(no subject)
so brandon and i broke up, after one year of dating, its over. i cheated on him and then the next day broke up with him, because i could never have such a lie on my conscious. ive been in love with samuel for roughly 4 years, and i guess i tried to get over the fact that nothing ever came of us being together, by trying to date other people so i could convince myself i didnt love him, so it wouldnt hurt so much. first was nick, then brandon. i cared for brandon alot, but i never felt the same kind of love for them as i do with samuel. we have more in common than anyone else ive ever met, no one else in the world makes me feel how he does, hes the last thing i think about before i sleep and when i wake up. on friday he confessed to me that he felt the same way about me as i do about him, it just took him longer to figure out. he broke up with his girlfriend (or whatever you want to call her) this evening. as cheesy as is, i feel as though my impossible wishes have came true. on the other hand i feel this incredible guilt and shock. brandon came to my house to get his stuff and tore up, broke, and burned everything that was about us, as well as writing fuck you in sharpie on my door. he went crazy, and i feel horrible that i made him feel so mad, but at the same time he should have seen it coming, our relationship had been on a downcline for months and we kept breaking up. before we broke we hadnt even done more than kiss for more than a month. im so all over the place, i cant believe all this happened, its so surreal that im sleeping with my best friend, and though this break up is going to be hard, ive never been to happy.