Jan 19, 2007 11:05
an ending that has stuck in my mind for what i think is close to two years now: six feet under. this was a show that i enjoyed immensely, and to this day i'm sad there are no new episodes to look forward to (the kidnapping episode haunts me to this day with how it portrayed those events & sucked me in almost as if i were there). the finale: claire leaving home for the first time, flash-forwards to the deaths of all the main characters (with interesting tidbits revealed in each scene), culminating in her own ironic death as a blind woman unable to even see the photographs she had such an eye for that hang on the wall. a perfect song played throughout (i had to look it up later that week: sia- 'breathe me'), and by the end of it all, the imagery & music had me crying. to this day, it's stuck with me- i thought it was as close to a perfect ending as the show could have had.
i loved the show even though it dealt heavily with a subject matter that i've began to realize that i really don't like: death.
i went through my childhood pretty lucky in that no one close to me passed away. i didn't have to deal with death any more than when we found my sister's bird at the bottom of the cage. maybe this allowed for a happier childhood, but in a way i think it stunted the emotional growth that comes with the experience of dealing with death.
death is a reality that everyone experiences at different levels at some point in their lives. no one feels anything new or different that hasn't been felt before by someone else- their eyes are just opened to it and they can then empathize with others who have been with the same thing because they now know the emotions and thoughts that come with it. it's new to them. actually, i feel like it's completely unoriginal that i'm here typing about death, as i'm sure it's been done countless times before, but oh well.
...but now, for the first time, i've had two deaths in my family in the last couple of years. they were not unexpected deaths, but still- the finality of them put me through the emotions many have felt before, and in taking a step back i've come to the realization that i don't fully accept death and its reality in life. it scares me. in fact, the thought of me being on the other end of things- lying in a bed having loved ones making their mandatory visits and reminiscing together about times past- makes me want to vomit. now that many of my grand-level relatives have passed on, the reality of the next generation (my parents & their siblings) likely being 'next' makes me queasy at the mere thought of it. i'm not even remotely close to being able to deal with that.
that's part of what i liked about the show. it made me project the 'what ifs' onto my own life, and even though it was extremely unpleasant (sometimes emotionally painful) at the time to think about what i'd do in the same situations, it was a valuable exercise in preparation.
everything ends. i know this. i just need to face and accept this. sooner rather than later.