Shooting Beyond the Suffer
I am in a remarkably good mood.
As I wrote about in my previous entry, I am very excited about the upcoming Film and Lit conference. I feel like a kid in elementary school who’s about to go on a field trip. My nervousness about my paper presentation have been mostly allayed now that a few people have looked it over and given me really positive feedback. So…yes. I have to say that being excited is infinitely preferable to being nervous. But we already knew that, didn’t we?
The end feels more nigh than it ever has right now. I set up a day, time, and space for my Thesis defense this morning. Monday, April 3, from 1-3 in Williams 415. It’s…again, it’s exciting. I am going to have to adhere to a rather strict schedule in order to complete my thesis on time, but it is infinitely do-able. The fear of last semester has just disappeared, for the most part. And today I made reservations for lunch at Chez Pierre for the day of graduation. There is something so stabilizing about planning for something three months in advance. Like my course has been set and the only thing left is to sail.
And, I must say, I have missed having a crush. My love life hasn’t felt this innocent in years. The secretive nature of stealing glances and wondering if, when he glances in your direction, you are the reason for his glances…it all just makes me grin. And the fact that he’s probably straight…doesn’t discourage me. If anything, it helps me divorce my enjoyment of simply liking someone from any expectations that anything will happen. It’s a back to basics approach for romance. I’ve been so concerned about whether or not people are attracted to me that I’ve forgotten to consider who I am attracted to. Rediscovering that is enjoyable.
And this morning I was forced to wear a pair of jeans that I used to dread wearing because, due to my weight gain last semester, they have felt very tight and uncomfortable. Today, I slipped them on and they felt like a second skin. Last semester my body felt so alien. It’s very comforting to be back to a body that I feel is mine.
As I wrote about in my previous entry, I am very excited about the upcoming Film and Lit conference. I feel like a kid in elementary school who’s about to go on a field trip. My nervousness about my paper presentation have been mostly allayed now that a few people have looked it over and given me really positive feedback. So…yes. I have to say that being excited is infinitely preferable to being nervous. But we already knew that, didn’t we?
The end feels more nigh than it ever has right now. I set up a day, time, and space for my Thesis defense this morning. Monday, April 3, from 1-3 in Williams 415. It’s…again, it’s exciting. I am going to have to adhere to a rather strict schedule in order to complete my thesis on time, but it is infinitely do-able. The fear of last semester has just disappeared, for the most part. And today I made reservations for lunch at Chez Pierre for the day of graduation. There is something so stabilizing about planning for something three months in advance. Like my course has been set and the only thing left is to sail.
And, I must say, I have missed having a crush. My love life hasn’t felt this innocent in years. The secretive nature of stealing glances and wondering if, when he glances in your direction, you are the reason for his glances…it all just makes me grin. And the fact that he’s probably straight…doesn’t discourage me. If anything, it helps me divorce my enjoyment of simply liking someone from any expectations that anything will happen. It’s a back to basics approach for romance. I’ve been so concerned about whether or not people are attracted to me that I’ve forgotten to consider who I am attracted to. Rediscovering that is enjoyable.
And this morning I was forced to wear a pair of jeans that I used to dread wearing because, due to my weight gain last semester, they have felt very tight and uncomfortable. Today, I slipped them on and they felt like a second skin. Last semester my body felt so alien. It’s very comforting to be back to a body that I feel is mine.