waiting for something.
"What do you want?" Severus didn't care that his voice was harsh or that is words were unfriendly. He felt put out by her very presence.
"I thought I'd come visit you." She shrugged, and her smile was still in place.
"Why?"
"Well, firstly to say thank you for talking with me at the bar. You didn't have to do that." Her facial expression seemed a bit embarrassed, but her voice came out in a strong and bubbly tone.
"I know," he said as if he had done her a favor by just acknowledging her that night.
"Well, thank you. Also, I couldn't really get you off my mind so I thought-"
He cut her off rudely. "What? You couldn't get me off your mind?" He repeated her words back to her, as if sure he had heard wrong.
She nodded. "I don't understand why you talked to me that night."
"It just seemed to be the thing to do," he told her. Thinking that the discussion was over, Severus started to close the door, but she put her hand out to stop it. "What else do you want?"
"Can I come in?" Tonks looked beyond his shoulder and into his home.
"No." He moved so that be blocked her view.
"Oh, come on! Please?" She seemed determined to get her way.
He relented and moved back to allow her entrance. He wasn't sure what was driving him to continue his conversation or what truly made him talk to her that night, but part of him didn't want to stop himself.
She smiled up at him cheerily then hurried by him before he could change his mind. Glancing around his sparsely decorated front room, she dropped down into a nearby chair and watched him as he shut the door behind her. He moved into the room gracefully and sat down in the chair across from her.
"What?" His one word question didn't make her comfortable as she continued to smile at him.
"I want to talk!" She had a child-like quality along with her enthusiasm, and Severus despised it.
"I don't want to talk. You can leave now." It was as if he was dismissing a student.
Her smile faltered for a moment before she shook her head. With a new grin, she said, "You wanted to talk that night. Now, we can talk because I want to."
"Actually, I just was curious to why you were there alone," he corrected her with a scowl.
"What do people normally go to bars to do? Drink."
"That's true, but normally people don't drink alone if they have someone to drink with."
"Maybe I didn't have someone to drink with that night until you showed up."
"What about your werewolf?" He was baiting her, and he could tell she didn't know.
Her eyes flashed at his precise wording. "I already told you that he wasn't mine."
"So what happened after the war? You two sure were close while I was with the Order." He tried to ignore the feeling of unprovoked jealousy that crept up on him. He envied her happy nature and the fact she had had someone to go through the war with.
She shrugged. "Nothing was ever official. After the need for companionship was over, he didn't care about me anymore."
Severus looked at her with narrowed eyes. He was trying to figure out what to say now when she spoke up. "What do you care anyway?"
"I don't," he snapped defensively.
"Then why bother asking?" Her questions were simple, but he couldn't find a simple answer for them.
"Why shouldn't I ask?" He was talking in circles.
She tilted her head as she thought about his question. "You're a strange man."
"If you think that, you should leave." He was jumping at the chance for her departure. Her presence confused him, making him unsure of his loner nature. He didn't want to like the woman sitting across from him, but he found himself unable to help himself. She was intriguing and happy. It was something new to him.
"I don't really want to, but if you insist-" She stood up and headed for the door. He watched her walk ungracefully across the room. When she got to the door she sighed sadly.
"What?" he asked from his seat.
She turned to look at him. "What?"
"Why did you sigh like that?" He hated himself for asking, for showing interest.
"I was just thinking that I'm sad to have to leave. I had thought I could talk to you, but I guess I was wrong. I guess there's no talking to someone like you." She placed her hand on the doorknob awkwardly.
"Someone like me?"
"Yeah. You prefer to be alone, to cause controversy." She shrugged as she twisted the doorknob.
"I don't prefer to be alone, I just find it easier. As for trying to cause controversy, that's not intentional." Severus didn't like feeling like he had to defend himself to Nymphadora Tonks, but he couldn't shake the feeling. He felt connected to her, and there was no reason behind it.
"Then why are you throwing me out?" Her voice sounded hurt for the first time since she had arrived that day.
"I'm not."
She swung around, a wide smile on her face, and clambered back to her chair. "Good. Then I'm staying!"
Severus had the odd sensation that he had been manipulated, but he didn't mind. He found he liked her showing complexity even if it was manipulation.
