We'll See How Brave You Are
My panicky tendencies tried to reassert themselves this evening. I was able to talk myself down, but that gut instinct to panic and stress myself out over every little thing is still there. It probably always will be. It’s sobering to realize that I’m going to be fighting these tendencies for the rest of my life. I’m developing ways to counteract them (yoga, meditating, journal writing, and praying), but when I’ve had a long day or have a lot of work to do, they always flare up and threaten to drive me insane.
Thankfully, I’m learning how to control myself more effectively. I haven’t been overspending. I haven’t been overworking. I haven’t been losing sleep. I’m becoming noticeably calmer, in fact. One of my professors even commented on how much calmer I’ve been lately. And I’ve also just been a happier, more positive person lately. I still have a ways to go, but that shouldn’t belittle how far I’ve already come. I’m almost a completely different person than I was at the end of last semester. And that, above all else, is something to be grateful for.
Other than that, there is not that much to write about. My conference presentation is a week from Friday. I’m excited, actually. Last week I was rather nervous, but now that I’ve actually written my paper and seen my name on the schedule…I’m just excited. I’ve been afraid that I’m going to make a fool out of myself, but I’m beginning to realize that that’s just my lack of faith in myself talking. I am a good student and I am on my way to becoming a good scholar. I have written what I think is a really interesting paper, and I’m eager to share it with others and get some feedback.
And I might have a little crush developing on someone in one of my classes. Even though I’m fairly certain that he’s straight. Despite this, though…I’d just like to have the crush. I know it sounds immature to say that I have a crush, but it’s been so long since I’ve had one. I’d forgotten how enjoyable they can be. I’m not attaching any serious hopes to it, so there’s really no danger of hurting myself or anything. I’m just indulging in a little fun during what it an otherwise boring class. I don’t really have the time for much more than that right now anyway.
Thankfully, I’m learning how to control myself more effectively. I haven’t been overspending. I haven’t been overworking. I haven’t been losing sleep. I’m becoming noticeably calmer, in fact. One of my professors even commented on how much calmer I’ve been lately. And I’ve also just been a happier, more positive person lately. I still have a ways to go, but that shouldn’t belittle how far I’ve already come. I’m almost a completely different person than I was at the end of last semester. And that, above all else, is something to be grateful for.
Other than that, there is not that much to write about. My conference presentation is a week from Friday. I’m excited, actually. Last week I was rather nervous, but now that I’ve actually written my paper and seen my name on the schedule…I’m just excited. I’ve been afraid that I’m going to make a fool out of myself, but I’m beginning to realize that that’s just my lack of faith in myself talking. I am a good student and I am on my way to becoming a good scholar. I have written what I think is a really interesting paper, and I’m eager to share it with others and get some feedback.
And I might have a little crush developing on someone in one of my classes. Even though I’m fairly certain that he’s straight. Despite this, though…I’d just like to have the crush. I know it sounds immature to say that I have a crush, but it’s been so long since I’ve had one. I’d forgotten how enjoyable they can be. I’m not attaching any serious hopes to it, so there’s really no danger of hurting myself or anything. I’m just indulging in a little fun during what it an otherwise boring class. I don’t really have the time for much more than that right now anyway.