AWOL, sort of.
I've been lazy about journaling, frankly. Real life is my current focus...what focus I have, anyway.
One day, maybe, whenever I can get myself up to do it, I'll make one of those big long posts detailing the state of my fucked-upness. Tonight is not that night - tonight is the condensed version of that.
Long story short, I need my own damn place or I'm gonna go stark freakin' nuts here. I feel like I'm slowly suffocating to death out here in this isolation - which is not entirely physical.
I am not getting a new car this year, or any other year - barring any financial miracles, that is. Due to not having gainful employment since December, I've had to fall back on my credit card in order to pay for the supplies (toiletries, cat food, etc.) I need. As you can imagine, that racks up. So I had to prematurely take out my CD funds from the old car and use some of that to pay off the credit card.
My folks don't know about this. I don't want them to know - although they will find out, eventually. Then the shit will hit the fan. But I'm not going to worry about it. I'm simply going to say hey - a) you guys carp about me using your money, and b) which would you rather I have, less fund money or an unpleasantly high card debt? (I could be a real bitch and bring in c), which is, with all the money fuckups you guys have made in the past which resulted in us being out in this godforsaken place, you guys are in no position to lecture me on money management. But that would only make it worse and as it is I anticipate a fairly uncomfortable 'discussion' when the time comes.)
Mom and I are butting heads on my pets more and more - she made an unnecessary dig at me today that really pissed me off, which I ignored at first because I wasn't in the mood to do verbal sparring, but of course she had to pick at it like a scab, to which I replied, 'yeah, I heard you' (while later, under my breath, I muttered 'I just don't give a shit'). It's just stupid shit that she has to pick with me for some as-yet unknown reason - though Bestie said - and I agree - it's likely because of the isolation: my folks literally have no lives, they don't get out hardly ever, and nothing else to do (besides park in front of the TV). And I'm an easy target/scapegoat.
It is a fair accusation to say that my life currently revolves mostly around my pets. I don't deny this. What I will say is that my pets are just about the only thing keeping what's left of my sanity intact. You fuck with that at your own peril - no joke.
(Speaking of said pets, they too can drive me a little nuts at times...the other day, Sunny somehow lost her collar, so I had to go get a new one, plus a new ID tag. I still haven't found Teddy's collar. I'm hoping that by late fall, I'll be able to spot them, but we'll see. Everybody is, knock on wood, otherwise doing all right though. But Sam has had to be confined to my room indefinitely on account of the discovery that he's been peeing in the office space outside of his litterbox, likely due to upset upon seeing one of the other cats through the kitchen windows or whenever someone comes in/goes outside - Taffy has been trying to sneak indoors lately.)
Worse, with my dad's health the way it is, Mom and I pretty much have been reduced to waiting on him hand and foot. And it's wearing on both of us. We are fast becoming toxic to each other and resentment on all sides is building, and sometimes that gets expressed in verbal altercation, especially when one of us - usually me - has a low trigger setting and isn't in the mood to take any shit.
So needless to say, I'm going more than a little crazy here, and trying to cope the best that I can (with varying degrees of success/failure). So if I'm not around much online anymore, that's a big reason why. (The other part is that frankly, with all the negativity saturating the news anymore, I just can't fucking stand it anymore. I need a vacation.)
(Also, we may be losing internet for good in September. We'll see.)
One day, maybe, whenever I can get myself up to do it, I'll make one of those big long posts detailing the state of my fucked-upness. Tonight is not that night - tonight is the condensed version of that.
Long story short, I need my own damn place or I'm gonna go stark freakin' nuts here. I feel like I'm slowly suffocating to death out here in this isolation - which is not entirely physical.
I am not getting a new car this year, or any other year - barring any financial miracles, that is. Due to not having gainful employment since December, I've had to fall back on my credit card in order to pay for the supplies (toiletries, cat food, etc.) I need. As you can imagine, that racks up. So I had to prematurely take out my CD funds from the old car and use some of that to pay off the credit card.
My folks don't know about this. I don't want them to know - although they will find out, eventually. Then the shit will hit the fan. But I'm not going to worry about it. I'm simply going to say hey - a) you guys carp about me using your money, and b) which would you rather I have, less fund money or an unpleasantly high card debt? (I could be a real bitch and bring in c), which is, with all the money fuckups you guys have made in the past which resulted in us being out in this godforsaken place, you guys are in no position to lecture me on money management. But that would only make it worse and as it is I anticipate a fairly uncomfortable 'discussion' when the time comes.)
Mom and I are butting heads on my pets more and more - she made an unnecessary dig at me today that really pissed me off, which I ignored at first because I wasn't in the mood to do verbal sparring, but of course she had to pick at it like a scab, to which I replied, 'yeah, I heard you' (while later, under my breath, I muttered 'I just don't give a shit'). It's just stupid shit that she has to pick with me for some as-yet unknown reason - though Bestie said - and I agree - it's likely because of the isolation: my folks literally have no lives, they don't get out hardly ever, and nothing else to do (besides park in front of the TV). And I'm an easy target/scapegoat.
It is a fair accusation to say that my life currently revolves mostly around my pets. I don't deny this. What I will say is that my pets are just about the only thing keeping what's left of my sanity intact. You fuck with that at your own peril - no joke.
(Speaking of said pets, they too can drive me a little nuts at times...the other day, Sunny somehow lost her collar, so I had to go get a new one, plus a new ID tag. I still haven't found Teddy's collar. I'm hoping that by late fall, I'll be able to spot them, but we'll see. Everybody is, knock on wood, otherwise doing all right though. But Sam has had to be confined to my room indefinitely on account of the discovery that he's been peeing in the office space outside of his litterbox, likely due to upset upon seeing one of the other cats through the kitchen windows or whenever someone comes in/goes outside - Taffy has been trying to sneak indoors lately.)
Worse, with my dad's health the way it is, Mom and I pretty much have been reduced to waiting on him hand and foot. And it's wearing on both of us. We are fast becoming toxic to each other and resentment on all sides is building, and sometimes that gets expressed in verbal altercation, especially when one of us - usually me - has a low trigger setting and isn't in the mood to take any shit.
So needless to say, I'm going more than a little crazy here, and trying to cope the best that I can (with varying degrees of success/failure). So if I'm not around much online anymore, that's a big reason why. (The other part is that frankly, with all the negativity saturating the news anymore, I just can't fucking stand it anymore. I need a vacation.)
(Also, we may be losing internet for good in September. We'll see.)