She was watching him, as if waiting for him to say something first. After a long moment of silence, she sighed. "Fine. What are you doing for a living now?"
"I still teach at Hogwarts during the school year," he answered her. He remained guarded in his responses.
She thought hard for a moment. "You go back in a week, right?"
He nodded.
"Great. Are you teaching potions?" She seemed genuinely interested in what he had to say.
"Of course. With my… reputation it's not like she will allow me to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts."
She smiled at him. "That's what you always wanted to teach. You got your wish for what… a year?"
He nodded slowly, wondering where she was getting at.
"I wonder why Professor-I mean, Headmistress McGonagall won't let you teach the subject of your choice. She thinks you're a hero."
He scoffed. "No she's doesn't. Like everyone else she seems me as a murderer only."
She stiffened and gave him a disgruntled look. "You aren't just a murderer to me. I know you killed Dumbledore, but that's not all you did during the war!"
He looked at her with surprise. "Most people are blind to the rest."
"I'm not," she said vehemently.
"That's nice. Moving along…" He felt uncomfortable by her words. She seemed so sure of what she really thought, but she couldn't be telling the truth. Tonks hadn't killed anyone, and she had no idea how it felt to know that you had taken someone's life - no matter the circumstances.
She smiled again. "I'm an Auror."
"I'm aware of that."
She grinned widely.
He sighed. "How do you like your job?" He could barely believe that he was asking such a mundane question.
"Oh I love it! Being a Metamorphmagus certainly helps."
He nodded, feeling bored.
She sighed, her smile falling from her mouth. "The world is no better with Voldemort dead. There are still crazy criminals out there to be hunted."
He nodded. "There certainly are, but the Dark Lord had no equal to his evil."
"Yes, I suppose that's true. But Aurors are always in high demand it seems."
"That's job security."
She made a face. "It's not exactly my dream to have the world be in chaos."
He smiled bitterly. "Not everyone gets their dreams."
"True." She smiled again.
"Will you stop that!"
"Stop what?"
"Smiling, being happy. For goodness' sake, you're in the room with me. You hate me."
"I don't know you, but I certainly don't hate you," she shot back.
He glared at her. He wished she'd disappear. Most people were afraid to come anywhere near him, let alone be in the same room with him and carry on a conversation.
"I want to get to know you, I think," she said thoughtfully.
"If you don't know me, how do you know you want to get to know me?" he asked, interested in her answer.
She shrugged. "You've never done anything to make me not want to get to know you."
He laughed suddenly. His laugh was low and dark.
"What?" she asked in surprise.
"I just don't understand," he admitted once his laughter had died.
"You don't understand what?"
"Why you're here."
Tonks smiled at him, a genuine smile. "I came here to say thank you, and if you let me, get to know you." She shrugged. "Don't ask me specifically why I want to get to know you, but I do. I think you're fascinating."
"Murderers shouldn't be fascinating."
"Will you please stop saying that?" There was anger in her voice this time.
Severus was taken back by her outburst. "Stop saying I'm a murderer? No. I can't take back what I did, but I have accepted it as part of my past, part of who I am. If you can't accept what I have done, then leave." He looked pointedly at the door.
She rolled her eyes. "I'm not leaving, Severus."
His given name felt strange coming from her lips. She was so innocent it seemed, and his name felt like poison to his own ears. He didn't deserve or want her offer of… friendship if the meeting was what it seemed. It seemed to be like her to offer friendship to someone who was unwilling because of her happy nature. She seemed to like to do what was unconventional. She had fallen in love with a half-breed, a werewolf, and after that relationship had fallen apart, she came here seeking friendship him the pariah.
He shook his head.
"What this time?" She seemed annoyed and he had to fight the smile that threatened to escape.
"Nothing. I was just thinking that you aren't as simple as you seemed to be at first."
She looked at him as if she was unsure if she believed what he said. "I'm not simple. I don't know anyone who is."
He nodded in agreement.
"The war has also changed people," she pointed out. He noticed that her mood turned melancholy when she spoke of the war. He wondered what actions and things she had witnessed that still haunted her. It had been a mere four months since the end of the war had happened when Harry Potter killed Voldemort and the Death Eaters were caught and killed or thrown in Azkaban.
