i don't know if i want to be a contemporary artist anymore
so i spent three quarters of this evening making a collage for design. we were supposed to convey some sort of emotion so i picked a panic attack, which is a lot of emotions rolled into one. the whole damn thing just about gave me a panic attack. but anyway, all i really want to do right now is talk to mike, but he's not online. i haven't really talked to anyone about him lately, but i really need to get some things out there so i'm going to take the time to do that now.
mike issue #1: nothing is defined. i really want to have a talk with him and figure out if we're together, if we're just friends, if we're dating, what? but i'm afraid if i do that he'll get all wierd and stop being wonderful. which is the last thing i want to happen. i would like to just go back to being together, but i don't really know how receptive he is to that.
mike issue #2: i'm paranoid as all hell that he's going to hurt me again. i want to put myself out there like i always have and just do what feels right but somewhere in my mind i keep waiting for an e-mail telling me that nothing he has said or done is the truth and that it's over.
mike issue #3: i'm going totally insane and i'm sure he's not helping.
those are the 3 major mike issues right now. as i see it, my only options are to move out of state or talk to him. i want to talk to him but as i stated before, i don't know about that.i just wish he was more predictable in the less insane way. he always goes off the deep end. well, i had better get to bed, i have to get up at 7:30 tomorrow and show the world my wretched collage. i think it's the biggest piece of shit i have ever done. but oh well, goodnight.
mike issue #1: nothing is defined. i really want to have a talk with him and figure out if we're together, if we're just friends, if we're dating, what? but i'm afraid if i do that he'll get all wierd and stop being wonderful. which is the last thing i want to happen. i would like to just go back to being together, but i don't really know how receptive he is to that.
mike issue #2: i'm paranoid as all hell that he's going to hurt me again. i want to put myself out there like i always have and just do what feels right but somewhere in my mind i keep waiting for an e-mail telling me that nothing he has said or done is the truth and that it's over.
mike issue #3: i'm going totally insane and i'm sure he's not helping.
those are the 3 major mike issues right now. as i see it, my only options are to move out of state or talk to him. i want to talk to him but as i stated before, i don't know about that.i just wish he was more predictable in the less insane way. he always goes off the deep end. well, i had better get to bed, i have to get up at 7:30 tomorrow and show the world my wretched collage. i think it's the biggest piece of shit i have ever done. but oh well, goodnight.