victory is an elusive whore

[amand_r]

The thing is, given any current time you are bound to feel certain ways, and even though you feel that way now, you won't feel that way forever. So when I say all of these things, I already know that I might feel differently later. I'm always surprised at the number of people who feel the need to tell you that you won't feel a certain way forever

Comments

[milkshake_b]

See, now I'm sitting here with some of my own thoughts on unsolicited concrit, because I've got problems with the way fandom does it myself, but instead I'm going "Does that mean when she posts something like this she doesn't want responses? *flail*" I think concealed insecurity is probably a fandom staple.

I just want to sleep all the time. I'm not really interested in anything.

You been checked for CFS*? I feel like I've known just a stupid number of people who either were misdiagnosed with depression and turned out to have it, or just were puttering along not knowing they had it, and who discovered they had it after I met them and went "Hey, have you been checked for...?" so now I get this sort of red flag that pops up in my brain whenever I read a description like that. (Honestly I'd be paranoid that I was catching, except I'd have to be catching across the internets.)

* Err, or do you have it? That stupidly high number means I've just completely lost track of who does and doesn't. Maybe I should make myself a chart, or a

[amand_r]

SECOND EDIT BECAUSE I SUCK, MILKSHAKE. TALK ABOUT TUNNEL VISION TONIGHT

[milkshake_b]

(Don't worry: LJ has not seen fit to give me a copy of your original comment.)

Honestly, my biggest problem with the way most of fandom does concrit is that if you don't want it--and worse, if you dare to say so--you are automatically written off as a bad writer, or a whiner, or 'weak' or something. There makes an implicit assumption that there is a 'correct' way to go about writing (not writing for publication, either, just writing), and that fandom has found it--and anyone who deviates from this one true way is going to be inherently a bad writer. And that is just so full of shit. The only valid answer to "What's the best way to write?" is "Whatever manner gets the story done to your satisfaction" and there really shouldn't be any intense stigma attached to adding "No Unsolicited Concrit, please" to your author's notes*. (The personal decision to avoid such stories yourself is something different; but the sort of social shunning that happens is just bizarre.) If your personal satisfaction is not to edit, than that's not any more '

[milkshake_b]

Also, I have a real dislike of concrit that sums up as "your entire story concept just doesn't work," because what is the point of that? "This part could be better" or "I don't think the character would say that" you can use, but I don't think anyone who leaves a comment like "I tried to read this but the entire first half was just too slow and pointless" or "Sorry, this premise just doesn't work" or even your example of "this feels like fanfic, not like the real show" is actually leaving concrit, because there's nothing constructive there. Call it a negative review and stop hiding behind the more attractive-sounding word.

Although you're right about that being just a magnificently weird 'critique'. I've never seen someone apply that to actual fanfic before. It's really useful for professional things as a way to say "this feels subtly off-kilter with everything we have previously seen from this show/series/universe before this"; my best summation of why I disliked Babylon 5's Lost Tales was that it felt like a fanfic. An entertaining

[amonitrate]

Thanks for sharing this. The differences between online persona and real life are... large, for me too. Loom large, I guess. You put how you experience it more articulately than I probably ever could for myself and I appreciate reading it.

You're in my thoughts tonight, for whatever that's worth.

[amand_r]

DOOD, I think of you sometimes when I look at Salon, because I could never EVER have half the arguments online that you have. You're good at it. Just thinking about it gives me ulcers. I am in awe.

[amonitrate]

ahahha.

omg I am too terrified to get into it with the salon people, I stick to LJ.

And speaking of online/offline personas, I never ever get into debates in person. Very very rarely, and if I do it lasts a fraction as long, because in person I totally avoid conflict, let me tell you. I think you said it well that online makes me braver than I am, or something.

It sometimes gives me ulcers even on LJ, but I have this thing where I find it impossible to let go sometimes. I'm trying to learn more balance with this, where I can make my point but then back away before it goes bad and pisses me off. Like, picking my battles, instead of riding the horse into the ground. WOW. LOTS OF METAPHORS THERE.

[amand_r]

A CORNUCOPIA OF METAPHOR.

I'm the opposite. I don't mind discussing some things in rl because I can articulate myself better in person, and there's inflection, and the instant exchange of thoughts and ideas in a discourse, instead of posting, falling out of the zone, and then an hour later getting a reply. But I don't talk politics, and I don't talk religion.

[macgeorge1]

I don't really have anything comforting or pithy or wise in response. (actually, I started to blather on in a philosophical bent, but this is your journal and I've tried to learn in my dotage when to shut the fuck up.)

You've demonstrated the power of thought and words and writing without self-censorship.

You have a compelling voice, and I'm glad you spoke.

[amand_r]

I almost filtered it, but what the shit is that about?

I already found a logic hole in my first whole thing, but I'm leaving it. HA HA HA FULL OF ERRORS, LIKE MY FANFIC.

I don't think I necessarily need to be comforted. Just the pact of putting it where people could read it was good enough.

[easilymused1956]

Amanda.

Well done, sweetie.

Renee

[amand_r]

Haahahah thank you. I try very hard to get both of my feet in my mouth at the same time.

[tripperfunster]

I think I saw a porno like that once.

[amand_r]

I saw your mom in that porno once.

[kel_reiley]

i find myself often feeling many of the things you describe here, but mostly THIS: I find it interesting that the default for posts like these, where a person states how they feel/what they think about X is actually perceived as an invite to debate. It's my journal. I'm stating how I feel. I'm not opening the floor to anything. If I were, I would be asking, "What do you think?"

also, the fact that you find yourself feeling ~whatever~ b/c everyone around you is better/faster/stronger/smarter/perfect... well i don't know what to do with that, b/c you're one of those ppl to me

and maybe you don't want to know this, maybe it makes you feel worse, but i almost didn't even write this comment b/c... well, what difference would i make?

[amand_r]

also, the fact that you find yourself feeling ~whatever~ b/c everyone around you is better/faster/stronger/smarter/perfect... well i don't know what to do with that, b/c you're one of those ppl to me

I KNOW! IN THE FACT THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE TO ME. And like..it's bizarre, isn't it?

No, it doesn't make me feel worse, really. It makes me feel bad for you because I suck so hard, dude. You are way more temperate. People still like you after the..you know, the thing.

[kel_reiley]

i can never tell how ppl perceive me - in "real life" as well as online, i never know

[alba17]

i don't know if ppl like me, i never know if ppl just seem to tolerate me, if they are just "being nice" but secretly wish i would go away

Me too! That's why I sometimes delete my LJ entries shortly after I post them. Or wonder later if I should have. btw, you don't seem bitchy and opinionated to me. Well, occasionally opinionated, but not bitchy. I haven't the faintest idea how I seem online. I'm certainly a lot more verbose than in RL, where I tend to hold back and be reserved.