Severus knew full well that Tonks had been an active member of the Order of the Phoenix since the rebirth of Voldemort and through the entire war. There was no doubt that she had seen death, faced death, and perhaps had been close to death herself. Death had been a way of life during the war, and no one could have escaped it if they had tried. Even those wizards and witches that had not chosen a side had been affected by the war in a negative way.
Tonks continued with idle chatter as Severus listened and occasionally said what he hoped was an appropriate response or murmur. He was surprised that he felt sad a few hours later when she had to leave.
"I promise to be back soon," she told him with a smile.
"If you must," he said in a voice that he hoped that didn't convey the fact he actually wanted her to. Despite his desire to want nothing to do with the woman, he wanted her to stay longer, and at most, he wanted her to come back.
Her presence was a breath of fresh air in his life. The war had left many things in his life bleak. Tonks brought with her a happiness that was hard to come by these days in a world that was still trying to fight its way out of the hole a war caused.
She stopped just outside the doorway where he had followed her to shut the door. In a swift movement that seemed unachievable with her clumsiness, she swung around and leaned up to place a soft kiss on his cheek. With one last smile she started to walk a safe distance to Apparate. Her steps were ungainly, but careful.
He was still watching the place that she had Apparated from a few minutes after she was gone.
Words: 2200-ish (this chapter)
Rating: PG (this chapter)
Characers/Pairings: Snape/Tonks
Warnings: none.
Author's Notes: A thousand thank yous to the best beta in the world, jandjsalmon.
Summary: (this chapter) Snape as an unexpected, and surprisingly enjoyable, visitor.
Previous chapters: 1
Severus's mind seemed to slide towards Tonks during his downtime the next day. He couldn't get over how uncharacteristic the woman had looked while she was in the bar. She had a depressed air about her that was very unlike the woman he had grown to know during his stay with the Order. The bitterness that was evident when she had briefly spoken of Remus Lupin, the werewolf, still haunted Severus in spite of his claims of being uninterested.
The months following the war seemed to have affected anyone and everyone involved, including the cheery woman who had seemed so unaffected during the actual war. Her hair color was like a blaring reminder that the woman was hurt. The war followed him blatantly everywhere we went - everyone knew of his involvement in the war, both good and bad. He might as well have been a pariah after the war, though his "heretics" had earned him a place in a society that hated him.
Tonks had no such luck. No one had a reason to hate the young Auror. She had been a solider in a war that everyone had fought though not always to the extent she had.
Two days after their meeting in the bar, Tonks showed up at the doorstep to Severus's house on Spinner's End. The knock seemed foreign to him at first since he rarely had visitors. He answered the door with a confused expression on his face.
He grew both surprised and confused at the sight of Tonks at his door, a wide smile on her face. Her hair was still a black-brown, but there seemed to be a less distraught, depressed look in her eyes.
"Hello," he greeted her carefully.
"Wotcher, Snape!" she greeted him happily. If she noticed his shock expression, she didn't seem to. Her attitude seemed carefree and happy as she watched him. She seemed to be waiting for something.
"What do you want?" Severus didn't care that his voice was harsh or that is words were unfriendly. He felt put out by her very presence.
"I thought I'd come visit you." She shrugged, and her smile was still in place.
"Why?"
"Well, firstly to say thank you for talking with me at the bar. You didn't have to do that." Her facial expression seemed a bit embarrassed, but her voice came out in a strong and bubbly tone.
"I know," he said as if he had done her a favor by just acknowledging her that night.
"Well, thank you. Also, I couldn't really get you off my mind so I thought-"
He cut her off rudely. "What? You couldn't get me off your mind?" He repeated her words back to her, as if sure he had heard wrong.
She nodded. "I don't understand why you talked to me that night."
"It just seemed to be the thing to do," he told her. Thinking that the discussion was over, Severus started to close the door, but she put her hand out to stop it. "What else do you want?"
"Can I come in?" Tonks looked beyond his shoulder and into his home.
"No." He moved so that be blocked her view.
"Oh, come on! Please?" She seemed determined to get her way.
He relented and moved back to allow her entrance. He wasn't sure what was driving him to continue his conversation or what truly made him talk to her that night, but part of him didn't want to stop himself.
She smiled up at him cheerily then hurried by him before he could change his mind. Glancing around his sparsely decorated front room, she dropped down into a nearby chair and watched him as he shut the door behind her. He moved into the room gracefully and sat down in the chair across from her.
"What?" His one word question didn't make her comfortable as she continued to smile at him.
"I want to talk!" She had a child-like quality along with her enthusiasm, and Severus despised it.
"I don't want to talk. You can leave now." It was as if he was dismissing a student.
Her smile faltered for a moment before she shook her head. With a new grin, she said, "You wanted to talk that night. Now, we can talk because I want to."
"Actually, I just was curious to why you were there alone," he corrected her with a scowl.
"What do people normally go to bars to do? Drink."
"That's true, but normally people don't drink alone if they have someone to drink with."
"Maybe I didn't have someone to drink with that night until you showed up."
"What about your werewolf?" He was baiting her, and he could tell she didn't know.
Her eyes flashed at his precise wording. "I already told you that he wasn't mine."
"So what happened after the war? You two sure were close while I was with the Order." He tried to ignore the feeling of unprovoked jealousy that crept up on him. He envied her happy nature and the fact she had had someone to go through the war with.
She shrugged. "Nothing was ever official. After the need for companionship was over, he didn't care about me anymore."
Severus looked at her with narrowed eyes. He was trying to figure out what to say now when she spoke up. "What do you care anyway?"
"I don't," he snapped defensively.
"Then why bother asking?" Her questions were simple, but he couldn't find a simple answer for them.
"Why shouldn't I ask?" He was talking in circles.
She tilted her head as she thought about his question. "You're a strange man."
"If you think that, you should leave." He was jumping at the chance for her departure. Her presence confused him, making him unsure of his loner nature. He didn't want to like the woman sitting across from him, but he found himself unable to help himself. She was intriguing and happy. It was something new to him.
"I don't really want to, but if you insist-" She stood up and headed for the door. He watched her walk ungracefully across the room. When she got to the door she sighed sadly.
"What?" he asked from his seat.
She turned to look at him. "What?"
"Why did you sigh like that?" He hated himself for asking, for showing interest.
"I was just thinking that I'm sad to have to leave. I had thought I could talk to you, but I guess I was wrong. I guess there's no talking to someone like you." She placed her hand on the doorknob awkwardly.
"Someone like me?"
"Yeah. You prefer to be alone, to cause controversy." She shrugged as she twisted the doorknob.
"I don't prefer to be alone, I just find it easier. As for trying to cause controversy, that's not intentional." Severus didn't like feeling like he had to defend himself to Nymphadora Tonks, but he couldn't shake the feeling. He felt connected to her, and there was no reason behind it.
"Then why are you throwing me out?" Her voice sounded hurt for the first time since she had arrived that day.
"I'm not."
She swung around, a wide smile on her face, and clambered back to her chair. "Good. Then I'm staying!"
Severus had the odd sensation that he had been manipulated, but he didn't mind. He found he liked her showing complexity even if it was manipulation.
She was watching him, as if waiting for him to say something first. After a long moment of silence, she sighed. "Fine. What are you doing for a living now?"
"I still teach at Hogwarts during the school year," he answered her. He remained guarded in his responses.
She thought hard for a moment. "You go back in a week, right?"
He nodded.
"Great. Are you teaching potions?" She seemed genuinely interested in what he had to say.
"Of course. With my… reputation it's not like she will allow me to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts."
She smiled at him. "That's what you always wanted to teach. You got your wish for what… a year?"
He nodded slowly, wondering where she was getting at.
"I wonder why Professor-I mean, Headmistress McGonagall won't let you teach the subject of your choice. She thinks you're a hero."
He scoffed. "No she's doesn't. Like everyone else she seems me as a murderer only."
She stiffened and gave him a disgruntled look. "You aren't just a murderer to me. I know you killed Dumbledore, but that's not all you did during the war!"
He looked at her with surprise. "Most people are blind to the rest."
"I'm not," she said vehemently.
"That's nice. Moving along…" He felt uncomfortable by her words. She seemed so sure of what she really thought, but she couldn't be telling the truth. Tonks hadn't killed anyone, and she had no idea how it felt to know that you had taken someone's life - no matter the circumstances.
She smiled again. "I'm an Auror."
"I'm aware of that."
She grinned widely.
He sighed. "How do you like your job?" He could barely believe that he was asking such a mundane question.
"Oh I love it! Being a Metamorphmagus certainly helps."
He nodded, feeling bored.
She sighed, her smile falling from her mouth. "The world is no better with Voldemort dead. There are still crazy criminals out there to be hunted."
He nodded. "There certainly are, but the Dark Lord had no equal to his evil."
"Yes, I suppose that's true. But Aurors are always in high demand it seems."
"That's job security."
She made a face. "It's not exactly my dream to have the world be in chaos."
He smiled bitterly. "Not everyone gets their dreams."
"True." She smiled again.
"Will you stop that!"
"Stop what?"
"Smiling, being happy. For goodness' sake, you're in the room with me. You hate me."
"I don't know you, but I certainly don't hate you," she shot back.
He glared at her. He wished she'd disappear. Most people were afraid to come anywhere near him, let alone be in the same room with him and carry on a conversation.
"I want to get to know you, I think," she said thoughtfully.
"If you don't know me, how do you know you want to get to know me?" he asked, interested in her answer.
She shrugged. "You've never done anything to make me not want to get to know you."
He laughed suddenly. His laugh was low and dark.
"What?" she asked in surprise.
"I just don't understand," he admitted once his laughter had died.
"You don't understand what?"
"Why you're here."
Tonks smiled at him, a genuine smile. "I came here to say thank you, and if you let me, get to know you." She shrugged. "Don't ask me specifically why I want to get to know you, but I do. I think you're fascinating."
"Murderers shouldn't be fascinating."
"Will you please stop saying that?" There was anger in her voice this time.
Severus was taken back by her outburst. "Stop saying I'm a murderer? No. I can't take back what I did, but I have accepted it as part of my past, part of who I am. If you can't accept what I have done, then leave." He looked pointedly at the door.
She rolled her eyes. "I'm not leaving, Severus."
His given name felt strange coming from her lips. She was so innocent it seemed, and his name felt like poison to his own ears. He didn't deserve or want her offer of… friendship if the meeting was what it seemed. It seemed to be like her to offer friendship to someone who was unwilling because of her happy nature. She seemed to like to do what was unconventional. She had fallen in love with a half-breed, a werewolf, and after that relationship had fallen apart, she came here seeking friendship him the pariah.
He shook his head.
"What this time?" She seemed annoyed and he had to fight the smile that threatened to escape.
"Nothing. I was just thinking that you aren't as simple as you seemed to be at first."
She looked at him as if she was unsure if she believed what he said. "I'm not simple. I don't know anyone who is."
He nodded in agreement.
"The war has also changed people," she pointed out. He noticed that her mood turned melancholy when she spoke of the war. He wondered what actions and things she had witnessed that still haunted her. It had been a mere four months since the end of the war had happened when Harry Potter killed Voldemort and the Death Eaters were caught and killed or thrown in Azkaban.
Severus knew full well that Tonks had been an active member of the Order of the Phoenix since the rebirth of Voldemort and through the entire war. There was no doubt that she had seen death, faced death, and perhaps had been close to death herself. Death had been a way of life during the war, and no one could have escaped it if they had tried. Even those wizards and witches that had not chosen a side had been affected by the war in a negative way.
Tonks continued with idle chatter as Severus listened and occasionally said what he hoped was an appropriate response or murmur. He was surprised that he felt sad a few hours later when she had to leave.
"I promise to be back soon," she told him with a smile.
"If you must," he said in a voice that he hoped that didn't convey the fact he actually wanted her to. Despite his desire to want nothing to do with the woman, he wanted her to stay longer, and at most, he wanted her to come back.
Her presence was a breath of fresh air in his life. The war had left many things in his life bleak. Tonks brought with her a happiness that was hard to come by these days in a world that was still trying to fight its way out of the hole a war caused.
She stopped just outside the doorway where he had followed her to shut the door. In a swift movement that seemed unachievable with her clumsiness, she swung around and leaned up to place a soft kiss on his cheek. With one last smile she started to walk a safe distance to Apparate. Her steps were ungainly, but careful.
He was still watching the place that she had Apparated from a few minutes after she was gone.